Back story. I was with a girl one time who did nothing about talk about how her ex boyfriends never could 'keep it up'. She drilled this so far into my sub-conscience that when it came time for me to perform, I was so freakin scared that I would be like her exes (naturally we want to be better than the last guy) that I totally failed.
That started a really bad trend that lasted a good 6 months. Not only that, but when I did lose my erection her response was: "Oh god, not this again".. yeah, she really helped seal the deal!
So fast forward to a new relationship. Comes time to get down to business... and what happens? I put so much pressure on myself to not repeat the same mistake that I did. Fortunately this girl was more forgiving and was like "We'll work through it.." Obviously I was demasculated by the lack of performance but was destined to figure this out logically.
Problem: Unable to maintain erection during sexual intercourse but no problems during oral sex or if she's just playing around down there. Classic signs of performance anxiety.
Solution: Okay there are a bunch of things I have tried that seem to work in combination. What I did was the following:
1. Erections are crazy in the morning when you wake up. Ever tried to masturbate as soon as you wake up? For me without any visual stimulation it could take forever to climax. Using this to my advantage I convinced the girlfriend to have 'morning sex'. However with a little caveat: Have her attack you. Yes, that's right.. Have her man handle you.. rip your boxers or whatever off while your rock hard in the morning and just jump on you and go to town.
The goal of this exercise is to convince your brain/sub-conscience that you CAN actually achieve an erection and maintain it. It's also important in this exercise to orgasm as quickly as possible. The idea is to complete the sexual experience from start to finish. PLUS, if she pounces on you when you wake up you don't have time to feel anxiety.. you're too focused on what the hell got into her!? This to her, will be 'taking one for the team'. She may get pleasure in it... But... not as much as she'd want.. It's for the greater good.
2. Okay, so one of my issues was I would get an erection and then when I start to penetrate after about 15 seconds I'd lose it completely. There are some things that I did to counteract this:
a) Let her know before hand this is going to happen. Let her know that you're probably going to lose your erection but you're going to try a few things. Actually tell her you're hoping it will happen so you can test out a few things. This plays a trick on your mind.. If you're waiting for your erection to disappear it lowers your anxiety on the I hope it doesn't mentality.
b) When you lose your erection go to missionary position and try this exercise. Firstly, make sure she's wet...and I mean like wet wet.. Not just inside but all around her vagina. To best achieve this go down on her. Get the entire area sopping wet, and here's why. You're going to use the head of your penis to stimulate the clitoris doing circular and up and down motions. The wetter she is, the better the effect. Not only does this feel really good to your penis, but she is going to start moaning and breathing heavily because it feels good to her. This psychologically effects you because you are realising that you are using your penis to stimulate her and it's turning her on... The more you do this the harder you will get.
c) DO not try to go back in prematurely. Don't get half an erection and try to penetrate, you'll just lose it again. Wait until you are rock solid before going in.
d) Do not try to go to town on her like you're trying to win a race. Keep a slow rhythmic motion and make sure you can control her body position to fit your need. The easiest way when you're "on top" is to actually be between her legs and have her bend her legs up and you hold just above her knees almost holding her thighs. Don't have her put her feet on your shoulders.. This makes it difficult to see what you're doing. Since you're trying to combat losing an erection you need to VISUAL STIMULATION and see what you are doing. Have some sort of lighting; candles, low lighting, whatever she will allow. This puts you at an easy angle. There's nothing worse than being at an awkward angle it's just going to increase your anxiety.
e) If this starts to work you'll start getting relieved in your mind. An added bonus is ask your girl to contract her vagina as you are pulling out. This will increase the pressure on your penis which in turn helps maintain your erection.
These few exercises helped me. It may not help you, but man if it helps ONE person out there overcome this annoyance then the 15 minutes I took to post this was worth it!
Remember this: Communicate. Tell her "Hey I need your help to overcome this performance anxiety issue.." or something. Tell her to expect it and that you want to try a few things. Make sure you're so open about it that this is nothing more than an experiment. Don't try to do it without telling her otherwise you're putting unwanted pressure on yourself.
Hope this helps someone out there.
Secondly you should learn as much as you can about psychogenic ED. Search the Internet, read books, talk to experts. Knowledge is indeed power: the more you know about this condition, the less stressful it will be to you.
I was surprised to find out that there is a perfectly logical reason for sexual performance anxiety. When you get too anxious, the release of stress hormones constricts peripheral blood circulation so that blood can get more rapidly to your vital organs (heart, lungs). The penis is not a vital organ and the last thing you need when you're facing danger (e.g. involved in a fight or escaping a lion) is an erection. This is the infamous fight or flight response.
Depression and mood fluctuations can also have a negative impact on your sexual performance. Erections start in the brain and if the brain isn't working properly, sexual problems will follow. To make matters worse, most antidepressants (e.g. SSRIs) can cause or worsen ED. There are exceptions, though: tianeptine (brand name STABLON) can actually improve erections and libido.
In my case, oral drugs were very effective. My urologist prescribed me Cialis but I'm also taking a new ED drug called VIGAMED (oral phentolamine) that blocks alpha receptors and improves blood flow to the penis. Both drugs work sinergistically. I also take Seredyn on demand: it is not an ED treatment, it is a natural supplement for the treatment of anxiety that helps to control my nerves. It's a lot of stuff (Cialis, Vigamed, Seredyn) but you don't HAVE to take all this; furthermore, oral drugs are only a transitory solution, once you've overcome your anxiety you won't need them anymore.
The best ED treatment, however, is a supportive partner. Good communication is essential and you'll both have to be patient and persistant.
Some of the tips i want to add.
1. generally my disorder starts with condoms, in fear of losing the hard-on and then slipping of the condom, so i wait till the menstrual cycle and on the third day or so when the bleeding is less i try penetrating and after few days there after i regain my confidence. this worked for me.
2. let your girl fiddle your penis and have a bet with her that u cant get it hard, try and stop it from getting it hard unlike the otherway (struggling it to get hard) you will realise the more you stop your penis form getting hard, you turn on faster.
a little rub between a big firm set of knockers never hurt a underrated activity as much fun as oral if not better diabetes unfortunately is a major issue, what is also nice female on top facing away been layed far too long in medical difficulty leg removed and doctors blew rehab and caused more problems as if i did not have enough already. i was in good shape exercise daily but still had difficulty and alot was my fault, once i get fitted i will come back,either hustle my ass or go to hospital again for a long time, this i do not want do not ever think it cant be you because it can a old hockey mate strong as a bull died at 42 from sleep apnea i want you people to be aware of your health, you dont what you have till its gone never take anything for granted best wishes everyone
Thanks this was helpful.Baldwin