My new bride is loving and and attentive, however she has incredable anxiety about me penetrating her and 2 be quite honest I haven't been able to. She is healthy and beautiful. She is 32.
Just when I know I am in position, a slow movement forward to accomplish consumation will cause her to move herself sideways and say "ouch" even before any part of penetration happens. She is incredably nervous telling me her palms are sweaty.
I have attempted many positions. No success. I am so frustrated and so is my poor wife.
She says she is a virgin and I believe her although I do not see a hymen. I assume I should be able to see it?? (oral sex is no problem. My only satisfaction has been intercourse via 69).
Foreplay is not the issue. There is plenty of it. I have brought her to orgasm orally...but it doesn't help. I tried not giving her an orgasm...no difference.
We tried alcohol to relax her. She drank enough so that I had to help her to the bathroom but still no penetration.
I've asked her if she was ever abused or molested in any way and she denies it.
I feel bad for her (she tells me she hates herself because we have not had vaginal sex). She also tells me she has friends who tell her their husbands had to wait weeks before truly consumating the marriage (because of pain). I've never heard of that.
PLEASE...someone share your thoughts! What should I do?
Just when I know I am in position, a slow movement forward to accomplish consumation will cause her to move herself sideways and say "ouch" even before any part of penetration happens. She is incredably nervous telling me her palms are sweaty.
I have attempted many positions. No success. I am so frustrated and so is my poor wife.
She says she is a virgin and I believe her although I do not see a hymen. I assume I should be able to see it?? (oral sex is no problem. My only satisfaction has been intercourse via 69).
Foreplay is not the issue. There is plenty of it. I have brought her to orgasm orally...but it doesn't help. I tried not giving her an orgasm...no difference.
We tried alcohol to relax her. She drank enough so that I had to help her to the bathroom but still no penetration.
I've asked her if she was ever abused or molested in any way and she denies it.
I feel bad for her (she tells me she hates herself because we have not had vaginal sex). She also tells me she has friends who tell her their husbands had to wait weeks before truly consumating the marriage (because of pain). I've never heard of that.
PLEASE...someone share your thoughts! What should I do?
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Although some women have a lot of pain during sex, it seems to me that this is psychological because of this "She also tells me she has friends who tell her their husbands had to wait weeks before truly consumating the marriage (because of pain)." You know it yourself it isn't true.
What country does your wife come from? Do you know anything about her parents and upbringing? It could be that certain thoughts and feelings have been "implanted" into her mind as a youngster. However, most people allow sex in marriage (in case they oppose to it out of marriage).
It is a tricky situation. I hope you find a solution.
What country does your wife come from? Do you know anything about her parents and upbringing? It could be that certain thoughts and feelings have been "implanted" into her mind as a youngster. However, most people allow sex in marriage (in case they oppose to it out of marriage).
It is a tricky situation. I hope you find a solution.
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She is a Filipina. Parents have 4 children. Each of them one of a dozen in their families. Her brother has 4 children, A sister one child. They take great pride in keepin their Virginity. BTW, no success yet. :(
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It is a common talk among Filipino women that white men/westerns have big penises. It is a talk among the girls how scary it could be to have sex and not get hurt accommodating such extra large size. When my sister was courted by a really nice 6'2 black guy, all she heard from other girls(and men too) was that she might get hospitalized from the sex. Though it's seen as part joke but most believe it has some truth to it. Your wife may have this fears and perhaps actually seeing that you are bigger than average Filipino men validates her fears...
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It is a myth and all built up in both of your heads. You will not see a hymen and perhaps not even feel it so don't worry about that. One piece of advice I would give you is not to have her so drunk that you have to carry her to the bathroom! While sometimes a glass of wine can make the mood more romantic, having her semi-unconscious or numb doesn't seem like it will lead to romantic intercourse.
My wife is Japanese and I had a Chinese girlfriend before. There is nothing physically blocking the way in terms of penis size or so on. My advice would be to think about the emotional situation. How are you proposing sex? Be romantic. Although you are married, that is not a lcence to sleep with someone. You will still have to woo her. Pretend you are still dating, have dinner, watch a romantic movie, make a pass at her. It is wrong to suggest that the problem is medical because she cannot get wet for some reason. The most likely reason is that she does not feel the situation is erotic.
The worst thing to do is to make it in to a huge issue in your mind. You said that you are pleasing her orally. I assume she was wet that time. It is not that you cannot pleasure your wife. It is the stress that you have not had intercourse yet. Try to relieve the stress. Try to set the mood. Everything else will follow.
My wife is Japanese and I had a Chinese girlfriend before. There is nothing physically blocking the way in terms of penis size or so on. My advice would be to think about the emotional situation. How are you proposing sex? Be romantic. Although you are married, that is not a lcence to sleep with someone. You will still have to woo her. Pretend you are still dating, have dinner, watch a romantic movie, make a pass at her. It is wrong to suggest that the problem is medical because she cannot get wet for some reason. The most likely reason is that she does not feel the situation is erotic.
The worst thing to do is to make it in to a huge issue in your mind. You said that you are pleasing her orally. I assume she was wet that time. It is not that you cannot pleasure your wife. It is the stress that you have not had intercourse yet. Try to relieve the stress. Try to set the mood. Everything else will follow.
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ask her how she will be the most comfortable.talk about it beforehand and just take it really slow and caress her when you do.does she know that mostly everyone's first time hurts? but people get past that for the pleasure.you might not see a hymen if she used tampons.those can break it.the main problem here is the comfort level.is she comfortable in all other areas besides this? good luck!
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This sounds like vaginismus - the muscles of her vagina tighten up before you enter. I think she needs to see her doctor about this, perhaps with you as well if she would prefer. I haven't suffered myself but I understand it is curable. Best wishes to you both.
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