Hi. I'm 18 years old and male. Hoping users here can give me some perspective on some of this. Recently, my sexual and romantic interests haven't really been matching. Does this sound like anything any of you all have experienced, and, if so, I could use some advice on it.
Basically, I have a fat fetish and some overweight people (for guys, anywhere from 250-350 lbs, women 180- 250 lbs) get me off. I also generally prefer people older than me, anywhere from late 20's to early 40's. Up until recently, I generally preferred guys because I am a guy, and would often get off to the idea of being fat, or just an overweight dude in general, but the actual idea of sexual contact with another dude generally turns me off. I've always gotten off to women also, but up until recently it's been more like just a side effect. Recently, though, it's been more 50/50, probably even leaning in the direction of preferring women. I generally prefer men's stomachs and faces, but prefer women's buttocks/hips, curves, and backs. I generally don't find either gender's genitals attractive.
I've spooned with women a few times and always got aroused immediately, and I'll even get aroused with just my arm around a girl's hip or making out with a girl. Physical contact is awesome. I've never tried anything like this with a guy.
Here's the thing - While I find women sexually more attractive in the context of who I'd actually want to have sex with, I've been feeling nervous around dudes recently and I'm wondering if I'm experiencing romantic attraction to guys, or if I'm just worried about being full on gay and I'm nervous about that. I get really nervous when talking with certain dudes at my school, all of whom are objectively good looking but sexually I'm not interested in any of them. I also feel the need to move my hands, rub the back of my head, etc, which are all actions I've heard people list as signs of romantic attraction. When I make eye contact with a cute girl, there is a quick feeling of shyness and maybe some blushing, but not to the same extent.
I only started getting nervous around guys this summer when I was around a male coworker who, like the other guys, is a good looking dude but not someone I am attracted to sexually. I guess the male face looks really cool and rugged to me, and while recently I've been preferring women's bodies, I've been noticing guys' faces. On the other hand, I find my science teacher, who is female, sexually attractive, but I don't feel nervous or anything around her.
I have been feeling the same kind of nervousness towards women on occasion, but it tends to be women who are (if not really masculine) definitely not girly-girl types. I also tend to crave attention from other guys more than girls, but that might just be because most of my friends are guys so making them laugh is fun.
To make this even more confusing I don't really consider these crushes. I feel nervous, but after I leave the class or whatever my mind isn't really on any of the people (male or female) that make me feel that way. I don't think I'd really want to kiss them and I don't find myself romanticizing any of them when they aren't around. But if these really aren't crushes, then I guess I've never really had a legit crush before on either gender. I can imagine myself with both genders, but 20 years down the line (with a family, etc) I can only really see it with a woman whereas when I imagine having a boyfriend it's mostly something I think I might enjoy in college or as a young adult)
I'd like to think that I'm not biased towards being straight, but honestly I probably am. I really want kids when I'm older and I also act pretty typical of a straight dude, so I think it would be tough to be gay with a straight personality and physical mannerisms.
Does this sound like it put me in the category of gay, bisexual, or straight to you all?
Do these sound like crushes? Are they romantic at all or just fear of being gay?
I know a lot of bisexuals have one gender they tend to prefer sexually and another they tend to prefer romantically. Does this generally even out over time?