I have turned 16 and I have identified as straight since I was a child. However, since I was a child, I have always been interested in the male body which later turned into a fetish (belly fetish). I would think about belly humping a guy and if I saw a guy, my attentions would turn to his belly. However my feelings were always with girls. I always believe that any attraction over the age of 9/10 counts. I had a girl crush when I was 11 and I could always remember asking her out. When I joined secondary school, I had a crush on this girl who was never into me no matter how I tried. All my crushes/infatuation have been girls and barely guys. I watched gay porn as a child and then decided that I wanted to watch straight porn. I get turned on by lesbian porn/butch lesbians/mature ladies and always had a satisfyingly ejaculation. However sometimes Im not easily aroused by girls. Sometimes I am when I rethink about lesbian porn and when a girl is close to me and when I read lesbian sex fiction. My erections are strong enough to maintain a sexual relationship, but sometimes flip flop. With guys however, my erections used to be much stronger but these days its not as strong and when I tried to masturbate to guys without porn, I struggled and my erections went up and down similar to mine with women. My belly fetish is the only reason why I watched gay porn and apart from that I barely get turned on by the porn. I never wish to sleep with a guy and I imagine myself with girls. But recently I decided to watch straight porn and struggled to get turned on. I did then it went back down. Im scared because I have a girlfriend and we are planning on having sex very soon. I'm scared that I could be gay and Im not gay. I dont like being turned on by men or having my fetish. I like girls and wish my erections were stronger. Ive been avoiding lesbian porn because Im scared I wont get turned on and its making me scared to have sex with my girlfriend. Right now Im thinking about her and I have attractions with other girls too but sometimes I feel like I'm forcing it and I'm not. I have done sexuality test and have come out straight majority and once nearly bisexual. I have tried to label myself (heteromantic bisexual, bisexual, gay, heteroflexible etc) but it doesnt work. I'm scared.
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I, like many do, believe that everyone is somewhere along the sexual spectrum from 100% gay to 100% straight. Many of us continue to be arousable, to coin a phrase, by the same sex, and that often plays into our heterosexual activities. I'm sure the reverse is true as well. Our sexuality evolves and adjusts as we mature, but we retain strong influences from our infancy and early childhood. Your attraction to male bellies, for example may stem from a long forgotten feeling you had as a baby when you were placed on a man's belly, perhaps, or bathed together. Likely you were naked, or you might both have been naked, and it printed an indelible feeling in your young mind, that is now being conjured up at the sight of men's bellies. Don't sabotage your sexual feelings by worrying that you are feeling something you "shouldn't", or NOT feeling something you should. Our sexuality is a very delicate mix of sensations, memories and desires. Try to accept, enjoy and explore the feelings and sensations you experience, without expectations as to whether you should or shouldn't feel them. They are all part of you, and do not have to be in conflict. They don't make you "weird", or "sick". You need not express these things out loud to anyone you are with sexually, unless you believe you can be that kind of intimate with them. The things that turn you on secretly are yours and yours alone. They are special to who you are, and need not be shared with anyone. This does not mean they are "wrong" or "deviant" in any way. You may even find that that special person is ALSO turned on by exploring the same kinds of "opposites" as you. Anyone who judges you negatively for the things you feel, is not likely to be someone who should be in your life for very long.
Remember this -- when it comes to making love with someone, to loving someone else, it really doesn't matter what "bits" are on the outside, does it? Everyone wants to feel loved, special and attractive in someone else's eyes -- even if only for a few, anonymous minutes.
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