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My story

Around 5 months ago I began a sort of life-changing journey. I started working overseas for a major international company with only 18 years of age. 12 days ago I had my last marijuana joint, and the last 7 days have been riddled with anxiety, loss of appetite, mild depression/angst, mood swings, difficulty concentrating or enjoying an activity without worrying, and an overall feeling of not being the same.

My background. Currently 19, no history of drug abuse, occasional alcohol user, occasional pot user before the last 4 months. Smoked tobacco for about a year, stopped about halfway during the 4 months, and replaced the habit with a weed habit. No history of psychologic / psychiatric problems. Only had week, week and half episodes of mild hypochondria 1-2 times a year, when I'd convince myself I had some sort of disease and would go to a bunch of doctors, and was slightly down and fatigued and depressed (all psychological obviously). Never experienced major anxiety before, never had a panic attack (not even till this day, at least the kind when your heart races and chest aches).

My weed usage. I became a frequent smoker, but I never enjoyed large quantities. In my 4-5 months, I only purchased three times, most of which I smoked myself, sharing very occasionally. I bought 1/4, 1/8 and 1/8. The last 1/8 I only smoked half. Would always smoke in the evenings / night after coming from work, and had a normal life and work schedule. Never once did I perform worse at my job or the weed got in the way.

I started smoking full-weed joints during the weekends. Then I started doing during the week but I would stop for a couple of days. I never did 7 days straight.

Before this, I had done occasionally in my country, but markedly low-potency. These 3 purchases of weed were of the highest quality possible, and really high THC contents. I had only had two "bad" experiences, one in which I felt slightly depersonalized (mostly anxious) which faded after going to sleep, and the other when I felt slightly paranoid, but mostly about people knowing I was high, and never happened again.

As I said before, I'm known to be overly concerned about diseases for periods of time. I'm an information and knowledge freak, and I've read pages and pages of Wikipedia of every possible disorder. Lately I'd been reading about mental disorders, which I think contributed to my enjoying weed less, fearing schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and other stuff. It's what concerns me the most these days, but I think the fear started a while ago, and was related to my change in lifestyle. One time.

Half-way through the 4 months, I decided I'd stop doing cigarettes. I was doing from 8-15 every day, and I started doing weed more regularly. Since I wasn't enjoying smoking too much pure weed so much (there were times when I felt like I was getting `too high`, mostly anxious), combining it with tobacco seemed suitable. Let's not forget that this was high potency weed as well, probably the best you can get anywhere.

I'd do joints rolled with tobacco 3-4 times a week, sometimes stopping for some days in a row. I remember at time stopping monday, tuesday, wednesday and then doing thursday - saturday for example.

About a month ago, I had a 8 day long work trip where I forcefully had to abort usage. It went well but looking back I might have replaced it with booze (like drinking beers every night or every other night, but not a lot). It was a really stressful trip however, because of work stuff, and one of the last days I got really drunk to the point where I drank too much, vomited and passed out. As I was being carried to the car to take me to the hospital, I had a horrible experience: I thought I was gonna die, and kept telling my friend to not let me die. I woke up in a hospital, and I basically only had a hangover, and nothing else. It was just vomiting, falling asleep, and having anxiety.

That was a hint that I was developing stress that I did not take. When I came back home after 4 days, I decided to do weed again. I did 2 pure-weed joints and it hit me really bad. After the first one I was fine, but after the second one I got really anxious, scared and paranoid (I think the paranoia was mostly anxiety leading me to believe I was paranoid though). I was shaking scared and wishing the effect would wear off.

I did some reading on the internet and many people suggested that I had done way too much, so I did take it down a notch and continued to use like I used to. I did fine for about a month, month and a half. One thing to note is that I wasn't using it to relax as much lately. I wasn't laughing or enjoying myself as much, and was doing work-related stuff while being high. This was not all the time though, and many times I'd just watch movies, hulu or porn. But I guess I continued to be stressed out.

Also, many nights I'd actually look forward to coming home and getting high, like craving the stuff. And the nights that I decided to take a break from it consciously, I'd have to get distracted with something else (usually work) as to not smoke. I developed a habit.

Now, the last 12 days.
Day 1: I smoke my last joint before going to Cirque du Soleil. I knew I was coming back home for a week the day after and was getting emotional those days, thinking about my family, what I'd missed in all that time and stuff. So that day I went high to watch the show but the high didn't enhance it. If anything it made me anxious, self-conscious and over alert which made me anxious about being scared. I did enjoy the show but the high wasn't a part of the enjoyment. My head felt hot and I had a tingling sensation on the right side. I think that was the high blood pressure the anxiety triggered, which would also happen some days later.

Day 2: I wake up after sleeping really little and head to the airport. Had one of the most stressful flights, because my flight was delayed for 6.5 hours. My appetite was fine and I'd sleep little naps now and then. Had to sleep at the city where the connecting flight was supposed to happen. I did buy cigarettes because of the stress, and smoked only 2 that night, 1 the next morning, but grossed me out. Slept fairly well for the night, but not enough. Wake up tired.

Day 3: I wake up fine as well, head to the airport. On my connecting flight I notice I can't really focus on work, like too tired but not sleepy. I do fall asleep but have a weird sleep disturbance: as I'm falling asleep it's like I start dreaming awake. I don't have any sort of hallucinations, just garbled thoughts, things that don't make a lot of sense. Like mixing work stuff with normal stuff or stuff like that, that doesn't make sense. I guess it's my anxiety not letting myself fall asleep completely, and I end up in the middle. This stuff starts to drive up the anxiety, and on my next flight home I experience the same when falling asleep and start to worry more. I think this is where the bad anxiety cycle starts to build up.

Day 4: My sleeping pattern gets screwed up. I go out at night with my friends and start to feel some bursts of anxiety. Nothing major, but feel like awkward. I guess the shock of not being home in a while, and all of a sudden experiencing the old and what used to be typical was kind of a shock. I was afraid of drinking too much alcohol and having bad effects (more anxiety). We go to the casino, which I usually enjoy a lot, but feel like I don't enjoy it as usual. Appetite is normal

Day 5: I feel relatively normal for most of the day. I still get anxious here and then. At night I go out again and am slightly more depressed, like melancholic and agnsty. I come back home and feel a little anxious. Appetite is slightly worse.

Day 6: I feel relatively normal, with some bursts of anxiety during the day. Appetite gets slightly worse.

Day 7: I wake up and anxiety kicks in in a different way. Now it's like I don't feel `normal`. I know people refer to it as depersonalization/derealization, but in my case it's different. It's just a feeling of things not being normal, and visually, like things are brighter. I go to the doctor because the tingling sensation in the right side of my head was still happening. They test my blood pressure and it's high (not high enough to medicate though), probably anxiety driven. The doctor attributes my situation to the sleep change and the marijuana habit. Lots of concerns about going mad, or having to be medicated for my anxiety and then having side effects, or stuff like that. Sometimes I convince myself I saw something that wasn't there, only to get worried. Or afraid of being so bad-off that I'd do something crazy and my family would suffer as a result. I have problems concentrating or enjoying stuff I'd normally enjoy. Appetite is really bad

Day 8: I wake up feeling the same way, and it concerns me. This is part of the anxiety loop. I go to the doctor again, blood pressure high again. I convince myself that there's something wrong with me. All the doctors dismiss the tingling sensation in the right side of my head as something blood-vessel driven or blood pressure driven, not a point of concern. They tell me I must be nervous. When I was in one of the ERs I actually thought I was going to lose it. Appetite is bad

Day 9-12: I start to calm down a little more and get my appetite a little back up, but still have a hard time concentrating and focusing. For example, I can't do an activity for more than 30 minutes without thinking about my anxiety and "problems". Constant fear of these sensations not going away. For example, just now my sister made a sound and I asked her if she had made a sound. She said no and I panicked that I had gone crazy. Finally she said she indeed had made a sound, she did it again, but I scared the hell out of her with the situation. And now I feel really sad because I scared my sister :(

I have all my worries kind of sorted out. The thing right before going to sleep is weird but I have read on the internet that it can happen, specially with anxiety. A discouraging thing is that I never read about people fully restoring from anxiety or feeling weird like me. I always read about people getting better but not going back to normal, and that scares the hell out of me.

My theory right now is that dropping weed/tobacco, coming back home, travel and stress from work and the sleep disturbances is what's doing me, coupled with anxiety sensitivity (refer to this article ) and reading so much about diseases/disorders.

I'd like to hear about your suggestions. Thanks for any ideas or support.

***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed


hmm sounds like a short story




Hey man, I am now feeling exactly as you. How much time did you suffer this? Are you completely fine now? Thank you


Hey i would like to now how are you felling now


He unfortunately passed away