Okay, for some basic information im 19 years old and pretty skinny/light weight. When I was around 15 I was diagnosed with Anxiety. I had some anxiety symptoms but never actually had a real panic attack. I want to share my story with you guys and I have a few questions after. If this gets to long please try to read it all and help me.
Well I was smoking with my friends waiting for my dealer to get here and get more weed. I was pretty high when we went out to meet my dealer. When he came he had some K2 with him. I had only smoked k2 once and it was a pretty good time but I didnt smoke before I hit pipe of k2. But now this time I was high and he was offering me a free hit of k2 so how could I turn this down? I hit the pipe and take everything in, I held it in pretty long and exhaled. I felt fine for a bit until I started feeling alittle weird. My friends told me I looked at them and went "bro..." then passed out onto the ground. They said I was past out for 15 minutes and they were trying to get me up. But back to my perspective. I remember putting my arm on my friend because it was hard to walk. And all of a sudden nothing, like when you fall asleep.
All of a sudden the worst pain I ever imagined was now. I was still past out when I got this pain. I suddenly became aware, but I did not know I was me. I felt like some entity in the universe going threw this pain for infinity. I could suddenly think and learn. I thought that this is what the universe was, just the worst possible feeling forever. I felt as though their was many 'people' going threw this pain but i could not communicate with them. All I could do was think, and feel this pain. And as I thought the pain got worse with each thought. This felt like forever, At one point I think it became easier to think, and i was more focused on my thoughts then the pain. I felt with every new idea I was learning. Is this life? Is this death? Were my main questions.I was still not aware of me. At one point I could heard my friends and dealers voices telling me to get up, come on, wake up, are you okay? Because I was not me I paid no attention to these voices.
I felt like life was the worst pain over and over, and that the worst pain was that of an OD with your friends calling to you. I felt like my thought were in loops, I would think something, then doubt it, then think something else, then doubt it, over and over. At one point I remember opening my eyes, I could see the outlines of my friends but I closed them right away. I was still unaware of me. I could feel my body being pushed as my dealer kept telling me to get up.I dont really remember from this point but I know it was just more thoughts and doubts until finally I realized that I had to cling onto one thought and not doubt it. I clung unto that thought and finally I wake up. My friends tell me I was out for 15 minutes unresponsive to anything. Walking is very hard and I have this spinning feeling in my head that I could go back to that pain at any moment if I let my thoughts spin out of control.When my friends touch me I get panicy as if I were getting higher. When we went back into my friends building the air got me more panicy, or higher. We sat in the laundry room of this building which is very hot. At first it was good, but then I felt as if I were suffocating and we went back outside and I sat their. I was still having these thought loops in my head. After awhile me and one of my friends I was with were walking home and this is as I was coming down. I felt very tired and when I got home I fell asleep right away.
After this happened I had no idea what this was. I smoked again with the same people but this time no k2, I just got really high with my friends. I was sitting on her bed and all of sudden it was as if I got this idea of my first bad trip. I all of a sudden started getting the thoughts that I would doubt over and over. My thoughts were getting faster and faster until I thought I was gonna pass out and go threw all of that nightmare again. I tell my friends I think im gonna pass out again, I think im gonna pass out again. They keep telling me to chill and relax but I cant. Finally I focus on trying to stay awake. This helps but the thoughts are still going threw my head. I never past out that day, and when we got to my friends house I realized it could be panic attacks.-----I have done alot of research sense that second bad trip, and I think i'm having panic attacks because of my anxiety. I worry about going into that 'nightmare' everytime I smoke and I get those thoughts and doubts I cant control. I continued to smoke and sometimes I woudnt get those thoughts if my mind was busy or I was having fun. If I get to high, i start to get the thoughts of the nightmare and the loops. After this I quit for about 2-3 weeks.---I recently smoked only 2 hits of a bowl and got pretty high as a test, and I never got the thoughts. I was pretty high from this so my tolerance is pretty low right now.
Thank you for reading, and now my questions:Is it my low tolerance/skinniness/light weightness: that is causing this?I feel like anti anxiety medicine would calm my thoughts when I smoke. Should I try and get some for when I do get high?Any other advice to stop these bad trips?
it sounds like you're pretty anxious.
I'm in the same boat... my thoughts go in loops sometimes
what i think we need is to learn to relax and not attach to our thoughts. leave them alone and they'll leave us alone. when we judge our thoughts, we judge ourselves and create chaos within ourselves
the mind is like a muscle... we must exercise it. get our strength and mental health up there. you know?
:) good luck