My Addiction Recovery Story

Hello All, So Its good to talk and think writing down my addiction will help me get free. So I started smoking when I was 16, just cigs until I was 20 when I started smoking cannabis. A lot of my friends smoked weed and I was soon sucked into the concept of smoking it everyday. Initially I was smoking just hash and would smoke maybe 3 joints a day in the week and then maybe upto 6 on the weekends. Bongs and shotties were also used and we would smoke uoto 20 odd shotties per night. This went on for 4 years and I moved over to smoking bud. Friend groups changed but the smoking generally continued. I generally always tried to maintain a high level of exercise through out my smoking years. This certainly made me feel better about myself and proved to be of great benefit when I tried to quit a few years later. Smoking continued and before I knew it my girlfriend was getting fed up about it and I was hiding it from her. Our relationship ended when I was 27 mainly due to the cannabis ruling my life and for a few other reasons. I still loved her very much still but she did the right thing and moved on. I then gave up smoking as a result of this breakup. I went cold turkey and struggled beyond belief to comprehend what I had lost. I had really bad withdrawal and blamed my self for the breakup. With a lot of help from friends and focussing on exercise to make me feel good I managed to quit smoking for and stayed clean for 4 months. In this time I even cycled Lands end to John O groats. I totally forgot about smoking weed and felt amazing. I would sometimes have thoughts about smoking again and did sometimes feel like I was missing out on something when I wasn't smoking. These feelings of wanting to smoke continued even though I was fit healthy and stable after 4 months off the weedsmoke. Stupidly I thought I could control myself and started smoking the occasional cigar thinking it was cool and wouldn't lead to anything. Before I knew it I was smoking a fag now and then with drinks and telling myself I would only have fags on a Friday with a pint at the pub. Some of my friends who never stopped smoking weed were still on the scene and although I do have lots of friends who don't smoke or smoke when drunk I ended up spending time with the ones that smoked weed. In a way I think I always had a different type of bond with the friends who smoked weed. Before I knew it I was having the occasional drag on a spliff. It reminded me of the times before when i smoked but without the issues of splitting up from my girlfriend. I told myself I wouldn't buy it and would only have a drag here and there- this failed and before I knew it I was smoking most nights and this eventually lead to smoking everyday at the same level as before. Other drugs then followed a year later and I was partying every weekend. I took MDMA about 7 times at different events. Tried cocaine and NO2 balloons also become quite popular. I always told myself I would never try class A drugs but I folded like I did when I quit smoking weed. The class A phase was short lived as I only took them over a 6 month period. I am now 29 and 5 days ago I decided to quit smoking again. I still have friend groups who smoke it and other friend groups who don't and have always condoned any drugs. So day 5 of going cold turkey and I have been feeling pretty awful. Day 1 + 2 I had anxiety, hot sweats, mild panic attacks, cold + flu symptoms and generally felt awful. Sleeping was really had the first few nights but this doesn't seem to be a problem any more. Essentially the symptoms are the same as when I quit a few years ago, this time I have less stress in regards to the girlfriend split but its still really tough. I know from when I quit last time that it would be at least 1 month before I start feeling normal and confident again. Initial concerns are how I will be around my friends who smoke weed and how I will cope if I have a panic attack at work. I am pretty sure my friends will be supportive of me quitting but if not then I will have to end our friendship. 

Things I am going to do to help me over the next month: 

-Exercise, exercise and more Exercise! I found this is the best thing you can do when quitting. 

-Take vitamin tablets 

-Try and eat well

-Focus on work to distract me from thinking about smoking 

-Drink lots of water 

-Read more on Forums like this as they tend to make me feel better and give me something to relate to. 

I think that's it... I feel good for sharing