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I have been married to a lovely woman for 9 years now .When we met she was a sexual beast and would consider almost anything i asked her to do. Sence we got married 9 years ago i have got her to quit drinking and going to clubs . but the problem with that is with the loss of alchahol she is not as out going as she was. She went from 150 lbs to 240lbs in the last 9 years .I miss the crazy and wild part of her that i knew and when i asked her to be more sexually open minded during sex all i get from her is that i have become an sexual addict because i want to spice it up in bed . I am in the military and don't want to be the cheating husband that everyone hears about so what can i do??


First, it's good that you have tried to talk with her about this. Don't stop. Communication is always good.

It is possible that the alcohol had lowered inhibitions, and without it, that she is starting to feel her age and weight slowing her up. (I'm also willing to bet that she's very aware of the weight issue and that it's in the back of her mind. But, I don't want to jump to conclusions or be sexist here...)

I liked the line where you say "I miss the crazy and wild part of her that I knew." I think it's important that you share that with her, and consider phrasing it differently, continuing the idea of what you think and feel. ex:
"I really enjoy it when we both relax and cut loose. I feel very free with you, that I love you, and that I could ask you anything." Keep it positive.

On another level, be sure to be doing thoughtful, romantic things for her... flowers, gifts, reminders, cook a meal for her, take her out, dancing, etc.
Keep the romance alive like when you were courting her.
Show her that you're willing to splurge a little now and then... a night out at a hotel... camping alone with her... dining by candlelight...
not just for her birthday, but other days.

Plan some dates with her. Surprise her with things she likes to do.

Don't dwell on the weight, but steer clear of the drinking, or candy or heavy meals...
Offer to go walking with her...regularly...

And if you are still meeting resistance... consider going to a marriage counselor... alone if necessary. It's not bad to ask for help and advice and assistance. Just be ready to accept what you hear from the counselor.

Good luck.
Perhaps some ladies can weigh in here with some good ideas too.... %-)