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I've been dating my girl for almost 5 years now. Sex was awesome first couple of years but started to go down hill from there. We use to have sex almost 3-5 times a week, now I'm lucky to have sex 1-2 times a year! She has been on the pill ever since we've met, but she has switched pill brands 2x because of the side effects(loss of sex drive,headaches,mood swings). I've sat down with her many times and expressed my sexual needs and that I'm worried that she mite not find me attractive anymore. She reassured me that its not me, but her stresses in her life + pill side effects messing with her hormones.

I've been waiting years to see a change in her sex drive, but i haven't seen anything close to what it use to be. Its a drag for her to even want to make out with me, let alone let me pleasure her with foreplay. I know there is probably nothing she can do about it, but it sure does stress me out as well.

She gives me oral a lot because she knows when I'm turned on i won't stop trying to show affection to her and probably doesn't want me to cheat on her . I let her know how much i find her attractive and beautiful, i always compliment her about her boosums and butt :-) But always receiving pleasure isn't that satisfiying to me... I want us to both experience great pleasure like we use to.

I hope someone can find insight on this, because i sure as hell can't make sense of it. I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping one day she will undress me with her eyes once again :-0) :$ XD

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I'm in more or less your exact situation. The difference is my gf have been living two hours away from each other for the last year. I see her usually a couple days a week (weekends) with some interruption.

She won't even pleasure me usually, so you're lucky there. Literally the best I can get from her anymore is to "take care of myself," and she lets me touch her breasts and butt, but the minute I start to go near the spot, i get slapped. Also, she's really reluctant and bitchy about it the entire time.

I think it's a combination of our relationship becoming routine and unexciting for her.

It's really sad. Pathetic, even. On my part, for staying around. The only reason I stick around is because I love her and can't imagine not being together. We've also been together for going on five years.

I have no advice for you because I'm in the bind myself. I've tried talking to her about it as well, but she either just says "it'll be different when we're married," or gets defensive and snaps at/ignores me.

I think at some point, you just have to throw up your hands and say "f**k it. My needs aren't being met."

Don't get me wrong, we're great friends. We hardly ever/never have serious fights. I totally trust her and she totally trusts me. It's just the physical side that's totally dried up. And, to me, that's important.

I don't know, maybe one day we'll look back on this and wish we hadn't been so fixated on sex, but things are what they are. You feel like sh*t when you can't get any physical intimacy from your partner.

Is it worth it? That's the question.
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haha dont worry dudes you're not totally F ED. I have the solution for you and it is in fact the only good solution that there is any other just brings problems and requires things that jeopardise your relationship. So you turned on dogs and I dont blame you im one myself listen up!!. Instead of jumping on your girls everytime you see them, hold your natural instincts and wait until the wants it, and believe me that day does come. Dont think that oh man thats BS if i dont look for it nothing gets done, cuz your WRONG!!. WAit it out till she looks for it and dudes you'll be having some nice love making. Well i dont know if u rather force it on your gf and have some lousy sex or wait it out :\ it seems like an obvious answer to me. Dont worry I had the same problem and even though my solution is not fool proof and you may get fed up and tired of waiting for her. In the end the wait pays off. Oh and first dude she probably had sex wit you all the time before cuz she was insecure and felt that if she didnt please you, you would leave her but hahaha all that passes shes sure of her self now and knows that she has you in her grasp, so gets smart and try out wat im telling you. BEST OF LUCK
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Hey, im in the same position also, soulds like a good plan, ill give it a try! Thanks!
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Same problem...I've been dating a girl for about five years and for about the last two, I've been practically shut out (like, maybe sex once every 1-2 months)...it sucks...there's nothing else wrong with our relationship. But I am getting super fed up with it because I am a young, nice, smart, good-looking guy who has a good job. I haven't said anything about it, but if something doesn't change, I might be done.
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Myabe the problem is that your still just dating after 5 years. Also you need to be sure that your giving her what she wants.
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I think there are a lot of us in the same boat, boys.

Like the OP, and like another anonymous poster, the physical side of my relationship has up and disappeared. Sex was a major factor in why we hit it off so well a few years ago, but I've just about given up. I'm not going to start cheating and can't keep having the kind of sex where she gets no pleasure from it and is only trying to keep me from leaving.

I know that she's not happy like this either, and that our girlfriends have some sort of sexual dysfunction causing the loss of libido, but she won't do anything to fix it. I also understand that the physical aspect of a relationship may just not be as important to a woman as it is to me, but it's not just base desire; the physical aspect is, for me, a key manner of displaying love and affection.

I don't know. One female poster here suggested that the problem is that we haven't married these women, but never once have I heard of a man whose sex life improved for any length of time after he got married, and there is no way I can commit to a lifelong, sexless relationship. I will never find a girl I am better suited to than my girlfriend - so what? Become a eunuch? Dump her and get laid all the time, and end up unhappy in plenty of other ways?

Does anyone know of any other resources for dealing with this kind of thing? I am trying to find information on sex-positive therapy, but am not sure where to begin...
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The absolute best thing that can be done for lack of sex is communication. Has she expressed a reason why she's not having sex as often? Is it simply a libido problem? Because sex and emotion is so closely tied together for a woman, it could be an emotional issue such as depression. Talk to her. Let her know that there's no pressure to have sex, you're just worried and want to know if something's wrong so you can help.

When couples get deeper and further along in their relationship, sometimes routine can settle in. This can break spontaneity, excitement, etc. Try to bring this into the relationship more.

Since emotional closeness most often precedes sexual arousal for women, I suggest you find out her love language by getting the book, "The Five Love Languages." Read the book and find out each other's love languages together. Once done, implement them to let each other know how much you love one another. This may increase the closeness of your relationship.
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I found the information on this thread to be very useful and am seeing myself in kind of similar situation, except for one major part. All of these posts were from people that have been in long relationships. I have only been with my girlfriend for about 6 months. That being said, I feel like that one poster who wrote everything else is great and couldn't see myself with anyone else. My problem is I am projecting into the long term. I agree with the one poster who wrote about the personal importance in the physical aspect of the relationship for him. I agree. I think that same poster wrote how he finds it hard for him to commit to someone when there is no physical to something lifelong, when the irony is it could be that lack of commitment that's the hang up for the girl progressing emotionally. And gentleman, as we all know, and as noted in this thread, emotion is so much more closely tied to libido for a woman then a man. That being said, there were several men who wrote on this thread that they feel their gf's let them have sex with them to "keep them around" or "keep them from cheating". That implies that we too, although as men it's much more a physiological drive for us, we still desire that emotional connection that comes and is shared with making love to your gf. I know that's important for me too. And that's what I think is missing for me. Again, I want to mention that I am early on in this, and when I say that's what's missing for me, I'm just projecting into the future. It's already died away for me, and that scares me. in the bigger picture, it could just be the last three months have carried more stress for her than normal and we are just in a low of physical behavior that I'm sure is part of the overall stream of it in a relationship, and I haven't in fact reached the point of shut out...

I guess I ask for advice. My love for her is without bounds and we have a great relationship. I am just worried that it's not going to be physically fulfilling for me.... Thanks for listening.
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There's one this that I forgot to mention that is key in the way I feel about this topic. In relating to the moderator who posted about the lack of communication maybe the key... I support that idea. Perhaps she is depressed and her hormones are all messed up and it's just this huge catch 22 because, talking about it all the time creates stress which for a woman is the number one killer of libido. Yet, nothing can becomes accomplished without having communication about it. Secondly, my gf sees the problem there. She doesn't know what happened to her libido. She accepts the fact that it might be a lot of things and doesn't take fault in it. She doesn't blame me or herself. (Like that other guy, I started to wonder if it was me. She assured me it isn't. And I believe her.)

The key difference here is she's not doing anything to fix it. Which to me implies that she doesn't care about it. That's the problem I am most often internally struggling with.

Thanks again..
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FEARAgent: What fantasy universe do you live in? Wait till she wants it? give me a break. If I left it up to my GF we would never have sex or it would be once every two months. That's not good enough for any man. I rather have forced lousy sex then none at all. Wait till she wants it...hahahahah so dumb.

I'm in the same boat as many of the guys here. I talked to her about it and she said it was the pill, so she got off it and its been about a year and still no change. I talked to her again last week and she said things will change, the next week i was over at her place and she didn't want to again. So we had another talk over the weekend and I said I wanted her to go to the doctor to see what is going on. She agree that she would go this week. Now shes telling me shes going to wait till after exams, that's a month away.

If things don't get better we will break up, I feel like I'm just her best guy friend that sleeps with her once or twice a month. There is little physical contact between us, i told her even making out would be fun and still nothing. I love her but if my needs aren't met whats the point...and if we were to get married I could only imagine how bad it will get. There is only so much a man can take before its time to throw-in the towel.

I figure there are two possible outcomes by letting this go on:
1. you will cheat on her
2. you will hold it against her and never be truly happy in your relationship and it will drive you nuts
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I am in the same boat. This really sucks. I am at the very same point as the guy before me. My girlfriend and I have been best friends for the last 13 years, of which the last 3 we have been dating seriously. After about 6 months our sex life started to drop off. At first it was once a day, then it went to two times a week, then it went to once per week, and now sometimes once per 2 weeks. It's crazy. I have also asked her many times what was going on. To which she answers "I don't know" etc.

I know that if this doesn't change dramatically in the next few months, I am out of here and never looking back. I can't be with someone for a lifetime if I can't even have one simple need met. Hell, we barely even kiss anymore. It's pathetic, and I obsess about it more than any man should.

Signed,

Frustrated.
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Hey guys I'm a 23 yr old female and I know what you guys are saying I have been the same way towards my boyfriend as your girlfriends have been towards you. In all honesty in my situation I just am not thinking about it anymore. I am noticing myself becoming very depressed lately and nothing interests me at all. My boyfriend and I are extremely close and we have had to sit down and discuss our issues especially with the whole non-sexlife we have. He came to me very gently and we discussed the problem I got very emotional and we figured that there is nothing we could do about it until I get passed the depression and become normal again then nothing will change. It's not that I'm not interested anymore or that my feelings have changed towards him or that I want more out of our relationship, but it is that I am just not in the mood for anything anymore. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything including sex and exercise. I am going to see a psychologist and get on some anti-depression medication just so I can enjoy life again. My advise is tell your girlfriend you are worried about her and your relationship and see if she is maybe going through the same thing I am and then see if she wants to get help. It sounds like you guys all care very much about your girlfriends and even though this may be a tough conversation for some of you until you know the underlying reason for her actions nothing is going to just change and go back to normal. Hope this helps.
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Ever heard the saying "why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?" Well i've got a new one for you guys, "why buy a cow that doesnt produce milk!" A woman that is not having sex with you now, except for religious reasons, will probably not become a nypho for you later. My best advice is to find someone that wants to live life in the same way that you do and be with them. There are plenty of guys, though not as many as women, that are fine with not having sex as often, let them be with those women that u guys are talking about, b/c the sex situation will NEVER change until she gets near menopause and then it MIGHT turn on for her. It is a tough situation, I know, as some of you have said that "you have needs", this is the last thing that a woman wants to hear. She wants you to need her, not just her vag. The problem here isnt her, its you, and the sad part is that you didnt even mean to do it. Remember before you started having sex, you probably treated her like she was priceless and that sex wasnt the target, she was. And sex was awesome for a while, until you used up the reserve that you put into her. Now the things that you do, telling her she's beautiful, and how much you love her, while you mean them genually, what she hears is, im telling you this because I want to have sex with you. And probably because you have said this too many times and then attacked her like the little horndog you are. I'm just saying slow it down and shower her with love and affection and then let her make the move, even if this just means a kiss or a makeout session. Just remember that the disconnect happened to her long ago and she is "starting over" with the intimate side. You cant think that everytime she makes a move that she wants to go all the way. Another thing to try is to shake things up, by taking her to different places then u normally do, or try taking her on a surprise trip. Good luck guys, but do realize that just because you love someone that you shouldnt live an unhappy life because of on issue between the two of you, hell there are over 3 billion women in the world there has to be one that feels the same as you.
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oh my good god. after reading quite a many few of these same stories from different websites (as i am having exactly the same issue) ive found the solution. Whoever the poster was who talked about cows with no milk blah blah, that chick (and i say chick because it could have been no mere man) has got it f***ing right. This makes me change my whole thought process and game. My fiance of one year now is having the same "issue" we know what hers is from, she has gained maybe 20 lbs and feels unattractive no matter what i say, its like pulling teeth to sleep with her. sad as it is. basically what i got from this poster is that i not only need to be the epitome of aloof about it, but to somehow spin it to make it feel like the day we first started dating. give her back some of that edgy exitement that we first hit it off with. SOOO instead off QQing about it for ANOTHER 3 months, im gonna change this situation...take control if you will. Good luck to all you fellow men out there with this issue. good luck! i will report my results if i find they do in fact work.
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