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My wife & I have been married 20 years. We are both faithful, But while arguing about something pertaining to sex the other day, I said something in refference to ( you cum as often as me when we have sex,) & She blurted out ( Frankly I can't cum, I have never cummed in our 20 years together.)
How should I take this? She was absolutely a virgin when we married.
So I know she means NEVER.
Now I feel insecure as an 18 year old & i'm 50 years old,
Plus there is a ten year age difference, She is only fourty.
She has been telling me all along she is cumming nearly every time.

But, She reminded me that when we first married, I told her to tell me she is cumming. (As A turn on for me) But, somewhere in that twenty Years I guess I forgot I told her that.
Now, What should I do? Nothing? Just keep doing what we have?
She says now (after the argument) That she is satisfied satisfying me, But I'm not so sure.
Is there anything I should be doing for her so she can climax?


try and give her oral


I have, A lot. Especially lately.


Slow and steady Chuck, with a ton of foreplay. When you are are making love are you in a rush with your moves? We hate to be rushed during lovemaking. Do you have a scheduled plan? For ex...kiss, kiss, suck her neck and ears...move to the left boob then the right... Move downdown..then jump on...Boreing!!! Mix it up, a lot.
You need to ask her what turns her on as communication in the bedroom is just as important as out of the bedroom. Come right out and ask her, after 20 years you should be able to discuss anything.
Follow her body movements, a womens moves in bed speaks volumes.
Pretending to have an orgasm is not a good idea as it makes hubby think that he is doing a good job between the sheets.
Plan a night where you are sure there will be no interuptions. Take her out to dinner and have a few glasses of wine when you get home. Set the mood. Shower or bath together. Do something that she would not expect you to do. Now you have laid the groundwork for some good lovin. Take her to bed and shake it up a little. Cuddle a little first,then ask her what she would like you to do her that would make her feels good, then do it. Ask her how it feels. Ask her how she feels about a little help in the bedroom, maybe a toy of some kind or even watch a porn flick together, nothing wrong with that. Be a little adventurous, act like a kid again. Many women can not have an orgasm by intercourse, so don't get offended. Bring her to orgasm orally if you have to, that's fine.
She has finally told you after all these years that she has never had an orgasm, now it's up to you to figure out why.
Maybe she has some underlying issues going on. Find out whats going on in her head. Did something happen in her childhood? There could be many reasons why she has a problem reaching an orgasm. Try your approach first and see what happens. You may get a slight response at first, then it's all uphill from there.


You shouldn't feel insecure, this is a very common communication problem with many couples of all age groups. Although now that the situation is out in the open you definitly need to help your wife find some way to achieve sexual bliss.

Women are not like men, in that most women can only come under certain circumstances (although this is not to say that all women are dictated by the same factors). One major issue many women have is environment, if they do not feel like they are in a safe environment, or if they feel uncomfortable for any reason some women can not come, no matter what stimuli is introduced or how skilled a partner.

Another common issue many women have while having sex, is they can only achieve sexual bliss in certain positions or while being introduced to external stimuli. Every woman is different, but most women say (in my experience) that the best positions for achieving sexual bliss is when they are riding their partner (This way they are in control and can do whatever feels best) or when they are on their back with their legs up (This allows for a much deeper penetration and tends to make it easier to hit the G-spot). Most women cannot reach this bliss if they are not face to face with their partner, this is because most women need to look into their partners eyes to feel the intimacy and security necessary for them to achieve sexual bliss.

Now there are a few women who cannot achieve sexual bliss during actual intercourse, my sister is one of these women, and there is actually a surprisingly high percentage of women who fall under this category. There are many alternative ways for a woman to achieve sexual bliss outside of intercourse. Some of the most effective ways involve various ways of stimulating the clitoris, from rubbing it, to licking it, to using a vibrator, and I have even heard of a few women who use electrical stimulation (although I would not recommending using this method unless all else fails and your wife personal requests it).

All women are different, and the only way to figure out what works best for her is through trial and error. Sadly there are a few women who cannot naturally achieve sexual bliss, although it is extremely rare. Anyway I hope this is helpful, and try not to get discouraged, I'm sure you'll find some way for your wife to reach her climax.