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The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face. "Someone in this
congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.This is a
horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am
embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did
this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No
one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and
admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart
you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."Again all was
quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would
stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice
quivered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible
misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klan. I simply told
a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller, "I want to
open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, dammit. I said

I want to open a d@mn checking account now."

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this
bank." The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to
inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not
have to listen to that foul language. They both return to the window and the
manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no d@mn problem," the man says ..."I just won 50 million bucks in
the d@mn lotto and I want to open a d@mn checking account in this d@mn

"I see," says the manager, "and is this b!tch giving you a hard time?"



I am currently out at a job interview and will reply
to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for
my mood.

You are receiving this automatic notification because
I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you
wouldn't have received anything at all.

I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless
emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4
April. Please be patient and your mail will be
deleted in the order it was received.

Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been
charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for
each additional word in your message.

The e-mail server is unable to verify your server
connection and is unable to deliver this message.
Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(the beauty of this is that when you return, you can
see how many in-DUH-viduals did this over and over).

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a
queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and
can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19

I've run away to join a different circus.

I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for
medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as
'Margaret' instead of 'Steve'.


Following are four religious truths I have found:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.