> A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him
>if it was dead or alive.
> "Dead." She was informed.
> "How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
> "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
> "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and
>it didn't move."
> _________________________________________________
> A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
> Five minutes later....
> "Da-ad...."
> "What?
> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
> "No. You had your chance. Lights out."
> Five minutes later:
> "Da-aaaad....."
> "WHAT?"
> "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
> "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
> Five minutes later......
> "Daaaa-aaaad....."
> "WHAT!"
> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a
> drink of water?"
> ________________________________________________
>An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally
>asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
> The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in
>and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
>sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
> _________________________________________________
> One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
>her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
>tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear,"she
>said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big
> _________________________________________________
>It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
>sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was
>wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor
>leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter
> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
> microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b***h to iron."
> _________________________________________________
>When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came
>into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She
>said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
>I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy"
> "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
> ________________________________________________
>A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus
>five, that son of a b***h is seven. Three plus six, that son of a b***h is
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
> "Yes," he answered.
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
>teaching my son in math?"
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two,
>that son of a b***h is four?"
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
>was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
> _________________________________________________
> One day a teacher read the story Chicken Little her class. She came
>to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
> She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
>"The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
> The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
>farmer said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy
>sh*t! A talking chicken!'"