So I have been with my partner sometime now and yes I'm gay please don't judge.
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The problem is he cannot get an erection 99% of the time and yet he can get one and go through the normal motions watching porn to the point he can fullfill himself.
He says he doesnt know whats wrong or why it happens, he likes the kissing and the touching and one time managed to get semi erect but then it just drops again like there is a switch.
He finds it really difficult to deal with and I do too since all my suggestions of being clothed, light touching, passionate kissing etc are all failing after a short time - he recgnosies he has this issue and thinks its stems from being used by other guys for sex in the past and he has low confidence.
I have tried so hard to give him a boost, make him feel good and I love him alot I just don't know what else to do now since he's seen a therapist and it hasnt really gotten him anywhere and he is afraid I will leave him for it.
He feels that he's had quite a severe addiction to porn and has owned a fair bit and various other things, and he has suspected that his mind becomes disconnected from the physical because of how porn has given him that mental expectation does that make sense ?
I dont know how I can help him anymore :(
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Hi Mat,
Yes, the porn addiction makes sense. So does his his feeeling of being used. He needs to move past these thoughts and it won't be easy.
It's great that you're there for him and trying but it may just be putting more pressure on him. Back off, a lot. If you love him then give him time without the pressure. Just hang out, cuddle, do anything but mention sex. If he expresses a desire to try then go for it. You're going to need a lot of patience to help him.
Remember anxiety, stress, pressure, all of that can prevent or kill an erection very fast. You know that. Just let him be for a bit and see what happens.
Good luck.
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Thanks I figured as much it's just becoming a little awkward you know with the whole instigating it getting so far and then total switch off, I was thinking it was me, he was getting upset about it etc.
He says he is going to arrange to talk to someone will that help ? I am just worried this is a part of a larger problem but then I am not too sure all I do know is that the porn got way way out of hand and last november he admitted it to be an issue to himself and while he has moments of weakness he does manage fairly well now but thats ofcourse just the start.
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