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Greetings folks

I am a 19 year old, physically fit, semi-happy male from the U.K. I was with a girl the other night, and I couldn't for the life of me get an erection.

I've had sex before, first time I tried I couldn't get it up. This was, again, at night. In the morning, however, my soldier was standing to attention, and i had amazing sex with my then girlfriend.

I have spent many hours scouring the web for solutions, and here is some important information i think you should all know before i ask for advice;

5 ft 10
Penis is 6 inches or so when erect, 3 when flacid.
Physically fit, go jogging alot and the gym twice a week.
Healthy social life, good friends.
Half English half Romanian

And here, i think, is the most imprtant factor of my erectile dysfunction: My sexual interests.

I am very much into BDSM, and having a female dominate me. I have been masturbating, on average, every day since i was 14 and a half. Not to bog standard porn, but videos of dominatrixes smoking and generally abusing men like me. I still masturbate once every 2 days.

So i beg you, please give me some advice and your thoughts on what i should do, and if you think my sexual desires have an effect on my erection prowess. It will be tremendously appreciated.

Thanks in advance chaps.


I think the best thing to do would be to talk with your girlfriend. It's important that you tell her what you like or what you would like her to do. You told us you like BDSM or something : ask her to dominate you while... giving you a punition or something if it's what you like. Don't forget to ask her what she likes, so you can both get fully satisfied.

You may want to get rid of the habit of BDSM in order to gain erections in any sexual situations, or you might want to focus only on this sexual method.

The choice is yours, but I would say that the most important thing is to talk with your partner. If she doesn't agree to do those things with you, well you might consider not spending your whole life with her because both of you will be unhappy.

Otherwise, if you want your soldier to be ready at any sexual opportunity, you need to train yourself in a certain way. Think at what may get you hard. Every guy is different, so think about what gets YOU turned on. For example, my girlfriend gets really wet when she is sexually aroused, and this turns me on like crazy. So this may turn you on or not, but think about it. Imagine that she is dominating you if it can help. Or slapping a part of your body. These are just basics ideas.

Have fun.


Some good points there dude, thanks. So you think if i stop masturbating to BDSM porn that I will be more responsive in what is considered "Normal" sexual situations?


I don't really like the word "Normal" because normality only exists because of regroupments of people. But anyway, this would be a good idea if you want to be able to gain erection more easily when there is no domination of some sort. But like I said, if you are into BDSM... well there is nothing wrong with it. My point is that society evolves and the "normality" changes too... so I wouldn't even be surprised if by 2050 for example, BDSM becomes "normal". So do what you think is good for you, not what is good for others. It's a cliche, but it's true.


Hmm i see what you mean dude. It's just alot harder to find a girl who's into that stuff you know. Cheers for the advice Sunblast.


Hey mate,

I was in a similar situation a few years back (no erection without BDSM) and I generally agree with what's been said above. Another thing I would add is that in my opinion you should also stop watching porn. There is a lot of talk about "porn induced erectile dysfunction" these days, and while I don't agree with all of it, when I stopped watching porn I noticed massive results. If you google "porn induced erectile dysfunction" you'll find a lot about it.

One other thing is that I tried to train myself to not want BDSM in sex and it didn't work for me. So I chose to just accept it. I was kind of bummed about that because like you said, it's way harder to find a girl (or guy) who is in to that, but given it seems like the BDSM has either always been inherent to me or at the very least it now is - so best to accept it and move on.

Maybe you've already got things sorted out. But if not definitely give no porn a try.