What To Say (And Not To Say) To Someone With Depression

Depression is a hard thing to go through, especially if you're alone in the process. When you find out that someone we deeply care about has depression, you might not know how best to support them. You're not alone if you find it hard to figure out what to say to a depressed person.

 

Many of us find it difficult to talk to someone who we know is suffering from depression. Why? Mostly we are afraid that we will say the wrong thing and cause the person we are trying to comfort further distress; thus, we opt to stay on the side of caution and say nothing at all.

 

However, this does not have to be the case. Although you may be worried about upsetting someone who's suffering from depression, being there for them and saying the right things can really help. Even just a little bit of support may mean the world to them. That's why it's important to know how to talk to someone with depression, especially if it's someone you really care about. 

 

Let's take a look at some practical tips on how to talk to someone who is depressed.

 

Understand That Depression Does Not Always Have an Obvious Cause

Many of us mistakenly believe that there must be an obvious reason for someone to feel depressed. This is not always the case. There may be numerous small events culminating in an episode of situational depression. Everyone has their limits, and what you may be able to withstand may not be the same for others. People with clinical depression resulting from a chemical imbalance may not be able to verbalize why they feel depressed if their depression is due to an abnormality in brain chemistry. Some people may not feel comfortable disclosing why they feel depressed, or may be unable to articulate their feelings. Severely depressed people may find it hard enough to simply attend to simple activities (if they are able) and may be incapable of discussing with others their thoughts and feelings.

Stating that you know how a depressed person feels is unnecessary and may make the depressed person feel as though you are patronizing them or downplaying their feelings. The bottom line is you don’t know how they feel, and you should be careful not to pretend that you do. Depression is a unique experience and no one can truly understand how another is feeling. What you can say is that you are there for that person whenever they need to talk. Offer a nonjudgmental ear and a shoulder to cry on, but don’t pretend to understand if you truly don’t.

Downplaying the seriousness of someone’s feelings is just as harmful. Don’t offer platitudes such as “Things will be better tomorrow” or “Look on the bright side of things”. People suffering from depression have difficulty believing that things will improve, and it may take some time, counseling or medication before their depression begins to lift. Minimizing their feelings won’t make them feel better; in fact, they may feel angry and may turn away from you.