I know I am replying late but this sounds exactly like how I used to be and so am replying for future readers.
I was 17 at the time - been with my girlfriend for almost 6 months. Whenever we were kissing, I would always get an erection, but as soon as we took it to the bedroom, any mention of sex, and although my body desperately wanted to do it, I would only get semi-erect, ie. not enough to actually have penetrative intercourse. We tried maybe 8 times, with me not quite being able to penetrate. We were both absolutely at a loss. I had never been more comfortable around her, so I didn't think it was anxiety, and she was very sexperienced and was doing all that should have been necessary to get me hard. She was so upset (despite me telling her it wasnt her fault) that we nearly broke up, as for about 8 months we had been stuck on second and third base (which worked fine btw), and we just couldnt see how to move forward. I was a virgin at this point.
Can I just say at this point that especially if you are young and in this situation, viagra is NOT the answer. It is expensive and utterly unnecessary - you absolutely do not have erectile dysfunction.
I am now 18 and have been going out with my girlfriend for about a year and a half. We have been having (protected) sex fairly frequently for about 6 months now (ie more times than I can count, but not tons and tons).
The problem I was having before, and it is not so much anxiety (I belive) as everyone says, but PRESSURE that you put on yourself. You do genuinely need to relax, and the only way to do this is feel, rather than think. feel how pleasurable foreplay is, dont consciously think (have I got a hard-on yet? what do i need to do to get one? this could be really embaressing etc.) Noone is amazing at sex on their first time. I guarentee. But you have to learn to just enjoy it. If you feel nervous about messing up with condoms/flopping whilst entering etc, this is purely because you are pressuring yourself. Maybe have a few drinks (if its legal) (but dont drink too much as this is seriously counterproductive) and you have to learn to look forward to sex, as opposed to be filled with mixed emotions of fear, doubt, pressure. Have a night in where you are trying to be as fully relaxed as possible, think as little as possible, and you should be fine. If this doesn't work first time, dont worry about it. Every man in the world has flopped at some point in his life. Dont dwell on it, and try again soon.
It is hard to express what changes in between scenario 1 and 2 but I genuinely belive its confidence and relaxation. Man up and do what your body is desperate for you to do. Good luck!
I was 17 at the time - been with my girlfriend for almost 6 months. Whenever we were kissing, I would always get an erection, but as soon as we took it to the bedroom, any mention of sex, and although my body desperately wanted to do it, I would only get semi-erect, ie. not enough to actually have penetrative intercourse. We tried maybe 8 times, with me not quite being able to penetrate. We were both absolutely at a loss. I had never been more comfortable around her, so I didn't think it was anxiety, and she was very sexperienced and was doing all that should have been necessary to get me hard. She was so upset (despite me telling her it wasnt her fault) that we nearly broke up, as for about 8 months we had been stuck on second and third base (which worked fine btw), and we just couldnt see how to move forward. I was a virgin at this point.
Can I just say at this point that especially if you are young and in this situation, viagra is NOT the answer. It is expensive and utterly unnecessary - you absolutely do not have erectile dysfunction.
I am now 18 and have been going out with my girlfriend for about a year and a half. We have been having (protected) sex fairly frequently for about 6 months now (ie more times than I can count, but not tons and tons).
The problem I was having before, and it is not so much anxiety (I belive) as everyone says, but PRESSURE that you put on yourself. You do genuinely need to relax, and the only way to do this is feel, rather than think. feel how pleasurable foreplay is, dont consciously think (have I got a hard-on yet? what do i need to do to get one? this could be really embaressing etc.) Noone is amazing at sex on their first time. I guarentee. But you have to learn to just enjoy it. If you feel nervous about messing up with condoms/flopping whilst entering etc, this is purely because you are pressuring yourself. Maybe have a few drinks (if its legal) (but dont drink too much as this is seriously counterproductive) and you have to learn to look forward to sex, as opposed to be filled with mixed emotions of fear, doubt, pressure. Have a night in where you are trying to be as fully relaxed as possible, think as little as possible, and you should be fine. If this doesn't work first time, dont worry about it. Every man in the world has flopped at some point in his life. Dont dwell on it, and try again soon.
It is hard to express what changes in between scenario 1 and 2 but I genuinely belive its confidence and relaxation. Man up and do what your body is desperate for you to do. Good luck!
Loading...
it stared as a game we took turns asking questions about each other then i asked where her turn on spots are she said to find thm so fter a few minets she was naked and got me a condom but i could not get hard we spent an hour of me pleaseing her but i could not get hard i wasent nrvous i was cal and i wanted it BAD BUT I COULDENT GET IT UP ANY SUGESTIONS ON WHAT I AN DO NEXT TIME!!!!
Loading...
i highly recomend a Mcdonalds breakfast meal.
i swear i get nervous around my gf its just embarasing but when i had one of these morning meals, Wooo i was nervous again BUT i got verry hard like a missle and started doing work. it was the best morning of my life :-).
idk what it is but those breakfast meals are where its at
i swear i get nervous around my gf its just embarasing but when i had one of these morning meals, Wooo i was nervous again BUT i got verry hard like a missle and started doing work. it was the best morning of my life :-).
idk what it is but those breakfast meals are where its at
Loading...
Same thing, The first time my girlfriend touched me i started to shake, it was my first time doing anything. This has happened many times. Eventually she just told me to relax and just let her do the work and after i learned to relax everything got better. I think guys just think about everything that can go wrong, whether it be coming to early or not getting hard and all that stress makes things alot harder. So just relax and keep trying.
Loading...
Same here, when we make out we hump or grind on each other whatever u wanna call it. It works just fine in terms of getting an erection, the minute my hand touched her vagina my erection disappeared and i started to freak out a little bit. shes not a virgin and i am. Anxiety is an erection killer. any tips on how to get ur mind out of the anxiety hole? thanks!
Loading...
Hey fellas I know I'm replying super late but I've been having troubles lately. I'm 17 and I've been dating my girlfriend for about 4 months now. We have sex on a refular basis. Sometimes like 7 times a day. I've never had problems getting it up and usually I could go 2-3 times without losing it. I have never had troubles until just recently when I got back from christmas vacation. When I got back we had sex once and I lost it immediately after I got off. Then I couldn't get it back up again the rest of the night. The next day I went to her house and I couldn't get it up again. There's no way I have ED or anything like that - I'm only 17. And I definitely haven't lost desire to have sex with my girlfriend. I really wanna have sex with her I just can't get it up like I used to. I don't know what my problem is and would greatly appreciate any advice.
Loading...
The first step while engaging yourself in sex is to get Relax and Calm. This problem are common at your age. And wtf having sex at 16? I was virgin till 22...Don't Laugh 8-|
Loading...
You guy's are amazing!! When I read all the comments, I thought in my mind this has happened too me to. I just wanna thank everyone for sharing their experiences with this difficult situation. It's really nice to know that I'm not the only one who has this problem. So tonight I'm going to look back at this topic/comments and Bam!!!! BABY!!! It's time to get my mojo on!!!
Loading...
I want to thank you all for sharing your experiences. Pretty much same setup, 16 years old, my girlfriend wasn't a virgin and I was, only that my problem wasn't my first time. My first time I got a regular hard on, the second time I even kept on going for three hours (although wasn't in general a great experience), the third was by far the best one, as I could see I was clearly pleasuring her a lot more than the previous times and was starting to feel more comfortable in bed. The fourth time however, during the foreplay I was hard, but the moment I put on the condom, right before penetrating her I dropped cold. She did try to get me back by many ways, but I wouldn't budge. That really screwed me up and I started worrying as hell. She did try to comfort me with the usual bulshit i.e "Don't worry it happens to everyone" (which was really nice of her btw, don't get me wrong), although I couldn't get thoughts as "What if it happens again", etc. out of my head. Which now I see was the most major mistake you could make. Earlier this night, with my mom home (i.e. I wasn't expecting to get any action really) we were making out in my room, giving me a real hard on. At one point we were at "who gives a sh*t if she is in the next room", but as soon as I turned the lock, I started worrying if I was hard enough, etc. and by the time we were undressed and I got my condom on I was already half dead. That screwed me up even worse than the first time. Thoughts in my head like is it from the smoking, will I need viagra etc. etc. so I started searching the Internet for the issue, and found this topic (phew!). Now I'm not sure what was the reason for the first fail, but could be a lot of possibilities, mainly I guess is the reason that I am not getting enough sleep for months now, but for the second time I'm almost certain that it was all the anxiety causing the issue.
I'm thinking for the next time, just to smoke a spliff before that, to help me relax (I prefer it over beer) and try not to worry my head with if I'm hard or not rather than just enjoying it. What do you think?
I'm thinking for the next time, just to smoke a spliff before that, to help me relax (I prefer it over beer) and try not to worry my head with if I'm hard or not rather than just enjoying it. What do you think?
Loading...
( using psychology)
now i want you to close your eyes and then think just think back to that moment where you couldnt erect
what was going through your mind at the time
DONT ANSWER ME
answer yourself what was going through your mind at the time
and then when you find out what was going through your mind ask yourself this question and i want you to really think about this question:
Were you afraid someone might walk in??
Were you embarrassed because you couldnt erect and that made you feel like you couldnt satisfy? Or were you perhaps having doubts at the back of your mind that this might not be what you want at the moment?
and then when you find the answer
and i dont expect a immediate answer
but when you find the answer open your eyes then tell me how your feeling this is only one of the tests.
but if my suspicions are correct and if im correct then this'll be over soon and the answer will come to you.
now do not post a answer,but give your answer outloud to yourself.
and when you give yourself a answer explain to yourself outloud what your feeling, your thoughts.
got it?
are you SURE this is your answer?
You might say: i wasnt afraid of anyone walking in,but what it was is that since i didnt erect the 1st time i didnt wanna have it happen this time,because it feels like i dissapointed her,even tho the 1st time i cudnt erect i told her,she said she understands and its fine but i still felt like i failed her(this is a responce that was given when this method was used).
(skip this part if this is the 1st time this erectial problem happened,go to step 1) theres your answer then .
its because you felt that you failed her
that you couldnt
you said
this is the 2nd time its happened?
it happend 1st time also?
because if this happend the 2nd time
then that is your answer: that you were afraid that it might happen again.
(this was for the event this is the 2nd+ try and you could not retrive an erection)
STEP 1
so now that we found the problem
work towards not thinking ABOUT it work towards not thinking about what happend the previous 2 times
whats done is done no one can change that think about now not then
and that is the solution to your problem
(you might say)
'' easier said then done.i've been trying to do that ever since the 1st time the problem happened.i went in confident.. but apparently not confident enough,its my sub concious.''
stop right there,stop right there!
what did i just say about not thinking about it?
the time is now not then
forget about the past!
move onwards and have that out of your mind
its like a poison
its chains of memories
break free from the chains that bind you to your memories
and you will be free
have doubt out of your mind
see we found the problem
really quickly(probally)
now to start off to the meat and cheese of this process:
STEP2
2nd step would be to stop thinking too much into it
and telling yourself what's done is done and you should'nt look back to it
because you'll be a slave to your memories
time is now not then
forget about the past
move onwards and have that out of your mind
its like a poison
its chains of memories
break free from the chains that bind you to your memories
and you will be free
have doubt out of your mind
STEP3
now 3rd step is simple BUT i never said it was easy
never in this session did i say that this was going to be easy
a psychological problem is never easy nothing in this world is ever easy
3rd step is the next time,the next time that your put in the same situation
DO NOT think of the past look towards the future
do not try too hard either
and never ever think too much
we are built on a foundation of Incentive
this is what humanity is an instrumentality project were built on incentives
we cannot over think too much
or we will destroy ourselves
No one makes us do anything we do it to ourselves through over compensation over thinking over strategizing
sometimes spontaneous is the best, go with the flow
I do what i do because i can i do not have a doubt in my mind
doubt holds you back
everyone likes me cuz i give the people what they want as long as you continue to follow this rule
where there a mind set to win,sucess will be achieved
just like the ivana chubbuck book: The Power Of The Actor
as long as you follow her guidelines having the mind set to win can be used not just in acting but in any possible situation. (i am not promoting the book,i am simply telling you about the book where i learned about this mindset to win technique)
we dont act accordingly to rules and regulations chains can be broken rules should be broken (dont go off doing illegal stuff because that is not what i mean)
this is life
this is humanity
this is who we are we cannot function without order
But this isnt a perfect world,there is no perfection there is no justice except for what we take for ourselves.god didnt put us here for us to become slaves to the industry slaves to the government slaves to our jobs,or slaves to our memories.
Remember what tyler durden(a fictional character)said in the movie Fight Club "Its only after you lose everything that your free to do anything"
and only after this awakening. .realization,its only after this that you will truly be free doubt is a poison.. corroding you from the inside out eating you inside out killing you slowly release the doubt and you have no worries
live life without worries this is why im building a boat just leaving everything float in the breeze live a life with no worries.
Take me and the guitar for an example: i was horrible at playing the guitar,and i quit many times,but i later on erased doubts about my talent and went back to playing,sure it took awhile,but now i can play it better then i ever could.This would not of happened had i given up,So you shouldnt give up either.
live a life with MY RULES my REGULATIONS it may sound selfish but guess what lifes a bit*h and deaths the sister with a f**king beautiful family picture
our session ends now im sure that you will achieve more progress i have no doubts in you.. doubts left my mind a long time ago.
now i want you to close your eyes and then think just think back to that moment where you couldnt erect
what was going through your mind at the time
DONT ANSWER ME
answer yourself what was going through your mind at the time
and then when you find out what was going through your mind ask yourself this question and i want you to really think about this question:
Were you afraid someone might walk in??
Were you embarrassed because you couldnt erect and that made you feel like you couldnt satisfy? Or were you perhaps having doubts at the back of your mind that this might not be what you want at the moment?
and then when you find the answer
and i dont expect a immediate answer
but when you find the answer open your eyes then tell me how your feeling this is only one of the tests.
but if my suspicions are correct and if im correct then this'll be over soon and the answer will come to you.
now do not post a answer,but give your answer outloud to yourself.
and when you give yourself a answer explain to yourself outloud what your feeling, your thoughts.
got it?
are you SURE this is your answer?
You might say: i wasnt afraid of anyone walking in,but what it was is that since i didnt erect the 1st time i didnt wanna have it happen this time,because it feels like i dissapointed her,even tho the 1st time i cudnt erect i told her,she said she understands and its fine but i still felt like i failed her(this is a responce that was given when this method was used).
(skip this part if this is the 1st time this erectial problem happened,go to step 1) theres your answer then .
its because you felt that you failed her
that you couldnt
you said
this is the 2nd time its happened?
it happend 1st time also?
because if this happend the 2nd time
then that is your answer: that you were afraid that it might happen again.
(this was for the event this is the 2nd+ try and you could not retrive an erection)
STEP 1
so now that we found the problem
work towards not thinking ABOUT it work towards not thinking about what happend the previous 2 times
whats done is done no one can change that think about now not then
and that is the solution to your problem
(you might say)
'' easier said then done.i've been trying to do that ever since the 1st time the problem happened.i went in confident.. but apparently not confident enough,its my sub concious.''
stop right there,stop right there!
what did i just say about not thinking about it?
the time is now not then
forget about the past!
move onwards and have that out of your mind
its like a poison
its chains of memories
break free from the chains that bind you to your memories
and you will be free
have doubt out of your mind
see we found the problem
really quickly(probally)
now to start off to the meat and cheese of this process:
STEP2
2nd step would be to stop thinking too much into it
and telling yourself what's done is done and you should'nt look back to it
because you'll be a slave to your memories
time is now not then
forget about the past
move onwards and have that out of your mind
its like a poison
its chains of memories
break free from the chains that bind you to your memories
and you will be free
have doubt out of your mind
STEP3
now 3rd step is simple BUT i never said it was easy
never in this session did i say that this was going to be easy
a psychological problem is never easy nothing in this world is ever easy
3rd step is the next time,the next time that your put in the same situation
DO NOT think of the past look towards the future
do not try too hard either
and never ever think too much
we are built on a foundation of Incentive
this is what humanity is an instrumentality project were built on incentives
we cannot over think too much
or we will destroy ourselves
No one makes us do anything we do it to ourselves through over compensation over thinking over strategizing
sometimes spontaneous is the best, go with the flow
I do what i do because i can i do not have a doubt in my mind
doubt holds you back
everyone likes me cuz i give the people what they want as long as you continue to follow this rule
where there a mind set to win,sucess will be achieved
just like the ivana chubbuck book: The Power Of The Actor
as long as you follow her guidelines having the mind set to win can be used not just in acting but in any possible situation. (i am not promoting the book,i am simply telling you about the book where i learned about this mindset to win technique)
we dont act accordingly to rules and regulations chains can be broken rules should be broken (dont go off doing illegal stuff because that is not what i mean)
this is life
this is humanity
this is who we are we cannot function without order
But this isnt a perfect world,there is no perfection there is no justice except for what we take for ourselves.god didnt put us here for us to become slaves to the industry slaves to the government slaves to our jobs,or slaves to our memories.
Remember what tyler durden(a fictional character)said in the movie Fight Club "Its only after you lose everything that your free to do anything"
and only after this awakening. .realization,its only after this that you will truly be free doubt is a poison.. corroding you from the inside out eating you inside out killing you slowly release the doubt and you have no worries
live life without worries this is why im building a boat just leaving everything float in the breeze live a life with no worries.
Take me and the guitar for an example: i was horrible at playing the guitar,and i quit many times,but i later on erased doubts about my talent and went back to playing,sure it took awhile,but now i can play it better then i ever could.This would not of happened had i given up,So you shouldnt give up either.
live a life with MY RULES my REGULATIONS it may sound selfish but guess what lifes a bit*h and deaths the sister with a f**king beautiful family picture
our session ends now im sure that you will achieve more progress i have no doubts in you.. doubts left my mind a long time ago.
Loading...
yeh, i have the same problem kinda, like, i try to watch porn but it realy doesnt turn me on, and when it comes to kissing it gets hard eventualy but past then it kinda flops. im meeting with this girl and she wants to sleep in my car with me and i know shes gona come onto me, like im propper nervous that im not gona get it up :S
Loading...
Sorry bout the late reply guys. Yea I'm 16 too n man I got the best girl I culd ask for but just one problm I can't get a hard when We move on from touching. I thought it was her cuz I've been w multiple girls b4 n she's kinda new to this and I don't want to lose her or anything by messin up. She says it's ok but I don't think it is. I rly think it's anxiety just nervous and yea like everybody else I use to watch porn like everyday and masturbate at least...well more than the normal. But I think thts part of it and just me wanting to please her and make her happy and not be dominant bcuz of experience. Guys jus relax and let it got ur body and mind will go along with it when your truly ready. And use protection for your sake too
Loading...
I had forgotten that my first time, I was trembling as well.
It wasn't that I was scared, but my date realized that it was nervousness...and that my adrenaline was running high.
We used a condom, and though i stayed firm, I didn't come. It was girl on top, and boy, she did come, and she enjoyed it. I was pretty passive that first night.
Afterwards, when I got home, I took a shower and found I could climax, but not that night, not with her.
The next couple of times we tried, it was easier and I was more agreesive.
So, from the vantage point of 55 years old and 25 years of marriage, I assure you guys that you WILL get limp sometimes when you wish it was otherwise.... just like you get hard sometimes when you wish that it would go away.
So, I wouldn't worry about it, but DO read Dr. David Rubin's classic book "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex".
You won't regret it.
It wasn't that I was scared, but my date realized that it was nervousness...and that my adrenaline was running high.
We used a condom, and though i stayed firm, I didn't come. It was girl on top, and boy, she did come, and she enjoyed it. I was pretty passive that first night.
Afterwards, when I got home, I took a shower and found I could climax, but not that night, not with her.
The next couple of times we tried, it was easier and I was more agreesive.
So, from the vantage point of 55 years old and 25 years of marriage, I assure you guys that you WILL get limp sometimes when you wish it was otherwise.... just like you get hard sometimes when you wish that it would go away.
So, I wouldn't worry about it, but DO read Dr. David Rubin's classic book "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex".
You won't regret it.
Loading...
i agree with this guy "well i have read what you guys had to say. its not you guys at all. do
you guys watch porn...maybe thats whats wrong porn fills your mind with
the perfect girl,you cant get the perfect girl. you start to see
inperfecttions in your girlfriend. stop masterbating and watching porn
for a couple of months and youll see. sergio estrada barreno"
Loading...
i have a similar problem im 17 and have been split up with my ex gf for about 6-7 months we recently started having sex again which is going fine however i have met this new girl which is much more attractive than my ex but i cannot get hard! its soo frustrating i cant seem to think of a reason at first i thought it my be drink/tiredness but my ex came round the day after one of the attempts and i was exhausted from no sleep and wasnt wanting sex but as soon as she started kissing me i was extremely hard and managed to have sex with her no problem!!
please help
Loading...