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Hello. (I'm 15 btw)
Recently I have been getting more and more depressed about my life.
This is what sparked it off:
I am completely in love with this girl who I have known for about 2 years, and apparently she was in love with me (this was a couple of weeks ago) Then out of nowhere she tells me she has a boyfriend now and that's it. It completely crushed me when she told me. I actually didn't know what I was going to do because I knew this had consequently ruined our strong friendship but I really didn't want it all to end this way. I've tried to plan to meet up with her but she always tells me she has other plans. We used to be really close and now it's just all gone. I actually can't imagine life without her and I really don't know what to do.
Now, this issue got me thinking about the rest of my life.
How I am failing in school.
I have very few friends, and only 1 who I ever see outside off school which is kinda depressing if you put it all into perspective.
I have self-harmed in the past and have had those kinds of thoughts on many occasions.
I don't want to kill myself, heck that's the last thing I want to do. But I really don't know what to do anymore. It's feels like my life has lost all meaning.
Also, I cannot fix these problems as I think I may have some sort of social anxiety disorder, and so as you can imagine, it is very difficult for me to meet new people/meet friends/go to parties etc/meet girls/do anything which requires social interaction. Which is also horrible.
You may think that this shouldn't get in the way of being social, but trust me I cannot do it. I've tried..and failed.
Also, I have summer holidays now for 6 weeks.
And all I can imagine myself to do is sit at home and do nothing at all.
I really would like to be out having fun, but:
A. I can't bring myself to do it
B. I have no one to go have fun with.
I really don't want to waste my life, because despite any problems I have emotionally, I have a good life. Sucks that I hate it so much.
I'm just sick and tired of just lazing around the house, doing nothing and being bored out of my skull. And then any opportunity I get to sort out my life I just ruin it.

Anyway, thank you to anyone who responds to this. Any help/advice is greatly appreciated

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I don't know if anyone answered you yet. I am feeling like I'm having another emotional breakdown and in a web search found your post. There is a big difference between us though -- I'm 46 years old and have been through the cycle a few times. Losing boyfriends was among the most painful things I went through -- and, besides the pain, left me so friggin' bored that I wanted to rip everything apart! Because without the boyfriend, I had nothing much to think about and no one to interact with.

However, life really is so crazy that when you think everything is over, something eventually comes along to spark your interest again. Could be for you a new friend/girl friend, or maybe there is something you are really into? In my case, in the past few years I started making bead jewelry and helping the animal rescues in my area. But even then, sometimes I get bored. You say you have a friend, which puts you ahead of the many people who have NO one - no friends or even relatives to relate to. Why don't you go to places that are social but do not require you to make the first move -- I'm thinking dances, rollerskating (or is it rollerblading now?) -- I'm showing my age now, back in the 80s everyone went to the roller rink and that's where I met some nice guys.

Psychologically, some people are just prone to social anxiety & also depression. If you go on for a few more months of unhappiness, I would not think it a bad idea to ask about medical treatment -- an antidepressant -- it worked for me a couple of times back in my early 30s when I was just despondent. Hope this helps.
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Thank you for replying, at least I've reached someone.

It really did help as it feels better in some strange way to know that I'm not alone out there and there are other people who have experienced and probably are experiencing the same sort of thing.
Things have not really gotten much better but I've adapted to this situation now and I've kind of learnt to cope with it.

But yeah thanks for replying and sharing your story! :-)
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Hi,

I would like to make a reply to your message. No one and I mean no one is worth taking your own life. There is someone else out there you just haven't found them yet.

I was in a relationship for 5 years and I got hurt too and became very depressed. On top of that I need surgery and have been in physical pain for about a year. I also had some deaths in the family that were hard to bear. I became very depressed. I am still very sad somedays but, with each day it gets better. Luckily, I have good friends and family that have helped me through this last year. When I was very depressed sometimes it didn't feel like they were any help. There were times I didn't answer my phone and I quit going out like I used too.

I decided to get counseling. I don't even think that helped as much as just time going by and realizing that it's alright to be on your own. Keep the faith and tell yourself that there is someone out there waiting to find you because your special. There is something special about everyone.
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I find that telling yourself what you are actually does help, it somehow reprograms you, you must stay positive and say things that you want to see in your self. For example : I am smart, intelegent .. and so on.

It works better if you write it down also, but you must refer to your self using "I". only thing you can change best is your self and not the people or the world around you. So accept world as it is, and try to look at the positive side of life.





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