This will more than likely sound weird to most people, but I have recently found it quite difficult to stay turned on in the bedroom. Firstly, I am male, seventeen and a virgin - whilst my girlfriend is also seventeen, has had some sexual encounters; though still a virgin. We have only been together four months but we figured it might be time to progress to the next level. From the beginning, I was never the kind of guy that was affectionate, and I wasn't very fond of the whole idea of sex or kising; though I figured this might be because I am pretty body conscious and I have severe anxiety.
Before, I couldn't get that turned on by her - but now it is pretty easy...except maintaining it isn't. I can get an erection just from kissing her but I struggle to keep it. She has a thing for dry humping, and don't get me wrong - I love it - though one moment I will be hard and the next...nothing. She even asked me where it was because there was nothing going on down there - but when she tries to feel down there - I panic, because I'm flacid and obviously it's a pretty big deal to offer somebody that part of you. I think we're ready to have sex now because judging by the way she is from dry humping, I can tell she'll like the real thing better. I just don't know how to resolve the whole dysfuntion thing...I mean this morning we thought nobody was in so we were at it for about an hour whilst she moaned quite a lot...only to find my sisters boyfriend never went to work - so this turned me off straight away and I began panicking that he may have heard it.
I want to make Valentines pretty memorable and since she's staying, I am pretty sure she is up for doing something that night (considering she's turned on 99.9% of the time) - but how can I make sure that I stay hard the whole way though it? I'm turned on one minute, the next I'm not - does anybody have any advice? When I am turned on, I know it's not to the full potential that I could be - you could say I don't exactly get 'rock hard'. She once caught my t-shirt with her knee and pulled it up to my chest - it turned me off because I hate my body so I instantly told her to stop, because I felt nothing anymore and my anxiety was sky high. We have not yet done proper oral...could that help? We just seem to kiss the whole way through and thats it - then she grinds on me while I feel her up a little. Could my anxiety have anything to do with this? I told her I don't want to have sex if it means me taking my shirt off either - that's how conscious I am (even though she said she does not care) - I just don't want her to see my body. She's yet to try please me - I'm always the one who does the feeling up on her but I never get anything in return...does my anxiety prevent this? Would this help?
Any advice?
Thank you,
J
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Hi JJ,
Your anxiety is causing the issues. Anxiety will kill an erection very fast.
Focus on HER needs, not yours. Just let your body go along for the ride so to speak. You'll be hard when the time comes. If not, just work on her, finger her, give her oral, do something FOR HER, not you.
After you've had sex a few times it shouldn't be an issue. The first time it's common for a guy to not be able to ejaculate. She'll understand that you're nervous.
Talk to her while having sex. Ask her what she likes/doesn't like. Tell her what you like. Don't assume! Sex is often "clumsy" the first few times. You'll get better at it.
Most of all, just relax. That will help you to keep an erection. Use protection, so you don't have to worry about pregnancy.
Good luck.
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Hi Dan,
Thanks for the help. It makes sense to me that anxiety could be the reason - but I do often try to keep my mind off myself and focus on her - but I still find it difficult. I know how bad I can get so I do try to keep my thoughts on her and listen to her noises and such - but I still seem to have an issue - then again it could be because it's my first time.
I start shaking...a lot too. I will be laid there enjoying it and I will be shaking so much that my whole body moves and I have to tell her to stop so I can contain myself and sort myself out. My legs start to shake, as does my hips and such - maybe this could be pressure of her sat on me? We speak about it after, and in the space of around 24 hours we have 'dry humped' about 6-7 times - all of which made her extremely wet. I always find myself trying to please her, though I often wonder if the fact she doesn't do anything to me (like grab me, give me oral) could be the cause of me loosing my ability to get hard - it's like kissing becomes boring after so long to me - and I don't like to think of it that way because I enjoy it..a LOT, I just wish there was something more to it that could 'spice' it up a bit as kissing can become tiring after a while..
JJ
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