I find it a lot harder to get turned on by a woman than it does to a man

I'm 17 (male) and in a stable relationship with my girlfriend of almost 5 months.

Recently I've had really bad doubts about myself, and I don't know what's going on. I was laying with her this morning as she was dealing with her 'time of the month' and I was trying my best to comfort her. But while I was doing so, I just couldn't help ask myself if this is what I want? I starting making out in my head that I am gay and that I am lying to myself, yet I have no intention of wanting to be with a man or settle down with one? I am happy with my girlfriend (given that we argue a lot, but I am happy). People have always thought of me as gay since a young age, and it used to mess with my head.

Being 100% honest, do find the male body quite attractive (torso and face) and if somebody of the same sex if good looking, I can always tell. Now, I doubt myself a lot in terms of how I look (weight and looks) and I am always comparing myself to them - but I compare myself to them so much that I end up getting confused with what I actually like. This girl is my first proper patner and everything is new to me, but before her I used to find myself masturbating to pictures of guys (in particular the muscle kind) because it was like I wanted to be that - but I have NEVER masturbated to the though of doing things with a man. Having done this for so long, I worried I would find it difficult to get erect around a female given that I always seemed to focus on the mens. I have watched gay porn a few times but I never really liked it as much as straight - I enjoy aggressiveness and I *think* that's what allowed me to masturbate to it. During watching it I would find certain things extremely disgusting or disturbing and I would turn it off - then I would be filled with guilt.

But I just don't know why I find guys so attractive? I see no sexual aspect to it - most just appreciation of the appearance. If I see a good looking guy I will go out of my way to have a glance at him EVEN when I'm with my girlfriend? What the **** is going on? I want nothing more to be married to a woman and conceive. I do get erect just from kissing her, laying with her or hugging her - it's not like I'm not turned on by her. I just see girls as a threat and I was always bullied by them, they never showed interest in me so it's like I started 'swinging the other way'. I was also raised by my mum and sisters which I somehow think contributed towards these feelings - considering they always talked about how good looking guys were and stuff.

I feel so f***ing stupid for typing this right now because I am so certain I am straight. It's odd because even if like guy friends say they find a guy good looking, I'm still like "Nah" even though I do. Could the fact that I can't even admit *normal* attraction lead to me thinking I am gay? At one point I felt like taking my life because I couldn't deal with being so confused by everything - I had no idea what to do. What if this is something I will go through for the rest of my life? Is this a phase? I'm also intimidated by guys when they have their shirts off too - I find myself looking at them just as much as I look at women...if not more. I am ALWAYS assessing them and seeing what they have that I don't and it makes me so f***ing confused....please help.

I find it a lot harder to get turned on by a woman than it does to a man - could this be because I was used to doing it as a kid? When I masturbate to my girlfriend or when we give oral it's so enjoyable and much more of a turn on than it is thinking about a guy.

Don't be ashamed of the way you feel, ever. It's your body, your mind, your thoughts and they're all perfectly normal no matter what anyone says. I (being friends with many gay, bi, and lesbian people) don't believe that you're gay. Especially if you're turned off by gay porn ( but Straight porn may just be your personal preference.). I happen to know men that are turned on by male bodies and I wouldn't consider them gay. Many females are aroused by anything. Male, female, whatever. Some men are also like this and simply don't have a sexual preference. Don't be afraid to be attracted to men or women ( or whatever else). Listen to your body and figure out what you really want. You may want to tell your girlfriend about these feelings, if you have that level of trust, if she tries to help you with them and explore them then you'd better keep her around, at least as a friend and a support. If not, ditch her ass! She doesn't deserve you! (This is coming from a straight female perspective who also happens to be in a committed relationship.)