I am seeking some advice on this. I hope someone can help. About five years ago, my wife had a complete hysterectomy through LAPH due to endometriosis. It included removal of the uterus, ovaries and cervix. Afterward she was in a lot of pain, which her doctor brushed off as normal. Since then that doctor left town and my wife had to see someone else. She complained about intense vaginal pain, especially during intercourse, and low back stiffness and soreness. The gynecologists don't seem to think there is anything wrong with that. My wife also has intense hot flashes, mood swings and emotional instability. Now, as she prepares to see a different gynecologist, she doesn't want to mention the pain any more - or her inability to have sex. I have been as understanding and patient with her as I possibly can and have honored her decision not to have sex. So far it has been impossible for me to convince her that there is something wrong and it needs to be fixed! Instead, she gets upset and insists I am now a pervert. She won't talk about it with me any more. Even the various gynecologists she has seen have been decidedly hostile toward me. Hormone replacement therapy has been a dismal failure. She won't consider counseling. I have been fighting for her right to live without pain and getting back to normal against her and the doctors wishes for five years. Since that operation her personality has changed completely. She is a different person. I think I am in love with who she used to be. Do I have any right to look out for her best interests? Do I have any right to want our relationship back? The warm, caring, passionate, loving person that my wife used to be is gone. She has been replaced by a monster. I don't even want to go to her next gynecologist visit. I can't take the emotional abuse from her or her doctor. Any suggestions on how to cope with this mess?
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3 years ago I had a total abdominal hysterectomy with a BSO. Ever since then I have had all the same exact problems. Recently I went to the doctor and come to find out, all of it was caused from a piece of my cervix being left in and one of my fallopian tubes that grew to the size of a baseball. I had to go through the surgery all over again. Tell her to go to the doctor. I am contemplating suing the doctor.
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I really feel for you, that has to be a horrible position. Yes she has a right to withhold sex when it hurts, but im not sure why she wouldn't continue to investigate to a point... although I can sympathize with the physical and emotional toll it would take to put yourself out there on a limb in front of doctor after doctor and not getting anywhere and feeling stupid. At some point it's just easier not to have sex... or she doesn't want to and it's easier to say she can't.
Kudos to you for sticking by her, lots of men wouldn't, I lost my sons father because I had trouble after he was born and had to have a couple of surgeries down plus therapy in order to have sex again which took months and months and he couldn't do it... for the sole purpose of needing sex.
I would totally hate the dr who wouldn't try to do something for the relationship instead of putting a wrench in the middle of it. Yes you do have a right to want to continue living in a loving and caring relationship. On the other hand, I have not reached menopause yet and do not have the faintest idea as to what it's really like. I can only account based on family and friends that have. This is a delicate situation that would require you to be the 'bigger person' because she can't. hormones are a powerful thing and everyone reacts differently to them. If you want to save your marriage, you will need to do some research, some serious thought, and consider going to counselling on your own... a therpist may be able to help you approach and deal with the situation with the most tact. This is not going to be easy or quick... but if you want to save your marriage, it will be worth it.
Buy a magazine and a "Gigi" to get yourself by if you need to. I know you want intimacy too, but it will have to wait. Get yourself into a councelor and find out what you can do, read some books on menopause... have a serious talk with her and put it all out there... in a way that is unoffensive and doesn't come across as an ultimatum. 'I love you, I want to be with you, I will stand by you through this... but in the end I want our loving caring relationship back and I'm willing to put in the time... tell me what you want, what I can do to help, etc. etc." Find out where she stands on your relationship, how she feels about her recovery from the hysterectomy, etc.
Just some ideas, but you'll need to be creative and understanding a lot longer.
Kudos to you for sticking by her, lots of men wouldn't, I lost my sons father because I had trouble after he was born and had to have a couple of surgeries down plus therapy in order to have sex again which took months and months and he couldn't do it... for the sole purpose of needing sex.
I would totally hate the dr who wouldn't try to do something for the relationship instead of putting a wrench in the middle of it. Yes you do have a right to want to continue living in a loving and caring relationship. On the other hand, I have not reached menopause yet and do not have the faintest idea as to what it's really like. I can only account based on family and friends that have. This is a delicate situation that would require you to be the 'bigger person' because she can't. hormones are a powerful thing and everyone reacts differently to them. If you want to save your marriage, you will need to do some research, some serious thought, and consider going to counselling on your own... a therpist may be able to help you approach and deal with the situation with the most tact. This is not going to be easy or quick... but if you want to save your marriage, it will be worth it.
Buy a magazine and a "Gigi" to get yourself by if you need to. I know you want intimacy too, but it will have to wait. Get yourself into a councelor and find out what you can do, read some books on menopause... have a serious talk with her and put it all out there... in a way that is unoffensive and doesn't come across as an ultimatum. 'I love you, I want to be with you, I will stand by you through this... but in the end I want our loving caring relationship back and I'm willing to put in the time... tell me what you want, what I can do to help, etc. etc." Find out where she stands on your relationship, how she feels about her recovery from the hysterectomy, etc.
Just some ideas, but you'll need to be creative and understanding a lot longer.
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