She says they will grow up and my response is that a child is a child forever. She disagrees and says that the older ones ARE NOT CHILDREN! (What do I call them then? She has said this around her older daughter and reduced her own daughter to tears!) I tell her that there is room enough in my heart for her and for the kids as well but she grows angry and says mean things to provoke a fight. She can be very sweet and loving when we are alone but if she gets a hint of me giving my attention to one of the kids, she suggests taht I have seen that child enough altely and that I am essentially "having a relationship" (whatever that means in her words) with them and not her.
I divorced my exwife and at my new wife's suggestion, I have completely stopped the "friends" thing with the ex. Some say you can be friends, some say you can't but in this relationship, I am smart enough to know that the new marriage would fail if I didn't completely limit my conversations with the ex to just a few minutes a week about the kids. Interestingly, I knew she was talking with her ex husband a lot and after I tried to compare this, she told me it was different because he had so many impoartant things going on in his life. Hmmmm. Anyway, I can make a lot of cahnges but I cannot live without the kids in my life and I am really hoping to find a way that she will tolerate them because they are a part of me. Anyone that has read "Stepmonster" knows that we cannot as a woman to love the step kids -- but she should be able to allow me time to spend with them. Instead she threatens to "go out" somewhere if I plan to spend a few hours with the boys or with my daughter.
I have already moved away from my friends and my kids to a town nearly 50 minutes away. I now commute almost 2 hours per day so that she will not live in my ex's area. I love this woman but I can't kep feeling pulled between her and the kids.
I f I put my foot down, and calmly announce that I am going to do something with one of the kids, a fight almost always ensues. How much do I sacrifice in terms of my old relationship with the kids to kep my new wife happy?
(By the way, her youngest daughter lives with us and I drive her to school and do homework with her regularly. We have a great relationship as do I with her college age daughter..... why won't she do the same for me?)
I thought it was because she was Russian at first. Now I have enough Russian friends to know that kids are just as important over there as they are in this country.
As a final comment, let me say that when she is alone with me, my new wife can be very loving and caring. The only true issue is mention of the kids.
All I want to say is a big good luck to you in your quest with your wife and hope that she realises that its her you love now and not your ex wife...you still probably need to be more loving towards her and keep telling her you love her to make her understand its where you feel you are now in life.
you have an over exagerated new wife.... i would say to tell her to chill.. besides they are YOUR kids... regardless the age u can be 90 and your kids/children 50 still your kids... she has kids of her ouwn so why doesnt she just accept your own???? my mother remarried when i was 16 older sister 18 and 4 other little sibblings ages 2-8 (6 in total) and he didnt hav any kids of his own... he does seem to get jelouse at times because of the fact that he has to ¨¨share¨¨ my mother with us, but not saying i only want your mothers time with me or anything.. besides they hav a child of their own my little sister who is now 4 yrs old. but everything is great me n my and my older sister moved out but he is not like your wife... its sounds more like she is beeing selfish and greedy. especcially if she doesnt want to live close to ur family and friends... good luck on that : )