so im 16 years old and ever since i was 13 years old i have had alot of mental health problems, present day im now diagnosed with boderline personality disorder, manic depression, boderline skitzophrenia, social anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, anger issues, bipolar disorder, and i have been diagnosed in the past with anorexia but now am struggling with buliemia disorder. i also have a large history of self harm.
i have gone thru multiple medication mixtures but in the past year and a half i have been on lithium 300 twice a day, seraqual 150 once at nite, and welbutrin 100 once in the morning.
i have been to cpep over multiple, multiple times...and my parents did not feel i got well enough tretment there so they then started taking me to the local childrens hospital, ive attempted sucide four times, NOTE: IM NOT SUICIDEL IN PRESENT TIME, ive been admitted to four different inpatient hospitals in which one hospital i was admitted three diferent occasions.
i have seen domestic violence, and also expierenced domestic violence first hand i feel that if im getting hitt then there must be a good reason rite? i have been sexually abused and also raped, i was raped in 2011 and even though its been proven the man is not going to come and get me , i still have issues with older men, i dont say "no" to a guy because i am affraid that w/e happens will hurt more if i say no, i will let a guy do what he wnts because i dont feel i have a reall rite to tell him no.
i have become alot more promiscuous, i dont sleep round no but its like the only thng i see in a guy anymore is sex, ive lost ALOT of self respect alomost all of it to be honest. in my mind any compliment or nice ness a guy shows me i just laugh and say they are lieing or they just want to get in my pants...and then its like i feed on a guys approval its like i need a guy to like me in order to feel even somewhat whole...ive had sex a total of nine (9) guys. and after each time i get a feeling of wantine to die....but not like actually wanting to die, just a feeling that kills me inside out.
i lost all care in the world for myself,.. and what can i do anymore ? i want to be happy, reall happy not that fake stuff that is only there for a minute...please anyone just help me.
look friend you are perfectly fine no need to worry about past becoz it will hurt ur present and make worst ur future right ???