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Losing control of yourself like this is asign of repressed anger so I wonder what your upbringing was like - were you abused in any way? The first thing you want to deal with is the rage, I think, because this may be th eone that gets you into trouble in some way. God forbid that should happen. One answer, a bit off the wall, perhaps, is to go on the weekend Adventure of the mankind project. You can find them by researching on the net easily enough. Why I suggest this is because the group environment offers a safe palce to learn what has caused your rage and what to do about it. (I know - I've been there.) You can read about men's experiences within the mankind project by searching in google for mankind project newsletter.
As to the more specific question of your masturbation, first, please don't be ashamed of any of this. There is no reason to feel bad about what gives you pleasure. But the fact that you have such a mix of anger and sexual feelings again makes me wonder if there is abuse in your history. I would suggest you try and turn masturbation into a sensual experience, by enjoying the feelings of your body and focusing on how you feel, not on external stimuli. This way you take charge of the experience and it becomes more pleasurable rather than a way to express rage - to learn more, search for sensual masturbation techniques on google.
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