We need to use our feelings as our inner guidance system. Our wounded feelings such as our anxiety, depression, fear, guilt, shame, anger, and so on - the feelings that we cause with our own thoughts and behavior - inform us that we are being unloving to ourselves, that we are abandoning ourselves in some way.
Our core painful feelings - the feelings that are caused by others and events - are also informing us. Our loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, helplessness over others, outrage, and fear of real and present danger offer us an enormous amount of information about what is happening externally.
When you feel lonely when you are alone, it is fairly obvious that these feelings are telling you that you want to connect with another and share love with another. But when you feel lonely when you are with another - and you are certain that your own heart is open - this feeling is telling you that the other person's heart is closed, and you cannot connect with him or her. This is very important information, and when you acknowledge it and embrace it with compassion and an intent to learn about what is loving to you, you will ask your higher Guidance about what is loving to you in the face of the other being closed. You can then take loving action in your own behalf.
The same is true when you feel heartache, heartbreak, or helplessness when in interaction with another. These are such difficult feelings to feel that the wounded self has learned to immediately step in to protect against them with your learned protective behavior. But doing this bypasses the information that your inner guidance is telling you - that the other person is being unloving to you or to themselves. When you are willing to acknowledge and embrace these feelings with compassion, and open to learning about what is loving to you and to them, then you can by bypass the anger, anxiety, caretaking, resistance, or withdrawal that you might usually do in the face of others' unloving behavior.
Likewise, your outrage is letting you know that an injustice is occurring and that you may need to take loving action in your own or others behalf. Your fear in the moment may be letting you know that a person or situation is dangerous and that you need to take the appropriate action to prevent harm to yourself or others.
I hope you can see that blocking out the core painful feelings by invalidating them with self-judgment, ignoring them by staying in your head, trying to control another, or turning to addictions to numb them out, also blocks the incredibly valuable information that they are giving to you. Blocking them out is like trying to drive blind. While we had to find ways to block them out as children to survive, as adults we need to learn to manage them with our caring, tenderness, gentleness and understanding toward ourselves, so that we can receive all the invaluable information they have for us.
In addition, blocking out your core pain also blocks out the wonderful core feelings - the joy, love, aliveness, and passion for life that makes life worth living. You cannot block out the painful core feelings without also blocking out the wonderful core feelings - as they are in the same box. This is why many people say that they never experience true joy.
Our core positive feelings also have information for us. They are telling us that we are taking loving care of ourselves and being loving with others. These incredible feelings are the result of living with an open heart, open to learning and taking loving action in our own behalf and in behalf of others.