So, like a number of other people posting on here, I have difficulty maintaining an erection. I'm only 24, and I find that I get erect when my girlfriend and I first start to fool around, particularly the thrill of undressing each other, but I soften in the course of foreplay.
We both definitely think the problem is psychological; physically I can clearly have an erection since we have been able to do it, plus I get regular morning wood.
I know that other guys have this same problem, so I'm not entirely worried, but my question is: how exactly do learn more about "psychological issues?" I'm pretty sure that a major part of the problem is that I come from a super-religious upbringing and believed in abstinence for a long time, and have only gotten away from this within the past year. I'm sure it also has to do with boosting confidence. But again, I'm not sure what things to try.
For any suggestions, you can email me directly: ***Edited by Moderator***
personal email addresses not allowed
Private Messages are ok.
We both definitely think the problem is psychological; physically I can clearly have an erection since we have been able to do it, plus I get regular morning wood.
I know that other guys have this same problem, so I'm not entirely worried, but my question is: how exactly do learn more about "psychological issues?" I'm pretty sure that a major part of the problem is that I come from a super-religious upbringing and believed in abstinence for a long time, and have only gotten away from this within the past year. I'm sure it also has to do with boosting confidence. But again, I'm not sure what things to try.
For any suggestions, you can email me directly: ***Edited by Moderator***
personal email addresses not allowed
Private Messages are ok.
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First, you are correct, that if you are experiencing "morning wood", you are capable of having erections firm enough for intercourse.
The second point is one that you volunteered. As a long time believer in abstinence with a super-religious background, you are probably not entirely comfortable with some of the behaviors that you have been trying out or practicing. While that doesn't necessarily spell failure, it certainly contributes to your confidence level.
The difficulty comes when you first notice that you may be a little soft, and then noticing that, distracts you more, and the focus on your performance or state of arousal distracts you from your goal.. which is sex, right? Intercourse? Or at least a climax and orgasm?
You need to break this cycle.
Remember that all men go soft at some point. Some, after climax, some upon foreplay, some after insertion, some after a few minutes of thrusting... it varies.
So what if you go a little soft after some foreplay? You can get this back again. The point is not to worry about it, but continue doing what feels good to you and your partner.
As far as probing "psychological issues", I wouldn't dwell upon that. It's a bit like looking in a mirror and turning around real quickly, trying to catch a glimpse of the back of your head! It doesn't work and you're just fooling yourself thinking that you can.
If you want to pursue your issues with a trained therapist or counselor, that's one route. But the fact that you have an attentive, concerned partner who is supportive and patient tells me that all you really need is more time and experience, to build your confidence. I define that as the knowledge that you can satisfy yourself and give your partner pleasure in the process. Once you're more comfortable with what you're doing with your partner, the confidence comes naturally.
I'm not sure what else I'd suggest, but that's a starting point for you.
Perhaps others will have additional ideas or a different take on this for you.
The second point is one that you volunteered. As a long time believer in abstinence with a super-religious background, you are probably not entirely comfortable with some of the behaviors that you have been trying out or practicing. While that doesn't necessarily spell failure, it certainly contributes to your confidence level.
The difficulty comes when you first notice that you may be a little soft, and then noticing that, distracts you more, and the focus on your performance or state of arousal distracts you from your goal.. which is sex, right? Intercourse? Or at least a climax and orgasm?
You need to break this cycle.
Remember that all men go soft at some point. Some, after climax, some upon foreplay, some after insertion, some after a few minutes of thrusting... it varies.
So what if you go a little soft after some foreplay? You can get this back again. The point is not to worry about it, but continue doing what feels good to you and your partner.
As far as probing "psychological issues", I wouldn't dwell upon that. It's a bit like looking in a mirror and turning around real quickly, trying to catch a glimpse of the back of your head! It doesn't work and you're just fooling yourself thinking that you can.
If you want to pursue your issues with a trained therapist or counselor, that's one route. But the fact that you have an attentive, concerned partner who is supportive and patient tells me that all you really need is more time and experience, to build your confidence. I define that as the knowledge that you can satisfy yourself and give your partner pleasure in the process. Once you're more comfortable with what you're doing with your partner, the confidence comes naturally.
I'm not sure what else I'd suggest, but that's a starting point for you.
Perhaps others will have additional ideas or a different take on this for you.
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