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27 years ago this May, i had a beautiful 6 lb. baby girl.
Today i have tormented, angry young women who is so strung out ALL the time that she can't function in society.
She started with pot, typical of a teenager i would think (not all teens, no angry posts please). She quickly discovered cocaine which led her to pills such as oxycontin, hydracodone, perks, name it.
Today she shoots heroin. There is not one spot on her small frame that has not seen a needle. At one point, she was afraid to get her immunizations, those days are gone.
She has been arrested for shop lifting. She helped herself to my wedding rings, which i keep in my dresser. She took my ATM card. She actually took some of her sons Christmas gifts and sold them for cash. She has performed sexual favors for drugs and or money. She has worked in a strip bar. She is driving with no license.
She has just recently had her son taken from her, legally. She has been in detox twice, couldn't swing rehab out patient at all.
Got mixed up with a Pharmacist, who eventually lost his rights to practice due to stealing narcotics from dead people in the hospital. Had a beautiful home in Forida, a nice boat, 2 new cars, 2 jet skies, a membership to one of the swankiest yacht clubs in Miami, knew everybody who was somebody there. I went for vacation to see her 4 times in one year. It was beautiful. She actually introduced me to Sylvestor Stallone, The Rock,
Gene Simmons, and Guy Richie who is Madonnas husband. She was living in a fairy tale. Everything was perfect. The alcohol flowed like water, and so did the drugs. She did not get all this beautiful stuff by earning a paycheck, as she was a bartender on the beach, and she only did that for something to do and it was a great way to meet people. ALL KINDS of people.
One day she was coming home from a day at the beach and she ran into a women with her jeep. She kept going. Someone got her plate number and they arrested her. But before they got her to jail she kicked the window out of the police car. They hog tied her and threw her in the back of the car. She wore an orange jump suit for 10 days. She finally bailed out. She not only bailed out of jail, she bailed out of Florida, never going to her court date. Now there is a warrant out for her down there. Everything she had she lost, her and her big shot pharmacist lost every single thing they had. He now lives at home with his sister, still a mess, and she has no home. Everything she owns is in a backpack which she carries every where she goes.
I am a mess. Every day is a struggle. I hardly talk to her and when i do she sounds like she just rolled out of bed. The last time she got arrested at home, she was mandated to drug court. She went once. That was a month ago. The cops have been looking for her. She was at a hotel with this creep boyfriend of hers when the cops showed up, just 2 days ago. He kept the cops busy while she took off out the back door. The last i heard was that she was going to turn herself in, but before she did this she had to get her script for Suboxone filled. If she is under a doctors care and has a legal script, the jail has to give this to her as needed. She had to fill this other wise she would be in some serious pain in jail.
I read some of the posts that come thru this site and i am amazed and saddened at the same time. I just want to shake all these people and tell them my story. This family is going thru hell with this. I take 2 cell phones and the house phone to bed with me at nite for fear that i will miss a call. If i hear noise outside after a certain hour, i think it's the police bringing me bad news. I can't take any more of this. I look like c**p, i feel like c**p and i am completly at the end. I looked at my reflection in the mirror the other day and i just started to cry. For my age i have always been told that i am holding together well. Not any more. I can't remeber certain things anymore, i forget what i am supposed to do. I have no personality. My husband is really getting irritated as we have not had relations in months. We have a 19 years old still at home and we couldn't ask for a better child. She sees the pain and torment and promiises me that i would never have to worry about her.
Right now, J should be in jail. I called the jail to see if she had turned herself in yet. They told me to call back later. Cops don't care. They look upon these people as crud under their shoes, These people belong to some one. They are someones, child, mother, father and brother. It is so sad that they are shoved under the rug. The last time J was arrested i had called the jail to tell them that she had an addiction and to ask them if they give anything to ease the pain. I was told that it wasn't their responsibility and the only thing they give her is a bucket. Wonderful isn't it?
I don't know what will happen. I can't fix her boo boo anymore. Mom can't make this one go away. My heart is broken and so is my spirit. I just pray for the day when my girl will be whole again. If that day ever comes. I refuse to bury her, we are supposed to go first, aren't we?
So any one of you people out there who have a problem like this, please try to get some help for yourself. If you all only knew what you are doing to your family, especially the person who gave birth to you. Not to mention that you are slowly sealing your fate. God bless you all.


Dear bbfeet9,

Hi! I can't believe your story, it sounds like a movie's story. I'm very sorry you are having to deal with such a hard situation that is ruining your family's life.

I can feel your pain. My mother has been diagnosed with severe depression and was suicidal and this too has tore our family apart. I mean, we are still together but my mother doesn't communicate with any people apart from us, they (my parents) don't have any friends over any more, she keeps finding excuses not to leave the house, etc

Luckily, her psychotic behaviours (suicidal thoughts and acts) are stable now, so at least we don't have to worry about that, but there were times when I would wake up at night just to hear if she's breathing and what she's doing if she is up.

I honestly hope you daughter will find the courage, will or whatever it takes to get off the drugs and that you will have your piece of mind once again.

Good luck