I don't even know where to begin. I'm a total mess because the one thing I want is to have good sexual experiences with a woman but I can't because of all my issues. I have performance anxiety, ED that I can't say for sure whether it's physical or mental,
addiction to internet porn and masturbation for well over a decade (working on that), I think I may actually over-masturbate which I have read can cause some problems. I think I have lower sex drive than I should for a guy my age since I know there are guys in their 40's with higher drive than me. When I'm at home alone I'll get hard and aroused thinking about women but when I'm actually with a woman I have a hard time getting it up and if I do I seem to lose it easily, even if I'm insanely physically attracted to the woman. But like I said if I'm home alone and start thinking about the exact woman I was with I'll get aroused easily. I am in my early 30's, not overweight now but I used to be obese, and I do exercise a lot through brisk walking an hour or more at a time. I was a virgin until my mid-twenties and do not have a lot of experience with women.
Can anyone help or give advice or point me in the right direction....I think I need a sex therapist but I cannot afford one right now since I doubt they're cheap. It is so frustrating not to be able to enjoy being with a woman even though it is the one thing you want.
addiction to internet porn and masturbation for well over a decade (working on that), I think I may actually over-masturbate which I have read can cause some problems. I think I have lower sex drive than I should for a guy my age since I know there are guys in their 40's with higher drive than me. When I'm at home alone I'll get hard and aroused thinking about women but when I'm actually with a woman I have a hard time getting it up and if I do I seem to lose it easily, even if I'm insanely physically attracted to the woman. But like I said if I'm home alone and start thinking about the exact woman I was with I'll get aroused easily. I am in my early 30's, not overweight now but I used to be obese, and I do exercise a lot through brisk walking an hour or more at a time. I was a virgin until my mid-twenties and do not have a lot of experience with women.
Can anyone help or give advice or point me in the right direction....I think I need a sex therapist but I cannot afford one right now since I doubt they're cheap. It is so frustrating not to be able to enjoy being with a woman even though it is the one thing you want.
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The mess is not as "total" as you think. Slow your life down a bit and feel what is in your heart. I'm sorry for what you are going through. Anything related to sex and personal issues can be painful. You do have a sex drive, by the way, or you would not be masturbating all the time. If you want some advice try this:
Most importantly do not psychoanalyze yourself: You are not a psychologist and most psychologists get it wrong. I have a MSEd School Counseling and years of experience counseling people with mental health issues. I can tell you from experience that most psychologists are way off-base and unsure of the answers themselves--so don't go becoming one for yourself when you don't even have the degree.
Sex is not bad: Make sure to be loving towards yourself-don't beat yourself up about the situation or judge yourself. There is nothing wrong with you and you are doing nothing wrong.
Slow down: Slow down everything you do. Slow down your thoughts, relax a little, don't be in a rush to "finish" when you are masturbating, and become alert and aware. The masturbation can easily become addictive. If you are going to do it--turn it in a way to understand yourself. When you do it, be aware and alert and in your heart--focus on your heart. You are not in touch with your real feelings and when you masturbate and focus on your heart, you will feel for the first time what is really going on here. What it is that you are really after and you really need deep down.
Connect with your heart: this will clear up the confusion. Find a good heart meditation that will take you to your heart.
Avoid making this a problem: drop seeing this as a "problem". Perceiving it as "problematic" will actually prevent you from moving through it and beyond it. Avoid, at all cost, using it as a problem that you have to "figure out". This could go on for the rest of your life. Instead, focus on being more loving towards yourself in every way possible. Also, try opening your heart to others and being gentle, kind, and loving towards them. You will see a difference.
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