Boy, I gotta tell y'all this guy has got me baffled! I never in my life have ever dealt with such manipulative, and sexual addictive behavior. I have spoken to him about it, I have fought with him about it, I have come home drunk because I just couldn't handle it anymore...I have spoken to close friends about it, and have suggested counseling.
Honestly, I have to say that it is more common than I initially thought. There are quite a few men, and women addicted to porn, sextexts, and sex emailing.
I just moved in with him about 6 months ago, and at that time found nasty emails from other women. They were recent therefore I thought he might be cheating...we discussed it. I emailed the women, and there was never any physical contact. They were online dating sites. I have discovered he was just using them to get off...he had no intention of meeting up with them. Same goes with the texts I've found. He just wanted sex talk to get off. Online Porn, same deal but he was doing that while I was here. He actually took his computer into the bathroom while I watched him take it in there. I confronted him with that, and told him it was a little inconsiderate, since he lied about it. I told him he didn't have to hide. He has a lying problem too. Very non-confrontational. Don't get me wrong, I have my own head trips going on...everyone does. It's just that this is taking it's toll on our relationship, and causes stress for me. He doesn't seem to care. The texts have slowed down or stopped, and the emails but I think thats just because I've been checking and he knows it. The Porn is slowing down, but our sex life is still slow moving because he is masterbating instead. He was in the military for about 20 yrs and I wonder if this is leftover behavior from being deployed alot and lonely, but I don't want to make excuses for him. I know I need to talk to him more about it, but he gets really mad at me, and scares me a bit. I think this relationship may end, because its actually more trouble than its worth. Who knows how long it would take to fix, and God knows I can't fix him...I can only fix me.
Honestly, I have to say that it is more common than I initially thought. There are quite a few men, and women addicted to porn, sextexts, and sex emailing.
I just moved in with him about 6 months ago, and at that time found nasty emails from other women. They were recent therefore I thought he might be cheating...we discussed it. I emailed the women, and there was never any physical contact. They were online dating sites. I have discovered he was just using them to get off...he had no intention of meeting up with them. Same goes with the texts I've found. He just wanted sex talk to get off. Online Porn, same deal but he was doing that while I was here. He actually took his computer into the bathroom while I watched him take it in there. I confronted him with that, and told him it was a little inconsiderate, since he lied about it. I told him he didn't have to hide. He has a lying problem too. Very non-confrontational. Don't get me wrong, I have my own head trips going on...everyone does. It's just that this is taking it's toll on our relationship, and causes stress for me. He doesn't seem to care. The texts have slowed down or stopped, and the emails but I think thats just because I've been checking and he knows it. The Porn is slowing down, but our sex life is still slow moving because he is masterbating instead. He was in the military for about 20 yrs and I wonder if this is leftover behavior from being deployed alot and lonely, but I don't want to make excuses for him. I know I need to talk to him more about it, but he gets really mad at me, and scares me a bit. I think this relationship may end, because its actually more trouble than its worth. Who knows how long it would take to fix, and God knows I can't fix him...I can only fix me.
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You said it honey! It's NOT YOU with the problem it is he! What is happening with society over the last couple of years is a TOTAL disconnect with feelings and dealing with emotions! As my husband and my 2 boys can attest too - well actually it is I who has to deal with it - when they get off of Shooting games and extreme violence, they come upstairs eyes WILD and TOTALLY aggressive, red, heart rate up, sweating etc. When my youngest was in hospital - they gave him video games to get his mind off of the pain! They would run in about 2 or 3 times an hour, to turn off the blood pressure machine alarm - that had gone off because he was FREAKING out!
So porn, sexting etc, is the EXACT same thing! It is taking away the PERSONAL out of the act of sex! It is ALL ON STIMULATION! As the brain is the biggest sex organ! So it is getting visually, stimulated with a CONSTANT barrage of images and words! Where as in real life it would be at a regular slow pace! And I TRULY believe that Sexting IS CHEATING! You are being TOTALLY INTIMATE with another person! So to me there is VERY little difference between him masturbating while reading or watching, and actually having the act of sex! His being OVER SEXED is affecting YOU! He is so HIGH off of this, it's irrelevant IF you are upset! "Who cares!!!?" He still gets what he wants, he doesn't have to make 1 iotta of effort because GONE are the old days of "RU kidding me?! There is NO way we are having sex after what you did!" You can scream and shout and cry, but all he needs to do is wait till you leave the room and then go for it! NO WORK needed to help you or the relationship!
I truly think you are DONE! And since he doesn't think he has a problem, then that's his reply to your relationship! He might have lessened it, BUT he resents you for it! And he WILL be finding other ways of getting this! It is HIGHLY addicting - as it's ALL about the pleasure zones of the brain! So just like dope, alcohol it makes him feel good and he does NOT want to stop! Because to him "This is natural! and I'm not getting high or drunk" Well buddy it is NOT natural to be STIMULATED 24/7!
So take care of yourself and move on hon! IF he realizes that finally you ARE serious he might want to change, BUT cross that bridge when you get to it! Good luck and health! And do what's right for YOU!
So porn, sexting etc, is the EXACT same thing! It is taking away the PERSONAL out of the act of sex! It is ALL ON STIMULATION! As the brain is the biggest sex organ! So it is getting visually, stimulated with a CONSTANT barrage of images and words! Where as in real life it would be at a regular slow pace! And I TRULY believe that Sexting IS CHEATING! You are being TOTALLY INTIMATE with another person! So to me there is VERY little difference between him masturbating while reading or watching, and actually having the act of sex! His being OVER SEXED is affecting YOU! He is so HIGH off of this, it's irrelevant IF you are upset! "Who cares!!!?" He still gets what he wants, he doesn't have to make 1 iotta of effort because GONE are the old days of "RU kidding me?! There is NO way we are having sex after what you did!" You can scream and shout and cry, but all he needs to do is wait till you leave the room and then go for it! NO WORK needed to help you or the relationship!
I truly think you are DONE! And since he doesn't think he has a problem, then that's his reply to your relationship! He might have lessened it, BUT he resents you for it! And he WILL be finding other ways of getting this! It is HIGHLY addicting - as it's ALL about the pleasure zones of the brain! So just like dope, alcohol it makes him feel good and he does NOT want to stop! Because to him "This is natural! and I'm not getting high or drunk" Well buddy it is NOT natural to be STIMULATED 24/7!
So take care of yourself and move on hon! IF he realizes that finally you ARE serious he might want to change, BUT cross that bridge when you get to it! Good luck and health! And do what's right for YOU!
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