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I dont know what to do with myself anymore. It all started When I met this boy I went to school with at 13 we talked all the time and got along great I loved him so much, He did drugs though . And he kept wanting me to have sex with him, I said I would but we never did. He ended up "breaking up with me" (if that's what you called it at age thirteen) He said we found a new girlfriend and all he was no good back then. he didn't care about anything. He new girlfriend happened to be someone i was friends with she also hung out with us as kids. i never forgot about him or got over him well after two years of not talking i found him on myspace and decided to write him, i heard he was having a baby with kellie my exfriend. I just wanted to be what he wanted. So i told him I wasnt a virgin anymore because i knew he liked having sex so I wanted him to think that i was doing what he liked. and it went on from there. after a few months we starting talking alot on facebook, I wasnt in the same state as him I was in Alabama and he was still in Ohio but we got along really good I could tell he changed somewhat, from having a baby, He told me he loved me. And I started taking pills, Vicodin and Percesets. Cause i knew he did, he encouraged the drugs.it had gotten out of hand I got addicted to the narcotics and i started taking them alot and i started drinking alot. and i stopped telling him when i did it. he would find out and i would get in trouble. but he still does drugs and drinks alchol and parties every night we were talking and saying I love yous and all that as he was still in a relationship with his girlfriend. i seen pictures of them together. he said he only stayed for as long as he did for the baby maybe hes right. I let it go i was blindsighted. we made our relationship official and its been official for about two more years now. I am in Texas  I dont get to see him only visited a couple times. and he doesnt trust me anymore. he broke up with me about a week ago cause he says i just dont tell him everything, i lie to him he says. because i told him i wasnt a virgin a long time ago but i really am.  Hes insecure and selfish over me I cant do anything without him getting mad if i dont tell him every single detail. he doesnt trust me. So we broke up I never thought this would happen. We talked about everything we got along so good we talked about marriage and babies I love him, for all that we been through knowing him practically my whole life. I cant erase these memories and feelings... I am 17 years old I will be 18 in march and planned on going back to ohio. I was in fostercare at age 6 and i am now adopted by the same people i been with since six. I love them and the whole family. they took me in But i dont know my real family and I never will. My adopted parents hired people to try and find her but she could not be found. People think she is either dead or fled the country I will never know and I started a fire and burned my house down as a child and killed my grandpa. These things have haunted me ever since. i was in therapy as a kid and they said i was doing well so they discontinued it but now as im only months from being a legal adult they have been haunting me not knowing anything, and i took that out with drugs and alcohol. And my boyfriend supported me but then grew tired of it saying its the same old. After losing him I realized i need to find myself and know who i am even if i dont have my blood family. I have grown to accept it and feel like a changed person in that matter, But I dont think we can be together. I have no one to turn to. I cant trust anybody. Im just looking for some advice and some help. someone to just talk to this is my only hope

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Hello Chloe, You have a lot of heavy burdens for such a young woman! The best advice i can give is for you to find a therapist who can work on helping heal the wounds you have suffered emotionally. Even drug abuse is a self inflicted wound ,yes it helps dull the pain for a while,but it won't heal your young heart. Also beware of anyone who only accepts you if you use drugs or have sex with them. I bet you have a lot of positive traits (like love and loyalty),that could be brought out by finding a Kinder, smarter and drug free friend. Your county offices may have community centers with free counseling or try groups for friends and families of drug and alcohol useres like al-anon. You will be surprised by the kinship found there. I am sad to hear of such sadness, never give up fining happiness, some of the most successful people were way down at one time or another. Forgive yourself and hang in there,you are not alone.:-|

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Hi Chloe, Wow, your story is really a lot to grasp. I can only imagine how you feel. Life is rarely smooth sailing for someone. We all have our burdens, and someone said that we get as much trouble in life as we can handle it. From my perspective, your ex was trouble. You are better off without him and you will realize that in time. I understand you can't trust no one. So talk to us here, we are all anonymous here. What are your plans now?

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My plans are probably just to finish school and focus on doing things I love. But I still find myself talking to him. but we just argue and it dont go anywhere
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I know this sounds hard but you are better off without him. He sounds controlling, selfish and manipulative. Can you talk to your adoptive parents about the things you talked about here? You need therapy to help you find yourself and learn to have respectful relationships. It's tough but things can get better.
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No, they don't understand. There relationship with each other isnt good either. im not emotionally close with my parents. I just feel that nobody understands me and When I think I can trust a friend I just find out they go and tell other people and twist my words. So I don't really have anybody to turn to, My ex boyfriend was my bestfriend and now I dont even have him. Hes kind of a hypocrite. Telling me not to do all of these things but yet he does them everyday. And he has a daughter with somebody else and still parties. He says his daughter is his top priority but the partying is. I know he loves his daughter and he has grown up alot but he thinks hes so much better and that I need to fix Myself but really he needs to fix his self. We are better off not talking. I need to live my own life and do what I want. And Im not trying to look for another relationship for a few years I just wanna live my life. Im going to be 18 in five months... Yikes :)
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Try to find a church that has people you age. There are a lot of fellowship as well as drug counselling groups. I'm damaged goods & I go this some good ppl. Keep the FAITH!
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