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My husband and i are often fighting on little ridiculous things. The last time we fought was just because of his birthday cake!! I took him to a weekend at the hotel for his birthday but when we back home he had two cakes to cut as my family bought him one more. He forgot the one i brought him then the nxt day when i asked him about it he was angry like never. And has been not talking to me since more than 1week now. Actually he has been throu' a bad childhood, he didnt receive his dad luv as the latter left for another woman and he has constantly been suffering about this family disorder. Sometimes he doesn't have any feeling for me at all, not even pity. He is very hard(emotionally), he doesn't express his feelings nor his problems. What sould i do? I feel like our relationship will not last 4long if it continues to be like this, i wish to have a baby soon but i fear his behaviour.. Please help me out :'(  

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If something as simple as a birthday cake triggers your husbands anger, there is some deep seated issues going on with him. I would always suggest counseling, but he has to agree to go thru with it, i'm guessing he won't. I am not trying to play the "bad childhood" card here as i had a shitty childhood myself, but there are a million different ways to leave those memories behind and move forward.

The first thing you need to do is to have a serious and loving conversation with him. Complaining and attacking him will only make it worse. You may have to tread lightly as his emotions are right at the surface and could become explosive. Make him understand that you understand, even if you fully don't. Be kind and gentle with the way you approach this, what sounds simple to you is very troublesome to him and you must treat him with kindness and understanding. Try this, as this is the first step to helping your husband cope with his past.

This may work if you tell him that he hurts your feelings and that you just want a loving and healthy marraige. Make sure you let him know that you know that he hurts too and that together, you can work thru anythng. This may work, but if it doesn't you then have to toughen up and tell him that enough is enough. Having a baby at this point in your marraige is probably not a good idea, make sure to tell him that also. Children can either make or break a marraige.

Try the understanding part first, then give him some time. If he has a fit and wants to ignore you, let him. Ask him what he wants, he has to want something. It sucks to walk thru a marraige as if you were walking on egg shells, it's so uncomfortable and it's not fair either. Suggest some counseling as it deff won't hurt.

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Hello you there, thanks for the advices, yes i think i should give him sometime more before thinking about baby. Infact i have succeeded talk to him and make him understand that i can't stand the way he is behaving anymore and i suggest why not go to a couple psychologist and he agreed as he believe that im also at fault because sometime i also get sad or angry for a little reason as i too has had a bad childhood and really miss my dad as he left me since i was only 1yr old baby. As i have understood so far that he too wants to live a healthy marriage with me but the prob here is that maybe he just can't open his heart to me which is the contrary for me as i share almost all my pains and trouble with him. He wants us both to go for counseling at a psy, i think it will be better that way and he will be able to speak freely about all his troubles and past to the psy and this will surely help us in many ways. Because believe me its so painful to live as a stranger to the one you love and to the one who is closest to you. And i want to help him to be someone strong and caring. I thank you so much! Regards and take care
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Hi Roubina,

I just came across your reply from a week ago. I am so glad that i could help you, even if it was just a start. Couples counseling is a wonderful idea and i am happy to hear that he is willing to go. Good luck with new mission and i hope that you get the loving and happy husband that you deserve. You sre so welcome. Take care of yourself and your man. Come back soon and let me know how it's going, i will keep my fingers crossed and say a little prayer for you. BBfeet9
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