I need advice. This is a complicated and uncomfortable topic so I apologize in advance, but the basic problem is I'm a big big fan of girls...always have been...and I desperately want to explore and fool around with girls, hell, even have a relationship with a girl, but I was involved in a motorcycle accident 12 years ago (I'm 28 now) and have since been disabled and confined to wheelchair so girls just hang around me out of charity or because I make them feel safe or whatever. Before the accident I always attracted really really good-looking girls so I always assumed I was attractive, and girls still tell me I'm attractive, witty, funny, a good listener. I take care of myself, am completely independent, have a great job, live in an apartment by the ocean in SoCal. I try to make the best of things but it seems like despite all that I've done to make myself a viable candidate for a relationship the wheelchair trumps everything...girls don't consider me worthy to fool around and especially not relationship-worthy. I can't say I blame them. While I can still get an erection and even reach orgasm things aren't the same and it takes some work which I'm super uncomfortable and insecure about and I can't imagine a girl would be comfortable with either. I'm afraid she would feel unattractive when/if things don't work all the time. Why would a girl want to *start* a relationship with a guy who doesn't have much going on in the bedroom. It's frustrating because I would F'ing flip out to just have the opportunity go down on a girl and just fool around. I can have sex but I don't have a lot of feeling down there so it would just be visual for me so I can't really enjoy it physically as much as me eating her out and playing with her p***y(omg that would be a total turn on!!!). But it's just weird and awkward, you know. I never talked about it with anyone because it seems like one of those problems where there is no solution. People would just say "Welp, sucks to be you" and move on. I'm not depressed. I just have these desires and I want a girl that I can love and give attention to. I feel ridiculously inadequate and I want a girl to accept me and tell me I'm adequate. But then I look at the reality of the situation and see an enormous amount of problems and don't want to put someone I care about through all that. I can't be the type of lover I want and I can't even tell you how hard that is to deal with.
I did date a girl in college and I would always get her off with rubbing her down there while her panties were on but that was as far as she was comfortable going (she was super religious). But ever since then I'm hesitant to get involved with a girl out of fear of the weirdness of how things work now (I have a catheter and am self-conscious about it) and out of fear I might make her sick (I try to be clean, but I'm still paranoid I'll cause her discomfort).
I guess what I need advice on is whether girls would get involved with a guy in a wheelchair. And what kind of things can I do to minimize her being uncomfortable or things that wouldn't make it so bad. Of course there would be things we couldn't do together (walks on the beach, dancing, etc). I'm mainly concerned about the sexual part of relationships. Scares me like none other (out of concern for her). Is it possible for a girl to tolerate what I would image to be boring penetration sex (pretty much always girl on top) but still be satisfied with fun flirty foreplay, toys, oral, just experimenting, etc? I just feel so unattractive when compared to other guys so I just don't see how I can compete. So I don't even feel like a man anymore.
I'm to a point now where I'm looking at the price of h****rs. But I don't want to do that. I need that emotional bonding with a girl I care about. Hell I'd even kill for a cuddle session with a cute girl at this point. Ugh...now I'm just ranting about my loneliness. Any advice girls? And seriously, constructive criticism is just as good as any compliment you might give. I'm pretty laid back and won't bite.
Loading...
True that some girls may only be by you because of pity and they feel safe but at the same time you need to be more confident and on how you talk about yourself you are a regular man no matter how anyone looks at you so what if you are physically handicapped you still have the same urges and will probably love the special women that will come up in your life more than most men and if you can find that special someone she will completely accept and love you for what you are.
Loading...
I agree with @Aceman900. Also, I think that someone who is disabled should be able to do normal things;even if it takes more 'effort' do have a sexual relationship. People often look at disabled persons and think they are not good for much, which is not true at all! I would suggest for u to get out in public-with friends,alone,etc. and try to meet a girl who loves u for u anad will be able to handle ur disabilities and work through them-that's wht lovers do no matter the cost. another thing is to maybe talk to a clos friend about the problems u are goiing through and see if he/she can give u advice (if u feel comfortable tht is). Well, I hope u find the girl who will love u and ur disabilities :) (Not trying to offend u cuz u have a disability----NO ONE IS PERFECT!)
Loading...
"I guess what I need advice on is whether girls would get involved with a guy in a wheelchair. And what kind of things can I do to minimize her being uncomfortable or things that wouldn't make it so bad."
Yes women get involved with guys in wheelchairs. I use to be in a relationship with a guy with a SCI and met lots of other women who were also through support groups. I never expected to fall for the guy I did he was a guy I would chat online with & after a while we got together in person and that was it for me. I broke up with the AB guy I was seeing & was living with him within a few months. The wheelchair was the last thing I was thinking about at that time.
As far as trying to make sure she is not uncomfortable, you being able to be relaxed is going to be the biggest factor there I think. Let her know some of the things going on with you. You do not have to go into great detail but give her a general idea about your cath & things. The stuff you don't want to happen will happen at some point during sex, you just have to deal with & laugh. Sex is suppose to be something you enjoy so try to not over think it. If things don't work like you hoped just don't give up on it, if she cares about you she will keep helping you learn what works for you.
Loading...