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I was wondering how far can jealousy in relationship take us? I am fairly jealous, mostly to the other sex that has any contact with my girlfriend. I understand that she needs male friends as much as I do females but I still don’t feel too comfortable.
I even caught myself going through her things and her phone to check for any specific messages. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help it!

I wanted to know what do you do to check on your loved ones? Do you do it because you have been burnt by this or another person or just because the green monster has taken you over? How far with checking (spying) would you go?

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hey yea.. i have the same problem im tired of seeing my boyfriend talking to other girls some are my friends but he has more girl friends then guys and i get sad and bit! you should trust her a little bit but inside just keep and eye.. i do but sometimes i like to go away from him and do something on my own till he sees whats wrong be open with her and maybe it will work out!
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i think that jealously in a relationship is not called for at all in most cases... it really depends on the person and the realtionship if she has done somthing in the past to really make u lose all trust in her i can understand why u would go through her things but if she hasnt done anything to make u lose that trust i think u should stop asap because jealousy is a good way to end a good relationship....but do u also think that if u dont trust her its really because u wouldnt trust ur self in situations that u see her going through...but i think over all u should talk to her because communication is key to a healthy relationship
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shellie0405 wrote:
i think that jealously in a relationship is not called for at all in most cases... it really depends on the person and the realtionship if she has done somthing in the past to really make u lose all trust in her i can understand why u would go through her things but if she hasnt done anything to make u lose that trust i think u should stop asap because jealousy is a good way to end a good relationship....but do u also think that if u dont trust her its really because u wouldnt trust ur self in situations that u see her going through...but i think over all u should talk to her because communication is key to a healthy relationship




yeah i think what this girls says might be true because in my psycholog class we studied about the defense mechanisms. now, whether they work or not is controversial. but according to one of them, if you check out hot girls, you might feel that this is not right, so ur mind finds a way to defend itself ---- through projection. so u project ur behavior on ur g.f and u think that she does the same thing, which triggers ur jealousy, and every time u see her talking to a guy, you think she's flirting.
like i said, i don't kow if thee defense mechanisms work for sure. but to tell u the truth i feel the same way abt my girlfriend. i get jealous too. and honestly i check out oter girls becuse my g.f is not that hot. she does exercises but not that often. so projection might actually be true. maybe i do project my behavior on her and since she has many guy friends, i get jealous all the time. i feel guilty but....what can i do

the thing with me is that she hurt me in the past, and that really sucks because i thought this relationship would be just like i always imagined it in my dreams. now, i can't make myself think that our relationship is pure despite the fact that she loves and despite the fact that i know how much i mean to her. just like you, my friend, i'm constantly preoccupied with dark thoughts and can't see anything good about this relantionship.

i don't know what advice to give u because i can't solve my problem either. if u check out o;ther girls, maybe u shouldstop so that ur mind doesnt project this on ur g.f or ur other option is to make urself believe that checking out other girls is not wrong, so that ur mind doesnt feel guit and then there will be no projection. good luck!
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I think the jelousy phase your goin through is fine, I had it with my girlfriend. However, it really does play with your mind and screw up a lot of things, you'll start stressing out and feeling hurt and suspicious, which could ruin many things, heck, i was so jealous once, i gave my girlfriend the silent treatment for a week or two. She should've dumped me there and then, but she was forgiving and she was willing to sort it out. And the most important thing is to be open.

I told her about my jealousy and she understood. And well now we have the best relationship I could ever ask for. Cause after that, she reassured me that she was loyal, she even stopped being friends with some of the guys. (Looking back, I feel really stupid) After that you truly appreciate what they have done for you, and in the end you will understand and the jealousy phase will pass. The trust will develop and the green monster will disappear.
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I think jealousy is about insecurity. When someone is jealous, it's usually because they don't feel they are good enough to keep their partner and are afraid that their partner will do a little comparison between you them and another person...and the jealous person sees it as a threat.

I've been in screwed up relationships where my partner didn't trust me, it was always a struggle. I was constantly quizzed about who I'd talked to that day and what did we talk about.

Life IS too short, the sort of mind games a jealous person puts you through is a form of abuse. They beat you down mentally until you give up and think that the jealous person just LOVES you SO MUCH. You begin to feel as if you could NEVER find anyone else that can love you as much.

That's not love.

When you're in a relationship where someone loves and trusts you - you are with a person that is secure in themselves. It's a great place to be. Trust me, I've been there.

HTH,

Hankster
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Yeah my hubby gets very jealous of me and its annoying, and he doesnt trust me, and that just causes more problems becuz you cant make sopmeone not do something. So if she wants to cheat or flirt or whatever she will. But she is less likely to do it if you trust her and give her some room to breath. I havent ever cheated on my hubby, but some girls would. I admit I can get very jealous myself and its just a vicious circle of no trust. We love each other alot and we are still trying not to get jealous but it is hard sometimes. In my case though I HAVE been cheated on by every person I have ever dated, and it isnt cuz I am ugly or fat, cuz I am not either. So I dont really trust. But I dont know what his reason is for not trusting me though.
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well i fairly do that to snoop around to get some information that i dont recieve by asking but you have to put trust in your gurlfriend and just talk to her more then to ignore the fact that your hiding behind the curtain.
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i do trust my boyfriend but i do get jealous mainly because im scared of losing him. we are completely open with each other and dont hide any thing from each other and we both use each others phone. when i get jealous or paraniod i'll be withdrawn for a while and when he asks if im ok i tell him whats wrong and he puts my mind at rest and i do exactlly the same with him, we keep ourselves to ourselve and when we socialise we only do it as a couple because it totally works for us and we like to spend our time together, were now engaged.
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jealousy is a normal thing to have in a relationship. yet it doesn't mean its a good thing. its very true sumtimes jealousy can end a very good relationship many couples argue abt it and blah cums to a break up. you go through her stuff because you care about her. Its nice that you care but if she hasn't done anything wrong to you or her past relationship you should try to trust her more. its normal but its better if u ask her in person so if she lie yet u know she's not worth your time
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rev32 wrote:

I think the jelousy phase your goin through is fine, I had it with my girlfriend. However, it really does play with your mind and screw up a lot of things, you'll start stressing out and feeling hurt and suspicious, which could ruin many things, heck, i was so jealous once, i gave my girlfriend the silent treatment for a week or two. She should've dumped me there and then, but she was forgiving and she was willing to sort it out. And the most important thing is to be open.

I told her about my jealousy and she understood. And well now we have the best relationship I could ever ask for. Cause after that, she reassured me that she was loyal, she even stopped being friends with some of the guys. (Looking back, I feel really stupid) After that you truly appreciate what they have done for you, and in the end you will understand and the jealousy phase will pass. The trust will develop and the green monster will disappear.

if u stop her from meeting her friends then this is really selfish of u.

u gotta see the real her. not what U WANT to see in her.
she's gotta be a free electron(to an extent).
you'll get the real her and then decide what u wanna do.
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I think everyone in a relationship has a certain amount of jealousy - if you don't think you do you are probably in denial.

when i started uni a couple of years ago me and my boyfriend were in a long distance relationship - although he spent a lot of time with me at my uni. he thought i was cheating on him or liked someone else as i would do my hair and make up to go into uni (and it was coz i was comfortable being with him and not having to put so much effort in).

he told me he'd gone through my emails and my texts on my phone and that he felt really bad. i didn't mind as i had nothing to hide and told him that if he ever felt the need to check my stuff he could as it didnt bother me.

i get jealous of him talking to girls, but i trust him and he trusts me so you deal with it! if you are really that worried about what they are doing every second of the day you shouldnt be in that relationship - you cant really love someone if you dont trust them!

be open, share your passwords, leave your phone out and make an effort to show your bf/gf that they are the only ones you love and want to be with!
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just because a girl is jealous doesnt mean she dont trust her bf it could just be that shes just a jealous person and doesnt wanna see him do certain things or talking to certain people but feel its ok for her. most of the time if your jealous over something and just dont like to see your bf doing say something right away let him know. its also the other way around, the same with guys. just that girls should be able to get away it a lil bit. i think a lil bit of jealousy should be tolerated from a girl if she isnt over jealous. females need to be shown there cared about and given extra attention. but for a guy to get jealous like that is immature and childish. the reason is guys cheat in relationships alot more then girls and get away with it, to cheat even makes a guy look or feel "cool" when girls are looked at in a bad way for it. thats just the way society is and im a guy i should know. i know i wouldnt cheat once or get jealous over anything if i was serious about a relationship if i wasnt serious i would have no right no act or be jealous . most people arent serious and its playing games not having a relationship and in the end a waste of time. i do feel that its ok for girls to show a lil jealousy adventully it will go away if there isnt someone really just wont be trusting at all. but for guys being jealous and acting on it isnt being a man at all plus its a waste of time if you know you do the same things you get jealous about.
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Paranoid123 wrote:

jealousy is a normal thing to have in a relationship. yet it doesn't mean its a good thing. its very true sumtimes jealousy can end a very good relationship many couples argue abt it and blah cums to a break up. you go through her stuff because you care about her. Its nice that you care but if she hasn't done anything wrong to you or her past relationship you should try to trust her more. its normal but its better if u ask her in person so if she lie yet u know she's not worth your time




i disagree. jealousy from a guy is when hes into playing games and acting immature. why would you wanna look at your girls phone unless you think shes doing u dont like. and why would you think? thoughts like came from your mind unless you been shown otherwise. since it came from your mind tthats makes you insecure cuz u know its something u do or would do. that is far from normal in a relationship
jealousy is not a normal thing in a relationship thats "normal". to me that means 2 people with true love for each other and 100% trust issues no matter whats going on. when both people dont feel threatend if they wanna go out or go somewhere without the other having to be everywhere because they both trust one another. if your in a "normal" relationship feelings like jealousy is one thing thats not "normal" you dont go thru someones sh*t if because you care about them thats the stupidest thing i heard and its disrespectfull u dont disrespect people you care about in any type of way. wouldnt you feel disrespected if someone went thru your sh*t, especially someone you thought would never be doing that without you knowing? you need to have respect for peoples privacy it isnt normal if you dont. at the same time when it comes to 2 people who suposed to be together no one would have anything to hide. if you both got phones u dont look at a girls unless your sure u dont have anything in your phone u dont want her to see in that case just ask to see it and theres really no reason too unless something happens to yours. so its about respect and trust thats suposed to be normal not disrepct and jealousy to where you gotta go thru someone elses sh*t u dont ask for first
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Jealousy is like a rust that can actually ruin your relationship. It roots from the fear that you will wake up one day realizing your significant other is not already yours.
I have been also there, I experience the same thing. But when I learn the value of trust, it really makes sense at all.
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