I'm a 27 year old male. I'm a former army vet of 8 years, and I have an associate degree.
I've been dating this girl for over a year and a half. I ended up getting kicked out of my house in August of last year, I had lost my job before that. Her family took me in, but made us sleep in different rooms. Her dad was ok, but at times he showed signs that he was a recovering alcoholic with rare and random fits of anger, but overall a great guy most of the time. I even looked up to him. Her mom was married twice, home maker, generally a fear monger. She tells my girlfriend when to wake up, makes my girlfriend taxi her around doing errands/appointments. TELLS my girlfriend when she has to babysit (for either her cousin or her brother.) Overall obsessively needy. Her mom reminded me of my mom (abused control freak and pushy/needy) and my grandmother (same but old school like) combined on their worst days. Her mom sleeps on the couch, her dad sleeps with the door shut alone in the bed room. Not exactly a model marriage if you ask me. After my mom died my girlfriend and I got engaged (December). I was working as a temp to make little bits of money here and there to supplement taking my girlfriend out and paying for my car.
Her family was there for more but it always seemed I was taking a lot of unnecessary criticisms/subtle belittling from her mom. It was to the point that her mom was rude and I would make a point to let my girlfriend know in private and she would pass it off as nothing.
Well, in a different but tied story, my girlfriends best friend is the touchy feely type of person, and was known for trying to steal my girlfriends current crush/partner. She's an in-out type college student with no sense of emotional attachment to anything. She usually bugs my girlfriend to pick her up hours away and drive her around. She tried to get me and my girl to drive her around to her friends. The girl tried to touch my shoulder one day and was breathing on my neck while all of us were in the car together. So I told her straight out don't touch me and I wasn't driving that bum anywhere in my car, and put her in her place (I'm not a touchy person except with my girlfriend). This made the best friend hate me.
Anyway, one nite the my girlfriend decided to go hang out with her. Well, it got late and I was hating the fact I was alone with her mom in the house. I was hiding in my girlfriends room like a kid, playing on the computer. I decided to call my girlfriend because it was getting late and again I didn't want to be alone in her house, like a pet left behind.
I called my girlfriend on her house phone line. She said she was watching a movie, it was cool, then the phone got disconnected. She called back the parents line and I answered it quick because I didn't want to wake her mom up. She said she would come home shortly, she was watching a movie a few streets away at her best friends house. Well I hung up, and was happy with the answer. Then I hear downstairs her mom yelling at me. "Why are you touching my phone?!" Granted, I'm sick of being torn into by this woman already. I text my girl and tell her I'm packing my sh*t and she needs to get home asap because I cant handle her mom. I took enough abuse from my own mom never mind someone else's.
Anyway, my girl gives me attitude on the texts, I tell her she needs to get home asap because I'm literally packing. So she gets home like 10-15 mins later, maybe. And I had packed up everything in my room, because I was serious, I wanted away from her parents. I couldn't afford it, but it definitely wasn't worth what they were putting us through. I felt controlled like a child, everything we did we had to explain to the mother. Well, my girl saw me. I explained what happened and why I was mad. She threw a water bottle at the door while she was in a fit of anger. Her mom hearing this immediately assumed I did something to her. "What are you doing to her?! You can't control her! She can see her friends! She's 21!!!!!"
That one word... ruined my entire relationship. I had always told my girlfriend, "I don't care if its not with me but you need to get free of your parents and get your own life." Anyway, that one word apparently scarred my girlfriend. Because suddenly it went from me having an issue of being around her parents to her thinking that all I wanted to do was take her friends/fun away.
In February/March sh*t really hit the fan. A "friend" came back into the picture and started talking to her a lot behind my back. One day on St Patties day I came home and she was getting ready to go out. She told me she was going to meet up with her friend, then invited me last second figuring I'd say no I don't wanna go. Well I said I'd go. Apparently this ruined the other guys plan, so last minute he pulled a buddy to go too. The whole time we were there, something seemed off. They were making all kinds of jokes friendly. But at one point my girl crossed the line commenting on his package, and I poked her gently and whispered "thats enough." He fell off his chair at one point and we all laughed. Well eventually we left without incident after she drank too much.
Anyway, for days after that she was being rather distant/mysterious, when usually shes the type that puts 110% into loving someone. Well after a few days of this, it was beginning to hurt me. On a hunch while she was asleep, I checked her phone and found out the guy had been texting her at all hours with sh*t like "hey gorgeous, single yet?" which she replied with "No, I couldn't break up with him. It sucks. I just want to stab him in the head sometimes!" He replies with "lets meet up at target or something." She's like "Ok, I could just say I'm babysitting to him." Granted, after I read this, I was furious. I immediately started packing my sh*t once again. I was so aggravated/hurt/lost that I ended up checking her computer, and I saw she was saying this to another one of her guy friends as well. Saying the engagement ring I gave her was basically a metal collar and that she wanted to break up.
In the morning, I addressed it. I told her what I had done and why and what I had found. She was mad because I broke her trust, and then said, "I didn't do anything!" She didn't get the point that lying to me, planning to lie to me, and not addressing our issues was bad. I asked her straight out if she wanted to be with me or she wanted to break up. She said she wanted to stay together. The trust was damaged much though.
It drove me to find a decent job that I still currently have, ironically enough I had my interview that same day that I agreed to took in anger/retaliation at being hurt. Well, I work the typical 9-5 and I tried to save money where I could. I would offer her parents money every time I could and would even secretly pay for things for them because they'd refuse my money.
During all of this, my girlfriend wasn't even looking for a job, we had always talked about getting an apt right after we both get jobs to escape her parents and start OUR life. It always seemed to me though that she wasn't trying at job hunting. I had learned in my search that just emailing and hoping doesn't help. You have to aggressively chase a job you want. I explained this to her. She would tell me, "I'm going to get a job after I get my tonsils out. Not before because I don't want to work and get fired because of it. I don't want to have to pay for it!" I would try to explain to her that most jobs give health insurance and vacation time. I explained that we had nothing to worry about, it was a minor surgery. Either way, she would always be unmotivated.
Meanwhile, it didn't help her mom was trying to fill her with c**p saying that she should be a home maker. Granted, its obvious that her mom never took us seriously, but I had more hope for my girl than that. I had told my girl after we got married that she was free and able to use the rest of my gi bill (I only used half of it.) and we would get her through school together. Her mom would always kill her self esteem. Any idea we had she would down on when presented to her. "You can't ice skate, you'll break an ankle!" "You can't go to --------! Its full of dangerous criminals and black people!" (Yeah she was a racist POS too.)
Well, one day my girl's best friend came home, and she went to hang out with her for a while, and some others. Maybe it was a twinge of jealousy, but my instincts were going nuts. I decided to say f**k it and took a walk. Granted it was like 10:30 or so, I went for a walk. It just so happened that day was the 6th month anniversary of my mom's death, so I was already feeling alone and hurt. I went walking for a few miles and back with my ipod to clear my head/the feeling. Then I sat in front of the lake nearby for a bit. I was feeling rather lost and had a feeling like I wanted to die. I texted my girl and asked her if she could come to the lake and talk to me because I was having issues. Again being alone with her parents, missing my mom, and feeling like the abandoned pet in the house was no fun. She basically ended up blowing me off until later around 11:45-12:30ish.
I told her how I was feeling.
Apparently, when we got home, her mom made up some story that I followed her in my car. She apparently had believed her mom too. My car had sat in the lawn the whole time. Her mom was purposely trying to sabotage us.
Well we went to a concert of her friends, it seemed that her tastes were suddenly changing. I got a bad vibe. It was almost like a girl wanting to hang out with a new guy friend but being too shy to. I knew they had always spoken online and this was one of those guys that wanted her to dump me, and he wanted to dump his girl. I saw her "friend" and his girlfriend play. The music was horrid, and made no sense. It was that "hardcore" screaming stuff. Anyway I wanted to leave so bad. I got the worst vibe from the place and my girlfriend was just getting drunk pointlessly. I wanted to leave but she said we couldn't and it was her car (I was the DD but for some reason she wouldn't say enough was enough.)
It was clear the guys girlfriend didn't like her. Like she knew something was up.
Fast forward to recently, I went on a business trip for my new company. Training in Florida. 3 days. Before I did, I was going to have my girl drop me off at the airport. Her mom raised hell saying that I should take a shuttle and my girl shouldn't waste the gas (IN MY CAR???) dropping me off. It caused such a huge issue that finally I said, "Screw it" and had her drop me off at the shuttle. This added so much useless travel time to my schedule and took time away from me and her really. My girlfriend texted me saying she missed me and called me when she could. Then she had made plans to go out with her sister in law on that Tuesday, I left on the Monday and was coming back that Wednesday. That Tuesday she was drinking heavily while she was out. She called me saying she missed me, but was rather distant feeling, gave me a bad vibe. Well I have a crappy tracfone with prepaid minutes. My minutes were getting low. In fact, during that convo I had asked her if she could pick up some minutes for me since I had no access to anywhere because that hotel was far from any stores. She said she was too drunk and would do it in the morning.
Anyway, finally we parted ways on the phone, and I went to go to bed. She called me to say good nite, then she started crying and saying she drank too much and thought someone spiked her drink. I said to her to sleep on her side and keep a bucket close. I felt horrible because I wasn't there to help her. Every other time she drank I was always there to watch over and help her/hold her hair so to speak. She would always end up drinking too much and getting sick. If we went to a bar, she'd order over 4 tequilas then assume she was good to go. Meanwhile, I'd be left smacking my forehead and knowing I was going to have to carry her ass back to the car.
Anyway, she called me multiple times that night, 2:30 rolled around she called me crying, begging for help, then hung up abruptly. I had 5 minutes left on my track phone, I called and tried reaching her, I left 2 messages. I was worried and far away. I mentioned my mom died in December, because 911 didn't get there fast enough and nobody knew how to help her. I had also saved a fellow soldier once before from aspirating (drowning in his own bile). Either way, I had that stigma of her being in trouble the same ways.
I tried calling over 20 times, scared finally, I used my last minute on my phone call her mom downstairs and asked her mom to check on her because I was worried. Her mom said, "ok fine" and then I hung up. Meanwhile I haggled the hotel staff to use their internet to get a new phone card which they let me do.
I tried to call her again, then I called her mom back, her mom immediately snapped at me saying, "You're a drama queen! She's fine She's asleep! ..." and trailed off with various insults. I hung up on her. I didn't sleep that night, I was so upset but relieved at the fact that she was ok. It was clear that her mom didn't see any nobility in my actions. You know, making sure her daughter hadn't drown in her own bile or passed out dead due to alcohol poisoning.
Anyway, I talked to her the next day between trainings, making preps to go home. She told me her parents were mad at me. I said, "why, it wasn't what I did, you went out drinking then called me all distressed and in need of help!" She told me they had taken her phone away that nite after she was puking and thats why she didn't get my calls. Either way, she kept trying to pin the blame for everything on me. I said, "I understand what I did, but I'm not alone in this. You called me in need of help, I did what I could from Florida, from a distance." I told her she needed to patch it up with her parents and explain her actions and mine reacting to it. Because what I did is what any loving partner would do if they felt their spouse was in need. She seemed off/ like she still wanted to pin it solely on me. Anyway, fast forward to getting home.
I told her when I got in the car later that night from the shuttle that we needed to talk. She told me her parents were going to kick me out in a week. I noted she said you (as in me), not "us." "You need to go somewhere." Again, You not "We" like we had always talked about.
I spoke up right away. "You make it sound like we're not going together, whats this talk of just me?" Anyway that nite she told me she had met up with my sisters friends to get drugs for this online friend of hers that she wanted to go to a concert to. I was furious. I said, "You put more effort into finding drug connections than you did in our future!" She denied it. Anyway she wanted to just go to bed and change the subject. I told her we had to talk because if her parents wanted to talk to us without us talking together it would tear us up the middle.
Anyway, that next day, July 10th, I had 2 days off work because they wanted to monitor hours closely, her mom was downstairs doing her cleaning deal. Her dad was off at work. I moved my computer from her room to the room I was staying, couldn't get the internet to work. I noticed her mom came up stairs and was seeming extra snoopy then went back downstairs again. My girlfriend woke up. my girl sat up on her bed and I sat down in front of her, I had a list of all the things that were bothering me, and a list of all the good things too. I explained to her a class I had taken in Florida was about becoming a better listener. I wanted her to speak her mind. She didn't want to talk. So I started talking anyway. I explained all the goods, avoided the bads and summed them up to her as immaturity and parental control overkill.
Meanwhile, we're having our private convo, her mom busts the door open and yells, "WHY IS THERE A CLOSED DOOR IN MY HOUSE?! WHAT IS THIS!?" then gets all grumbly and angry and starts yelling at us, saying I need to leave and all this other trash. I finally get fed up because its clear shes trying to break us up/interfere/ruin what we have going. I say, "We're having a private conversation about our relationship."
Then I get mad at my girlfriend because she just sat there and let her mom tear on us like children and didn't even try to defend us. She got upset and went downstairs where her mom tore into her about doors closed and every other thing in the world and about how I need to get out and how much of a loser I am.
Finally, I'm fed up with this abuse, knowing I have to leave anyway and knowing I have money saved, I finally say enough is enough. I yelled down the stairs, "You know we're engaged right?" She immediately counters with, "YOu are not! You just gave her that ring because you wanted to win her over! You two don't know what love is! She's only 21!" and really started tearing into me. So I immediately counter with, "Well, when your daughter ends up an old cat lady, you can blame yourself for it." She was so furious, she starts yelling at me saying I'm leeching off of their family and all of this stuff. (Meanwhile I had just slipped her dad over 70 dollars for a dinner that her mom had ordered $60 appetizers that ended up making the bill over $110).
She starts calling me sub-human and downing on my love for my girlfriend. And about how I'm such a loser. Meanwhile, I've done more in my life of 27 years than 2 of her kids that are over 30 have done combined. At this point, logic kicks in. Her son is 30, and lives with his wife's parents and is just an angry/miserable person like her. I say to her, "You realize your son is doing the same thing to his wife's family. Don't worry, I'm leaving TODAY." This drove her over the edge. She came at me, my girlfriend is just staring at us like a deer in headlights. Her mom came at me. She grabbed my arm and raised her fist to me. Meanwhile I'm trying to move back away from this woman. I'm not going to hit her but I'm certainly not going to let her hit me. I hate being touched.
My dad was abusive and beat my mom to nearly death and vanished when I was 7 after they got divorced. My mom was almost as abusive, more verbally than physical (she threw things more than hit but was very confrontational in your face bull like this woman.) Immediately I snap to military mentality. Granted I don't usually say ma'am unless I'm at work on the phone being polite. I say to her, "Ma'am, don't touch me. Ma'am, let me go now." And pulled away backward. Well her grip was like a death grip apparently. She put her fist to my throat to push me down. So at this point my voice is changing due to the pressure. I immediately manage to get away from her. And go back upstairs and say, "I'm leaving, ma'am, you have a good day!"
Its unclear to me in this moment if my girlfriend tried to help me or not. Anyway, her mom went off with her sister (my girlfriends aunt) to lunch. I made plans to go to my grandfather's house since he didn't live there much anymore. I talked to my girlfriend, she told me that she would meet up with me later on. She then stayed there in that house. Apparently her parents tried to convince that I was psycho/abusive because I stood up to her mom. She didn't end up hanging out with me again until that Friday. Her mom made her call on the hour every hour to, "See if she if she was ok." It was absolutely ludicrous. I told her that paroled inmates have less supervision. Anyway, I tried to bring up what happened and my girlfriend blames me and wouldn't even try to see my side of it, or what I did for her. She would just change the subject or blame me. She told me her mom had a bruise and it was my fault. Meanwhile, I hadn't touched the woman. I hadn't even moved her hands, I had just moved the other direction away from her to literally escape.
Well she told me she could only hang out for a few hours then if I wanted to hang out again I would have to DRIVE her from her house to her friends concert in some seedy end of a middle of nowhere town.
Well I show up to her house to pick her up, her brother and her dad immediately come to my car while her door is open to try to start a confrontation and her brother threw some stuff at my car. Apparently the mother had riled them all up. We leave there, she apologizes a little, saying, "I didn't know they would do that." But, it was clear that she did.
So we go, this time I'm armed with earplugs because I don't want to hurt my ears. Her friend ignored her while we were there. Like it was obvious he didn't want to associate with her while I was around. Well, we finally left, we went to buy a new phone card for me. On the way back, she seems so hurt. I ask her whats wrong. She tells me she heard the other girl making fun of her to a friend saying, "Oh thats her, shes fat." Meanwhile this gave me a twinge in my mind because A. they're talking about my girlfriend, and B. why? I say to her, "Aww who cares what they say, its not like you're dating him or something."
Meanwhile, that should have been the biggest red flag. Anyway, days later , it seems that she's being distant/limiting our time to all hell. She ditches me that Friday night saying that she just wants to hang out with her family. Meanwhile, I lived there for almost a year, I know for a fact that her family days are like every day and she cant wait to escape them.
Anyway, she purposely starts an argument on the phone, and I was getting a bad vibe. I end up saying something about her not having a personality because it seems like her parents control everything she says and thinks. She gets so mad she tells me off and hangs up. I text her saying, "Don't talk to me until you cool off. Have a nice nite."
Anyway, she came over to my new house that next day because I grabbed a room with a cool guy that had one for rent. I was tired of unsure things. The next day, after hours of making me wait, then slept over. But, almost like clockwork, she left as soon as she could.
thats next Monday her parents apparently were having a "final supper" for her because she was having surgery that next day on her tonsils. I brought Bread to feed the ducks and a dozen roses for her because I wanted to show her she would be fine. She had always talked negative, and in all honesty, she behaved like someone that didn't plan on living through it.
She had planned to hang out with me from 7 until 10. She said she had to go at 9:20 so she could take a shower. Her parents weren't going to want me around her house so she was going to text me the next day to let me know she was ok.
Tuesday rolls around, she goes in for surgery, I'm at work doing my usual 9-5. Her surgery gets canceled due to ventilation problems in the OR. She calls me to tell me this, then says, "I'm going to sleep!" I ask her if she could come over later. She says, "Sure, it will be so fun to be with you and play with the dog!" Then a bit later as work is coming to a close she texts me with, "Cousin wants me to babysit, I can't hang out tonight, sorry." So I call her to ask whats going on. Meanwhile, I'm thinking there is no way her family is THAT cold. She tells me her cousin has something going on that she wants her and her husband to hang out before her husbands kid comes over. I say, "Ok, tell her I say hi." Then she like doesn't call/text me much in fact, it was like not at all. In fact, its like radio silence. This tips me off big time that something is wrong. My gut was on fire. My roommate talks to me about stuff and tells me I shouldn't be feeling that way.
Anyway, she gets home later that nite and gets online and starts acting like completely extra nice for some reason. I chalk it up to her being lonely. She says she's going to come over the next day. She almost ends up canceling it due to weather but braves it anyway. She comes over, we hang out, she leaves around 9:30-10ish and says its because she is afraid of driving at night.
The next day she wants to hang out but says I have to pick her up. So I did, but while I'm with her, I'm getting the worst feeling ever. I chalk it up to being lonely without her/at a distance and enjoy our time. She tends to seem slightly distant. Just enough that you notice. Like you're putting 110% into the relationship and receiving 20 back%
The next day rolls around, I am at work, I get the worst feeling ever. Like something is definitely wrong. I decide to say f**k it and check her myspace because we both know each others passwords. There to her sister in law, her bragging about hanging out with that guy from the concert/show on privately on Tuesday. When she was "Babysitting."
She admits that she was hanging out with him and it was fun.
Her sister in law asked her, "Did you have sex with him? Its fun when you're high."
She answers with, "Not that much fun, he had to go pick up his girlfriend at work. Grrr Lol"
That grrr tipped me off. Meanwhile at this point I'm furious. I addressed my girl and told her I don't know if I want to be with her anymore, shes shocked and of course gets mad at me for going through her things. I told her I didn't approve of what I did either, but that wasnt the point. She was going behind my back, and most of all LYING to me.
Anyway, we argue, she hangs up, she gets on aim, argues more, tries to sound like I'm wrong shes the victim and shes innocent. Anyway, I sent the other guy's girlfriend a message, trying to let her know what happened. She sends me a message saying that she knows of at least one time (other than this one!?) that they hung out behind her back.
This right here sets me into ruin. She says it was only that once and she says shes coming over to talk to me today. I dont think I even want to see her again. Part of me wants to stay with her. But part of me wants to say f**k it and watch her fall apart. I love her but she hurt me so bad.
I'm not even sure what to do. I tried to help her so much over the course of this year and a half, but you can't help someone that doesn't want help. You can't talk to someone that doesn't want to speak. Communication can be an illusion.
So now, I ask myself, and you, what should I do? I love her so much. She was so tied into what was left of my family. I'm alone really.
Dear That Guy
You are a very intelligent, generous, caring young man. I think you answered your own question. This family is dsyfunctional and there is nothing you can do to save them or your so called girlfriend. Sometimes what happens in life is we are attracted to relationships that are similar to how we grew up. Your mom unfortunately bless her soul, settled for less by being with a man who was abusive and being a young child and witnessesing this you have taken on this role of a savior. You need to look deep within yourself and find out what it is that you want for yourself. You feel like you could have saved your mother, but in reality sometimes people choose relationships that are unhealthy and there is nothing you can do about it no matter how hard we try. We all have issues in our lifes from our childhood that we bring into relationships. It is a good thing that you realize that your girlfriend and her family have problems.
The thing is you are holding on to this. You need to let her and her family go. Just know that God loves you and he has a plan for your life. There is a woman out there for you that is going to love you and treasure you. See when you meet that person you both should be growing together, if only one person is growing then this is a sign of the wrong person. Growth never stops, relationships take work and both people have to be willing to work at it. Which is not the case in your situation. Your girlfriend chooses to stay where she is because she feels safe and does not have to be responsible and if things dont work out she can always blame someone. Right now she is blaming you, just give it time and her and her mother will be on the outs and guess who she will start blaming, her mother.
Get out of this situation and don't look back. Sometimes we have to let people and things go that we love. You cant fix her or change her. Dont feel bad or worry about what will happen to her, you cannot control that. This young lady is headed down a path of destruction and there is nothing you can do to help her. She has to help herself and she is going to have to hit rock bottom before she even sees it and she still might not see it.
Let her go and give this to God and allow him to guide and direct your path.
God Bless You
To begin, if there is any *one* thing that is for certain in your situation, it is this:
You, my friend, are the victim of ABUSE.
I caught your post a bit late (it's already February 06, 2009), so I'm not really sure where you stand with this girl now.. but you definitely need to ask yourself if this is what you really want for the rest of your life. Clearly there is a complete lack of respect for you on not only your girlfriend's end, but her parents end as well. You can't subject yourself to this kind of situation -- it will literally tear you apart. You are such a strong, mature, kind-hearted person with a whole lot of love to give. There are women scattered all across the globe who would go to ridiculous lengths to be with a man anywhere near as good as you.
You have a job. You now have your own house. You served your country for eight long years of your life. Obviously you were totally committed to this girl, and you have proved yourself to both her AND her family time and time again. You said it yourself, her mother is a miserable person.. and if you stay with your girlfriend, her mother will always be apart of the picture. The simple fact that your girlfriend not only showed intention to cheat on you, but actually went as far as to hang out with another guy behind your back and completely play the part of the victim will *also* always be apart of the picture. The existence of a relationship relies heavily on two major factors, trust and respect. You can't have a relationship with out even one of those factors.. your relationship appears to lack both.
Again, as you said yourself, you were abused by your own parents. There should be absolutely no way in hell that both your girlfriend and her family are allowed to treat you the same way. I'm telling you, men like you are very few and far between. Even if your relationship with her still hasn't ended by now, it will eventually. At 21, she's already showing signs of alcoholism. She can't be bothered to take your feelings into consideration or defend you when her mother criticizes you, when dealing with her mother alone is making you miserable enough as it is. It is very unlikely that any of these things will ever change. Worst of all, if you stay with her, who knows how low you will be by the time it does finally end (especially with her and the mother both completely dehumanizing you and crapping on your entire being).
I can't begin to put enough emphasis on what an kind, driven, intelligent person you are. Believe me, I have experienced death myself. I have lost people who were very close to me, and I know all too well the pain that comes with feeling alone. Please, spare yourself any further agony. Do not subject yourself to this abuse any longer. Move on for the sake of your sanity.. you're a gem, you're not like a lot of other people your age. I'm telling you, you WILL find a woman who can love you like you loved your girlfriend. In the mean time, live your life and do whatever it is you have to do to take care of yourself.
God bless you.
Dear 'That guy'
First off, you have an amazing abilitiy to keep the reader interested in your masterpiece of an article. At a first glance i saw it was too long to want to read it but after only a couple paragraphs I just had to find out what happened with you so I got sucked into this black hole of mysterious enticement. I love how you rate, and yes I'm a dude. No homo.
That being said, I will cut to the point. I am very sad you don't have too many people to rely on but surely enough the people on here gave you a straight answer. I am hoping you came to your senses as you were clearly blinded by emotion at the time. The hard thing for me to tell you is that any single person you told this story to can easily see the is CLEARLY NOT THE GIRL FOR YOUR AND IS DEFINITELY NOT THE ONE. There will always be a million "What if" questions you can ask yourself man but i'm being down to eart honest with you and looking at your life and how you can live a good life, a better life... a happy life man. You're suffering by being with this woman and not only is she not helping you, she's dissing you and throwing your ass to the curb side on the street. You take a lot of guff from this woman I have no idea how you are capable of taking that much pain and still hoping to continue your relationship with her. You are far too nice, and I do know why that is. You had a long previous experience and relationship with her. You developed such strong emotions and it is taking over your logic, driving you to want to help her because you are her "Man" and you will not stand to see her do anything bad as you were always there to protect her. The thing you must ask yourself though is does she really want to be with you? After she probably hooked up with that guy she didn't give a damn about you afterwards. She is lying to you.. to your face.. she tells you things and you found out they're all lies. She tries to pretend to want to be with you, but with very little or no effort. She clearly is spending more time with that guy and she doesn't give a damn about you man.
I know that YOU know the answer is simple. The truth is f*****g hard to accept, it will hurt your heart more than you have ever been hurt before. It is a pain that almost every man will feel at one time or another. But you must understand in order for your life to get better you will need to let go of this girl. I can f*****g promise you and swear on anyone's life that you are better without
OMG. I am at work in Australia and I somehow came across this post. I see it was years ago so hope you have gotten rid of this woman. Sometimes, when you ahve hard a difficult family life, you look for patterns that replicate the ones you know. In your casde it sounds to me that you ahve chosen a woman who treats you badly, in random spurts of love and hate. To be honest it sounds like the treatment you had form your mother.
You sound like avery smart and caring person. I hope found a woman who btter deserves you. I sure as hell hope you didn't marry this girl. If you did, how's it going??