Hey there, this is a rather embarrassing topic to be sharing, but i am stumped and i could really use an opinion! I simply just cannot get aroused when with my new partner.
She is the first girl i've been with since being out of my long term relationship of 3 years, and i feel ready to move on, but i cant help feeling that this might be some of the cause. I'd never had trouble in bed with my ex, even when we were both experiencing sex for the first time. But now, in my new relationship, we both are ready to take that next step, but nothing seems to happen on my end. We've done foreplay, but im too embarrassed to let her near me because i remain flacid..I thought, maybe nervs? I mean, it could be, but i dont see why i should be nervous..i know what im doing, so its not like im just poking around in the dark and really concentrating all my thoughts on what im doing.. and she recipricates to foreplay and i think shes gorgeous, i know it sounds shallow, but the thought crossed my mind that i wasnt physically attracted to her, but im quite certain i am, hell... just this morning i was thinking about her in the shower, and i was aroused..
Sigh. what is wrong with me? I'd really appreciate any input at all :) - even if its just to say that im being an ass! and to get over myself! haha.
Darren.
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Hi Darren,
We can rule out the physical if you still get aroused thinking about her.
It most likely is some sort of anxiety. Anxiety and nervousness can really put a damper on arousal.
Are you truly "over" your ex? Do you still think about her? It can make a difference.
Next time, just focus on the foreplay. Let her near you, let her touch you. Relax and don't worry if you don't get "aroused." Just focus on each other, hold her, explore her. Take your time. Don't worry about the "act" as much. Tell her what is going on. I think once you "break the ice" then you'll be fine.
Hope it helps.
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Hey mate, thanks for replying so quickly.
Perhaps you are right about the anxiety though.. i just dont understand why i should be. But i shall heed your words and just relax. I think breaking the ice as you say will definately make easier in the future, im just worried that she will think theres something wrong with her. I've sort of brought it up with her already and she said a similar thing to yourself actually. I mean and the nervs and the ex.
As for the ex though, that is a story for a another time.. hehe. But i guess in a way i do still care about her, i still worry whether shes treating herself right and that she will go back to how she was in time past. I suppose in a nut shell, i feel guilty for breaking up with her because i knew she wouldnt take it good (not that anyone would) but she really lost it. I just couldnt bare to think what i would do if she did something really stupid, you know?
It is definately not that same level of feeling that we once shared though. Like i said.. it just a general caring for her wellbeing i suppose.
Thanks again mate, i appreciate it.
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