Hey all my friends with bi polar spouses, I havent been on here with a while so I just thought it nice to give you an update of how things are going.Well it's been nearly 6 months now I suppose since our last break up and at this stage I am no longer really questioning my feelings for her.I know that I still love her and would still take her back as long as shes willing to work with me on this relationship.(Lemme tell you I am not perfect either.Shes my first real gf and I have things to learn too.I admit that.)
Well on a couple of occasions we have seen each other just casually with other friends that we are aquainted with and we have had really pleasant conversations and amazingly she approached me.After breaking up with me four times I would nod at her and acknowledge her but would be slow in approaching her but at the same time would want her to know that I am still her friend and would wanna support her in any way I can.
Well I am really glad how I handled everything.I know that there have been times I have gotten anxious around her but my anxiety didnt stop me talking to her or being civilized with her.I faced my fear with a lot of prayer.I firmly believe for me its the most important thing prayer.
Anyway I went to a NYE do with our friends and my ex was there.She was actually the first person I met and it was a bit awquard cos I had barely heard from her over xmas but within minutes we started conversing among our other friends and all was pleasant.
No awquardness.Sweet.Actually come to think of it almost any place we have met up as a group I seem to be the first person she meets.That can be scary and I dint do it intentionally either but TG alls cool.
Anyway the dinner arrives and I quite comfortably sit beside my ex at the dinner table.I hadnt much to say to her but it was okay.We both had pther people to talk to anyway.
The dancing came and I felt maybe it wouldnt be so appropriate to ask her to dance.Didnt wanna be pushing my luck so I started to have quite a good time with the other lads and girls though I must badmit the girls in particular.
My ex comes out onto the floor and I thought "Okay a little awquard but hell its Christmas and I said I was this persons friend no matter what a year ago and I am gonna stick to my word.So I decided I am not gonna just ignore her so I just tried to make a bit of fun conversation with her on the dance floor though not much.
Anyway 12 o clock came and I gave her a big hug.Well obviously I was gonna do that eh!!!
She seemed to be enjoying herself at times but at other times particularly on the cance floor she seemed distant from me and the others.
I dunno whether she was uncomfortable with me or jealous of the others.Well only time will tell and I'm sick of analyzing.
So at the table I just spoke to her for a few mins casually and asked her was she havin a good night and made a little bit of conversation and left itat that.
Had a great laugh with the other girls later.My ex wasnt there but that was not by choice.My ex was welcome to come along too.
Anyway NYD was fun cos I got an awful slagging over stll wearing my suit on the beach when all the others had theirs taken off at this stage.
I was glad my ex was part of the fun too cos I just love to see her happy and even better when its me thats making her happy.
We had a meal that day and again not by intention the chair was set up for me to sit right beside my ex again along with a couple of other girls I was taking to a certain place in my car to collect their car on the way home.
Well thats how I am looking after myself anyway and at the same time not leaving me ex out.Whe I say having a laugh by the way I dont mean sexually.
I am beginning to trust in prayer more and whatever will be will be.I am getting peace and I think my ex is too or at least soon she will.
Hey guys and gals hope ye're all doing well.I'm not brilliant to be honest I guess.I have looked for a therapist to help me deal with the trauma of my break up.I know with Gods help eventually things will be okay but right now it feels pretty painful.It's what I guess seven months now with almost nothing.I have only tried speaking to her casually as friends on a couple of occasions but she just is still distancing herself and I dont wanna be annoying her.At this stage I just dont know what to do.Thats why I need the therapist.I dont even know what I feel anymore.I do want my ex to be happy deep down even though I'm very angry with her behaviour at times but thats my loneliness I guess.I just wish her happiness could be with me.I am trying to meet other women just casually at events etc but just know that theres no point in me trying for a date cos I just know it would be a disastar.Its like I cant move back or forth I'm stuck in one position.I still wanna be friends with her but at this stage Im even finding that hard now.I just hope one day this mess will be cleared up and we'll be able to look back and be happy and just be at peace with each other even though Thank God I never had a cross word with my ex.
Out of interest, how would you feel if your ex-gf started to see another guy? How would you then manage your relationship with her?
At present recently split up with my girlfriend too and ive been really struggling. Everything as perfect, she loved me, then she changed very quickly and didnt want to be with me. In that time she was diagnosed with severe depression for the first time. Earlier in the relationship she had advised she thought she had bipolar, but I had dismissed it.
In short, she is now a month into med's, and we are not talking, but she insists shes fine and she just feels differently about me now. I expect if she went to counselling they would begin to see signs of bipolar and BPD to be honest, which would explain why she went off me so quick, and see's things so black and white i.e. your the love of my life never leave me, then a week later, I think we should break up, I need space.
In short, no one really knows what is going on in her head at present, she is 21, and I expect she will get herself another guy. I told her today despite everything, if she ever needs me or wants me back, my arms will be open. Honestly I dont think she will, but the offer is there. But there is 2 things I ask myself:
a) If she is bipolar, do I want to spend the rest of my life with a girl like this? Iin short, I would like to spend the rest of my life with the upbeat girl, not the downbeat one. Do I want this kind of drama? She is love of my life, but its alot to ask of one person.
b) How would I react if she starts/is seeing a new guy?
Just asking for your views, because you seem like you have been through alot, and maybe your exeriences could help me. I think I am alot like you. I dont want there to be any regrets, that I could be missing out on the most amazing, but toughest person I have ever loved.
Hey bro.I can empathise with you on how you're feeling.Yes its been 7 months now since my ex split from me and we been broke up 4 times in 6 months.What helps me more than anything else is prayer.I pray almost everyday for my ex and myself.If my ex started seeing another guy I have no doubt it would hurt me a lot.She has this thing on her FB status "Hostory: 2011:In a relationship with me" for over a year now and she also has a couple of dvds belonging to me but I dont care if she gives them back or not really.In fact I'd like her to keep them in memory of me.But everyday I still check up my exs FB to see is her status still up there and are my profile pics of us up there.They still are.I guess what that shows is that yes I certainly must still have feelings for her.Even though at this stage I've started to enjoy the company of other women and am not ready to push myself into another relationship I stil know that it would break me if my ex met someone else.But that said I wouldnt be angry with her.I'd wish her the best and try to be grateful for the good times and to be honest I'm grateful for the tough times too because its in tough times that we are all shaped into the beautiful people that we all are.I've read alot about bi polar and know that it is very difficult to manage even while medicated so I really dont like to pass judgement on my ex.Everything I said to my ex to this day I have stood by.I have not been a phony.If she has needed me I've always been there.Relationship or no relationship.Despite how hurt,lonely,frustrated and confused I've been I have always managed to deal with my emotions myself without taking it out on my ex.I am very lucky to have been able to do that and its all with Gods grace.Today my relationship with my ex is pretty good though.What I have always noticed is that the first couple of times we broke up I didnt find talking to my ex too bad at all.I was able to be positive about the whole thing but the last break up,I played a new role.I decided to let her try much harder to get me back.I let her put in most of the effort.If shes on FB now I wont go offline straight away but if she doesnt wanna talk to me after a few mins I'll go off.If I ever see my ex I'll salute her nicely but thats it.I let her come up and talk to me now.I find it easier because I have found it very wearing trying to figure out well"What mood is she in today?" "Should I talk to her or leave her alone?"I've said it to her enough of times.If she wants to talk shes more than welcome and she still is.Last night she spoke to me and all was okay.I had a short laugh with her and was glad to be able to do that.After that I just left her enjoy her night and enjoyed the company of who I was with.At the same time I wouldnt go outta my way to make my ex jealous.But I know for a fact that when you relax more a girl sees that and she wont feel near as intimidated by you and then shell be more comfortable about approaching you.This all takes time and a lot of healing though.Good luck!!!
Thanks for your comments and response. I hope you find the strength inside to do whats best for you. I guess my heart is torn. I like to consider myself a strong a person. I guess the differnence is I dont know if my ex-gf is bipolar. She has recently been diagnosed with severe depression and I expect the next few months will begin to reveal what she has. As I keep telling myself, is she Bipolar, or am I telling myself to this to ease the pain on me. The only way I can explain a girl loving me and going off me some quickly is there is an underlying problem with her. It could be another guy. but if she has been diagnosed with severe depression, there is obviously something that needs looking at. Shes 4 weeks into her meds, but says she is fine. I guess this makes it tougher. If a girl without dumps me, well you get on with it. If a girl with depression dumps me, is it me or is it the depression. Anyway she text me today, and said thanks for the support, and we need to give our stuff back. I guess thats not a good sign because it means in her mind shes moving on. Our FB relationship ended at the weekend. I said we can meet when she wants to for a drink and a chat, but she isnt interested. I asked if she minded if I sent her letter. She doesnt, as she says she wont change her mind. So Im not in any better position than yesterday, and I have to accept that is her state of mind right now. I am not trying to win her back. To be honest I feel this could have been saved if I hadnt panicked at the beginning of all this and just let her breathe. but I couldnt let her do it. So now she is saying 'yeah you werent listening to me, and you made me feel unwanted over xmas'. All i want is a chance to put myself across, but I think she is too far gone. As much it hurts me, I need to move on. At this time, I will look deep inside myself and find the strength to do it. Well I hope I have it anyway. At the end of the day she is young, good looking, and real nice girl. Any guy would be lucky to have her. I kind of wish it was me.