Most Common Marriage Problems During Pregnancy
Even the best of marriages can suffer and become stressful during a pregnancy. It is common in many marriages during this time in their lives. The mother-to-be has raging hormones that can suddenly cause her to become over-emotional, frustrated, sad, and hard to get along with. The father-to-be is left somewhat clueless as to what he can do to help his mate during these hormonal outbursts. There is also the fact that the father-to-be gets put into the shadows while the expectant mom gets all or most of the attention. With all that going on, it is highly probable that sometime during the pregnancy there are going to be some relationship problems to deal with.
What are the Most Common Marriage Problems During Pregnancy?Marital problems during pregnancy range from easy to resolve problems to damaging and difficult to resolve problems. Such problems are:
- Pre-natal depression. It is quite common for the mother-to-be to have drastic mood swings and even fall into depression. This tends to leave her mate not understanding why she is feeling the way she does and communications between the two get strained.
- Intimacy: As the pregnancy develops so does the belly of the mom-to-be. Many women look in the mirror and only see that they are fat and undesirable and tend to shun their mates from seeing them naked, having sexual intimacy, and sometimes they don’t want to be touched at all. On the flip side of that, some fathers-to-be are afraid of sexual intimacy because they believe they will harm the baby in some way, which leaves his mate to believe that he doesn’t find her attractive anymore and a riff comes between them.
- The Lime-light effect: A pregnant woman tends to get all the attention as the father sits back in the shadows as if he had nothing to do with the fact that he is part of this pregnancy. He tends to become jealous and possibly resentful of this and often can cause a great deal of tension between the couple.
- Lack of communication and understanding: It is common that the mother-to-be will throw this line, “You don’t know what it’s like” at her mate and he responds defensively which leaves them both angry and frustrated and breaks down the lines of communication.
- Financial burdens: Another mouth to feed and you automatically start worrying about how you are going to afford a child when it seems you can hardly afford supporting the two of you.
Resolving prenatal depression and intimacy problems
Many of these problems will work themselves out naturally, but sometimes couples need a little help to get back on track. Resolving these issues takes commitment and patience as pregnancy is both an exciting and frustrating time for each parent.
Resolving prenatal depression
Unfortunately there is no magic wand to wave that will resolve this problem quickly and painlessly. The mother-to-be can’t control the hormones that are ruling her body during pregnancy and the best solution to this problem is to keep an open mind, have a lot of patience, and keep communicating. She may need to be pampered and allowed to vent and given the opportunity to cry on your shoulder. Most of the time this passes by the third trimester as the birth of your baby grows closer.
Resolving intimacy problems
When it comes to the mother feeling undesirable, fat, and ugly, you, as her mate, need to remind her how beautiful she is. Pamper her, kiss her belly, and talk to the baby through her belly. Let her know you enjoy being close to her and enjoy touching her big, expanding belly. It is common for one or the other partners to feel fearful about sexual intimacy during pregnancy; I suggest you both speak with your doctor so he or she can explain when it is appropriate and or if it is not appropriate. Generally speaking, there really is no harm in having sexual intimacy during pregnancy and often, when the due date has arrived, having sex can stimulate the body to go into labor. Intimacy problems are very common between couples during pregnancy and often work themselves out naturally, but it is recommended that you both speak with your doctor about concerns you have about sexual intimacy during pregnancy.
Resolving the “Lime-light effect”
Many fathers feel left out and disconnected to the pregnancy because most of the attention is focused on the mother-to-be. She is the one carrying the baby and often the father gets a passing glance as all eyes are on the mother. This can lead to the father feeling disconnected and left out and sometimes bring on feelings of jealousy. It is important to include the father in all the visits to the obstetrician so he can be a part of the process; especially when an ultrasound is scheduled so he can be present at that momentous occasion. Include him in on the baby showers you have and let him open some of the gifts. He may or may not want to be a part of this, but giving him the opportunity shows that you want him to be a part of it. Remind him often how proud you of what the two of you have conceived together; remembering, it takes two to make a baby; in the traditional fashion.
Resolving lack of communication
This could be the easiest or the hardest of problems to resolve depending upon how far the communication gap has grown and depending upon how well you, as the couple, communicated prior to the pregnancy. It is very important to share your feelings of insecurities, fear, panic, stress, etc during this time in your life because holding it in will only make it worse. You may find that the same things you are stressing about your mate is stressing about them as well. Be open and honest and don’t hold in your feelings. Stress is potentially harmful to your unborn child; it’s not worth risking pregnancy problems when simple communication can resolve the conflicts between you.
Resolving financial burdens
This may be the number one relationship problem couples face during pregnancy. A child is an enormous responsibility and certainly there are many costs associated with adding a member to your family. But, and this is important, you have years to save for all the costly things that a child will need; as an infant, your costs consist of bottles, diapers, baby clothes, baby food, formula, etc.; many of these things you can get as baby gifts, buy at second hand stores, or through government funded agencies. Babies grow out of their clothes so quickly it is not cost effective to buy them brand new except for special occasions. Accept hand-me-downs and apply for whatever government funded agencies have to offer for new parents. Try not to take in the whole picture; take in one piece of the puzzle at a time. Start a savings plan; even if you can only put in a few dollars a week, over sixteen or eighteen years you will be amazed at how much you have saved for your child’s material needs as they grow older.
A child is a gift
If every day you wake up and remind yourself how much this baby is a gift to you, all those other stresses pale in comparison to the gift you are about to receive. It’s scary, but it’s also a wondrous and amazing time in your lives; don’t waste it on problems that can easily be resolved.