How Can You Help And Support A Loved One Who Has Attempted Suicide?

Heart disease. Cancer. Accidents. Chronic lung disease. Stroke. Alzheimer's. Diabetes. Nephritis and related kidney disease. Influenza and pneumonia. 

Nobody will be surprised by the fact that these are among the leading causes of death in the United States, each claiming tens of thousands of lives each year. Did you also know, though, that suicide is the 10th most common cause of death, and that around 47,000 people take their own lives each year?

Many of the people who are desperate enough to plan to take their own lives ultimately survive. In 2019, for instance, an estimated 1.38 million Americans of all ages tried to commit suicide, but made it out alive. If someone in your life is among them, it's crucial to know that the danger zone doesn't end the moment your loved one is discharged from hospital after an attempt. 

In fact, a suicide attempt is the single strongest predictor for a suicide attempt. Not only will seven to 11 percent of people who tried to take their own life once eventually go on to do so, the fact that around 23 percent of people will try to take their own lives again shows that many continue to struggle with the same mental health issues after a suicide attempt. That means they did not receive the right treatment or social support. 

There's a lot of stigma surrounding suicide, research shows, including among medical professionals. The idea that the suicide attempt was "just a cry for help" really has got to stop — because even if the attempt was indeed a cry for help sent out by a person who otherwise desperately wants to survive and get better, isn't it our duty to help them?

Don't withdraw from the suicide survivor in your life

For fear of saying the wrong thing, or even because they're processing the fact that their loved one tried to take their own life, many people take a huge step back from suicide survivors. Right at a time when they can really use the support, survivors can find themselves alone — their social circle depleted as news of their attempt spreads. Don't be one of those people. Be there for your loved one, or even, if you can, for people in your life that you don't know that well. 

Don't pretend it never happened

Many people have the best intentions as they think the suicide survivor in their life could use a little bit of distraction, and they try to rope them into everyday, normal, fun, and light-hearted activities like movies, parties, dinners, or jogging. That could indeed be very helpful, but if you don't acknowledge that the elephant in the room even exists, the survivor in your life might start feeling isolated, alone, and like they are a burden to everyone around them. More than that, they'll feel like they have nobody to talk to. 

If your loved one wants to talk about the attempt, doing so isn't going to harm them. It might help them process what happened, as they try to find their road to recovery.

Do process your own feelings

Research shows that many people feel guilty, angry, betrayed, powerless, and ashamed when someone important to them tried to commit suicide. These feelings are normal, and there's no point in spending additional time feeling guilty that you feel the way you do. It's crucial, though, to talk these emotions through with a therapist, especially if the suicide survivor in your life is a very close relative, like a partner, sibling, or child. 

Don't make the survivor feel more burdened than they already do right after the attempt. There may come a time when you can discuss these feelings openly with them, but it's not now. Never shame a suicide survivor for their attempt, or expect them to help you process your feelings about it. 

Do acknowledge and validate the survivor's feelings

Sometimes, simply letting the survivor know that you are so very sorry that they felt poorly enough to attempt suicide, and that you want them to be happy and healthy, can be very powerful. Some survivors might like a hug. Others might like to be reminded of the things in life that they cherish, by visiting the ocean, eating a favorite meal, or looking at pictures in a family album, for instance. 

Do let the survivor lead the way

If you are in a position where you are a caregiver, maybe because your partner or child attempted suicide, you will often find yourself having to be a part of their safety plan — by making sure they take their medications, that they eat, and by removing weapons from the home, for instance. The early recovery period isn't a time during which the survivor can take complete charge of their life, yet, as they may still actively be suicidal. 

When it comes to other things, like where they go or what they talk about, though, it is best to let the survivor lead the way. Nobody feels mentally healthier when they are constantly micromanaged and infantilized, especially after time spent at a mental health facility. To allow the survivor to rediscover aspects of life that are very much worth living, it is important for them to feel like they have some control. 

Do seek professional help for yourself

The closer the survivor is to you, the more likely it is that you will benefit from counseling yourself. That's both to help you deal with your feelings surrounding the suicide attempt, and to receive professional guidance on how to best support your loved one.