Ok...where to start. I have an amazing relationship with my fiance, we've been together for a little over a year and haven't had any huge arguments up until last night. A few months ago, he told me that he occasionally watches pornography on the internet (like 2-3 times a month) when he masturbates. He also mentioned that he is very selective--no violent or over-the-top cliche stuff, just videos of couples having sex. Because we have such an amazing relationship (sexually it is good as well), and because he doesn't look at it very often, it never really bothered me, until last night.
A few weeks ago, I had a LEEP procedure because abnormal cells were found on my cervix. The doctor said no sex for a month, which has been extremely difficult because we have such an intimate, close relationship. But so far we've stayed on track (almost 3 weeks and we haven't caved in). Of course, there are other alternatives to sex that we have been doing. I've been extremely sensitive about this LEEP procedure, and emotionally/psychologically have been trying to get around it--I just want my next PAP to come back normal and to get on with life. I don't want cervical cancer. This is why I've been strict about the no sex thing, I really want to heal up properly and be healthy again.
So here's what I'm writing about: last night, he was trying to get me to have sex before the month is up (rubbing up against me, trying to get me in the mood, etc.) even though I've told him I want to wait. I felt really bad about it, but reminded him we only have a week to go. I still kissed him, cuddled with him, etc. Once I started dozing off, though, he IMMEDIATELY rushed out of bed, went into the computer room, and looked at porn for a few hours and masturbated to it. He came to bed later smelling overpoweringly of lotion. I woke up, and he confirmed what he had done, and for some reason, I was really, really bothered by this. In fact, it disgusted me. I mean, I can't have sex and have been trying so hard to keep us intimate, and I just felt like that was a huge blow to the face. I cried, I got emotional about it, and he got angry, saying it was no big deal--and of course, it never bothered me before, so why now.
I'll tell you why: because right now I feel "broken." Like I can't be of any use to him sexually, like I wasn't good enough for him last night so he had to rush off to porn. IT REALLY BOTHERED ME THAT HE WAS LOOKING AT OTHER WOMEN ON THE INTERNET WHILE I WAS HEALING DOWN THERE. Before, when I was able to have sex, it didn't bother me because at least I could TRY to satisfy him, and if I couldn't, oh well, he could take care of himself. But right now it just feels different to me. I ended up not being able to sleep and crying most of the night. Am I making a big deal of this? Is it stupid of me to be upset? Like I said, it's just right now while I'm healing from this procedure. Can't he just wait on the pornography (I mean, my god, we still have oral sex) and be a little more sensitive to my feelings?
A few weeks ago, I had a LEEP procedure because abnormal cells were found on my cervix. The doctor said no sex for a month, which has been extremely difficult because we have such an intimate, close relationship. But so far we've stayed on track (almost 3 weeks and we haven't caved in). Of course, there are other alternatives to sex that we have been doing. I've been extremely sensitive about this LEEP procedure, and emotionally/psychologically have been trying to get around it--I just want my next PAP to come back normal and to get on with life. I don't want cervical cancer. This is why I've been strict about the no sex thing, I really want to heal up properly and be healthy again.
So here's what I'm writing about: last night, he was trying to get me to have sex before the month is up (rubbing up against me, trying to get me in the mood, etc.) even though I've told him I want to wait. I felt really bad about it, but reminded him we only have a week to go. I still kissed him, cuddled with him, etc. Once I started dozing off, though, he IMMEDIATELY rushed out of bed, went into the computer room, and looked at porn for a few hours and masturbated to it. He came to bed later smelling overpoweringly of lotion. I woke up, and he confirmed what he had done, and for some reason, I was really, really bothered by this. In fact, it disgusted me. I mean, I can't have sex and have been trying so hard to keep us intimate, and I just felt like that was a huge blow to the face. I cried, I got emotional about it, and he got angry, saying it was no big deal--and of course, it never bothered me before, so why now.
I'll tell you why: because right now I feel "broken." Like I can't be of any use to him sexually, like I wasn't good enough for him last night so he had to rush off to porn. IT REALLY BOTHERED ME THAT HE WAS LOOKING AT OTHER WOMEN ON THE INTERNET WHILE I WAS HEALING DOWN THERE. Before, when I was able to have sex, it didn't bother me because at least I could TRY to satisfy him, and if I couldn't, oh well, he could take care of himself. But right now it just feels different to me. I ended up not being able to sleep and crying most of the night. Am I making a big deal of this? Is it stupid of me to be upset? Like I said, it's just right now while I'm healing from this procedure. Can't he just wait on the pornography (I mean, my god, we still have oral sex) and be a little more sensitive to my feelings?
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Speaking from a guy's standpoint, I think your relationship is still very sound. I think it is normal for a guy to have some other forms of release when his woman is temporarily unable to go all the way. At the very least, he is not sleeping with another woman, and he is being honest about what he did. This shows that he is still very loyal to you. You should consider yourself a lucky woman.
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i'm offering a different male perspective. i think you are justified to have been annoyed at what he did, it was very insensitive of him. if this sort of thing occurred between myself and my girlfriend i would want/expect her to tell me how she felt about it and why. that's not necessarily advice you should take, that's just how our relationship works.
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Its very insensitive of your fiance to do that to you. and i understand completely why you reacted the way you did.
But there are two sides to this story none matter tho, considering your healing up, he should be more understanding to that fact and wait for you.
You could also help him out while hes watching porn. get involved with him and it, the fact your there too might be a huge turn on to him.
id try not to think to much of it tho, he was insensitive. and he probably knows it.
but soon youll be healed and you can show him why the real things so much better. ^^
hope this helps
and everythings sorted soon
But there are two sides to this story none matter tho, considering your healing up, he should be more understanding to that fact and wait for you.
You could also help him out while hes watching porn. get involved with him and it, the fact your there too might be a huge turn on to him.
id try not to think to much of it tho, he was insensitive. and he probably knows it.
but soon youll be healed and you can show him why the real things so much better. ^^
hope this helps
and everythings sorted soon
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Thanks everyone! I had a long heart-to-heart with him this week, and he now understands why this was bothering me and also wants (I did not suggest this--HE did!) to cut back on the porn to help our relationship and sex life out. He said it was something he did a lot in college because he was too introverted to find a girlfriend and it was more habit than something he really needed to do. This forum definitely made me feel better about this. I will definitely write here on the future!!
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