I made a life out of attempting to understand my own minds methods and weaknesses so I could live and not suffer with this disorder. I have tried about every med given and suffered much from side effects to inadequacy for my issue meds. and I will always seek treatment should I find myself unable to regulate one day with meds that work for me currently. The hardest part was sticking to the treatment and patiently waiting as each new med ran it course in my body. I often gave up early on in my pursuit to treat my disorder. It was easier to say"no thanks Id rather isolate myself from others than take pills that turn my life upside by making me sleepy or gain weight or a ton of others reactions I had along my treatments course." I evn ended with children s services investigating me after I refused further use of Seroquel under a doctor i once saw, it was like id been tranquilized by the dose,slept 18hrs daily and was often unable to function normally,let alone care for my two kids. When I saw the doctor after weeks of over medicating myself on his orders w Seroquel...I told him i was not willing to take any more of it and he had me investigated for my refusal. The entire ordeal was dropped without any further dealings with them but the idea of being under child services microscope because I wanted to be consciously aware of my kids needs was horrible. I spent about two years following the experience without any doctors treating me out of fear id face similar issues again. The only people that mistake hurt was my kids and me.

I came back around to the idea of seeing another psychiatrist eventually and I have been lucky enough to find a doc I truly enjoy. Ive been with him 7yrs now and would not dream of life without proper treatment for my bipolar again. 

As a younger woman say 18 or so I saw many of the relationships I shared suffer from the bipolars up and downs constantly. I was not yet able to pinpoint the real cause of the issues in those times. I was often emotionally wrecked, unable to stabilize my mood long at all and usually ended up going ape sh*t over something minor in all honesty looking back, but then unable to really see that it was me that was causing the dramatic or emotion storms in my life.

The smartest thing I ever did was finally own acknowledge and attempt to understand this thing inside my mind, this bipolar issue. People tend to assume they know what it is to have bipolr disorder, only to associate bipolar with some insane new headliner holding an airplane hostage over his coffee being spilled when thats just not an accurate picture of bipolar at all. I am not able to say I ever made the news,but who knows what life has instore,jk.

In closing,my point, dont be reluctant to seek help from mental health professionals out of fear you may be rejected by societies idea of normal. Be more afraid of what your life may never have the chance to become if you dont allow yourself the patience understanding and help often needed by all in life.I was never able to feel any shame due to my diagnosis because I was able to own my feelings and see my role in the problems bipolar can bring into life and knowing its wasnt them it was really just me after all made life alot more livable.

Seek help should you feel the need for it...your deserve to feel relief.