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This isn't a question as much as a statement I wanted to reach out to all you young women out there going through the same thing to tell you IT GETS BETTER! About a year and a half ago my OBGYN decided to put me on a generic brand of birth control to reduce the size of an ovarian cyst that I had. It was the summer time and after less then a month I found myself not being able to keep up with taking the pill everyday, so I stopped. Then about a month or two later I decided to go back on it without confronting my doctor (BAD DECISION). At first it worked great, no side effects but about 2 1/2 months in I realized I started to get very sick every night and I was being very violent towards my boyfriend. I'd pick on him for no reason and felt terrible every time I acted out. So I stopped "for good" I told myself. I felt so great just 2 or 3 days after stopping the pill (nausea gone, feeling more low key and myself) that I vowed never to touch those little devils again. About a year and a half after that my OBGYN noticed my cyst got bigger. I fessed up and told her about my love/hate relationship with the pill and how I didn't want to go back on it. But she recommended a lower dose (microgestine) and although I had a terrible feeling of repeating my birth control past, I decided that for my cyst I would go back on. Me and my boyfriend also experienced a few pregnancy scares so we thought the pill might be the best option till marriage. It was during the fall when the weather was getting colder & The first pill I took felt like poison sliding down my throat. The thought of becoming someone else again terrified me. The first month I noticed that nauseas feeling again but figured with time my body would get used to it. I also noticed a little irritability that I also hoped would disappear. My boyfriend at the time worked away from home and decided to surprise me by coming home early. I was so thrilled to see him but I also noticed changes in myself. Although I was extremely exited to have my best friend home, my physical attraction wasn't the same. I never had a high sex drive but that month I realized it disappeared to nothing. Then I'd randomly have days where I couldn't keep my hands off my boyfriend. Also about a 2 weeks into starting the second month I noticed that I was starting to become a stranger to myself and my great relationship. I felt like my boyfriend was drifting away. I became irritable again and we fought a lot. I grasped onto him in the last two weeks of being off birth control as a spiraled into depression. I started feeling disconnected to him and I questioned whether I wanted something else or not. I was upset and also even when I was turned on, experienced vaginal dryness which is also a side effect of BC (Which totally isn't me because before starting the pill I couldn't imagine life without him!) but I kept getting worse and worse. To the point where all I wanted to do was work (because I was able to see my mom there) and I missed school, wouldn't shower, wouldn't eat and got to a few points where I felt I thought life wouldn't get any better and I'd go crazy!! But the worst was the mental depression it put on me about my relationship. I felt so different in those weeks. Any feeling or thought I had that brought me happiness and comfort made me feel like myself again and that's when I knew. I HAD TO GET OFF BC FOR GOOD! I've had a history of anxiety/OCD and other things. Depression has gone in and out of my life but I never thought it would make me feel like a different person and so disconnected from the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Even after stopping birth control I noticed those symptoms get worse and worse. But also I'd notice that there was more hours during the day id feel myself and felt my brain and heart going back to how I really felt about my soul mate. My main point is. IF YOU SUFFER FROM WHAT IM SUFFERING FROM IT GETS BETTER! Don't throw away your relationship, friendships, school or body care to fall victim to an alternate mindset that isn't you. BC affects everyone differently. My mom was on it for years with no symptoms till the very end when she got sick. My body and mind can barely handle 2 months! If I stayed on it idk what would have happened! Would my depression get worse? Would it get better? Would I lose the love of my life? Would we have better sex? Idk but what I do know is that for my mind and body to heal I had to get off of it! It's scary when you have thoughts that you can't stand and that make you feel like yourself. I'm still working on fixing my mental health day by day with the help of family, friends and my AMAZING boyfriend. Don't be afraid to talk to someone though if you experience what I did. It was definitely the worst part of my life to date that I wouldn't wish on anyone else!

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I decided to write this, still dealing with one of the hardest experiences I have ever endured, but I figured if I could just help one person with my story, this would all be worth going through.. If one person experienced or is experiencing what I did, I want them to know that you are NOT ALONE, it does get better, and to please, just hold on and stay strong. This is my story: I started taking Ortho Tri Cyclen Lo 5 weeks ago. I had taken it from ages 15-17 to regulate my periods, I had some weight gain, always super irritable ( I figured that was part of being a teenager), and that's why I chose to get off of it at 17 years old. This time around, at 21 years old, I felt like I would use the same type of contraceptive (Ortho Tri Cyclen- Lo) because it was familiar to me. The person who I loved and I had just split up, I had started a new job, I just thought it would be a good idea to be on birth control because no matter what, I knew at this time I was in no way, shape, or form ready to bring a baby into this world. I was going in for my yearly check up anyways, so it just worked out! I've never been the anxious type or anything, and I did have a little anxiety off and on, but I just thought it was all of these new life changes. I was always quickly able to reassure myself that I was okay, and the anxiety stopped when I told it to. The first month was pretty smooth, I was loosing weight pretty quickly, my skin felt good, emotionally I will say I was very numb. I thought at the time it was a blessing in disguise, boy was I wrong. There was only one day out of that whole month that I can say I had a bad experience, I got into an argument with my roommate, punched a wall(something I used to think was so childish and immature to do), and then cried my eyes immediately out after I did it because I felt crazy and almost like I blacked out in that moment.. I really wish I would've listened to my mind and body right then and there, but I looked up online about my mood swing and was quickly reassured that it was just my body getting used to the new hormones, and to give it three months before I even think about stopping the pill. I felt fine after my "little" breakdown, and carried on like nothing happened. The first period was light and only three days long. I did have some painful cramping, but it was nothing two Midol pills couldn't handle. Overall, the first month I was pretty pleased with my hormonal contraceptive. Here's where it changes; I had always taken my pill at 1:00 AM to try to sleep off most of the side effects (nausea, headaches, possible irritability) everything was fine up until the day I started my second week of my second pack. I am going to try my best to try and describe exactly how I felt, but just know, this is something I never even knew could happen until it happened to me, this is something that can change your whole entire life. It was like one second I was fine and myself, and the next second I was someone else. I've never been a sad person, I actually consider myself to be pretty optimistic and positive type person. I could hear my heart in my ears, my voice in my head was screaming telling me that something was wrong, to get to a hospital, I really truly felt like I was dying. I tried to tell myself to calm down, and nothing worked. I was experiencing my first ever anxiety attack, at home, for no apparent reason. I finally did some deep breathing and calmed myself down enough to where I could get a grip. Then the depression kicked in, I swear not even 60 seconds later. Instantly, my head was filled with the most negative things about myself (I didn't even know my own brain was capable of generating these kind of awful thoughts), and even worse it was my own voice in my head repeating these thoughts to me over and over. I was so hopeless, I felt like my life had no meaning, the thought of going to work or even leaving my house made me want to curl up into a ball and die.. I will never forget those thoughts for as long as I live. I was HAPPY AND SMILING two minutes before this. It's been four days since those thoughts have started, FOUR miserable, terrifying, just plain awful days. The first day, I just thought I felt the way I did from having too much caffeine, so I went to sleep thinking the next morning I would feel fine. So I took my birth control as normal, and finally went to sleep. I was scheduled for work the next morning, I woke up to the same awful thoughts and had NO energy, I felt like I was going to throw up at every second, and I honestly didn't care about even having a place in this world, I was definitely not going to go to work. I NEVER thought that birth control could do that to you. I'm so glad I started researching the web when I did, because if I didn't know that other people had the same experiences I did, some women almost the exact same experiences, I don't know if I would still be here today. The pain and hopelessness was THAT REAL. I have never been a suicidal person or have even had those kind of thoughts before, I really had my own self convinced that the world would be a better place without me in it and that I had no purpose on this planet. When you just sit there staring at a wall, four days has easily felt like months. Once I started seeing that people were speaking up about depression and being on the pill, I just wanted to stop taking it. I saw lots of posts saying "make sure you talk to your doctor before you stop taking the pill" I'm sorry, but if my doctor gave me this awful drug without discussing any of these possible side effects with me (The nurse and I honestly spoke for a total of three minutes about the method of contraception I wanted), why would I want her opinion as to what I should do next with my body? But, I called anyways, the front desk lady told me I could make an appointment to see the nurse practitioner the next day because they were full that day. What part of "I feel like I am dying" does she not understand? I know I'm not the only person going through this. And if I were to go to the doctors office, I would just be prescribed more medication to make me feel even more unlike myself. I couldn't believe how lightly the situation was being taken, and that's when I decided ON MY OWN to stop taking Ortho Tri Cyclen -Lo on the 9th day of my second pack. I know that isn't the recommended way to go about things, but I know myself and my body. Birth control was the "medication" I was taking. So my thought process was "I feel like this hormone is causing my body to react this way, so I want it out.) I really don't think that continuing to take the pills would do anything beneficial for me. Currently, it has been 67 hours since I have put that hormone into my body. I was hoping that as soon as I stopped taking them, that I would feel like myself again. I was praying for that quick fix just because I wanted this mess to all be over. It was like having the worst sickness you could ever possibly have, but it was all on the inside and no one could possibly understand that feeling unless they've experienced it for themselves. Almost three full days after stopping the pill later, I can't say I feel 100% better yet, but as far as the depression and negative thoughts, that has become way less frequent and I feel a lot more functional mentally. Physically, this is awful. I'm nauseous from the second I wake up until the second I fall asleep, my stomach is a COMPLETE MESS, and for whatever reason, I still don't feel like I can drive my car (I'm afraid of having a panic attack or throwing up while driving, I would never want to endanger innocent people's lives just because I don't currently have a grip on my own). My roommates have forced (and I mean forced!) me to either go on a walk around the block each day, the first three days it was complete hell. I just wanted to be alone in my dark room forever. Today, I was able to leave the house for four hours, but the nausea and stomach issues made it a little too much to handle, and feeling like you're going to throw up in public at any given moment isn't exactly the best help for this newfound anxiety). My biggest fear is that I will never be myself again. But, I'm putting my all into this because depression is a very serious matter that I feel is taken way too lightly in this world. These "doctors and nurses" are handing these pills out to women like CANDY! What's even more troubling, is that these hormones are given to young women as well. I'm half tempted to go stand in front of the clinic with my picket sign I'm so disgusted with how these people are handling contraceptives. Sure, you may be protected from getting pregnant, but I promise you, it's not worth what I just went through and am still dealing with. Now, I'm not saying that hormonal birth control isn't the answer for some people, but for people like myself, this information needs to be out there, too. I had to dig through pages and pages on the Internet to find out that depression/anxiety can be caused from birth control. I had myself convinced that something was wrong with me. I thought it was just all in my head. I wouldn't wish this experience on even my worst enemy, but this experience has given me a voice. I will not be quiet about depression and hormonal contraceptives any longer. If this has happened to you, speak up. I wish I could find the lady's story that she had posted on a forum, because she's really the reason I think I'm still here. It's okay to speak up, tell other women what you're going through. If you're currently going through this, take small steps forward. I don't know what I would've done without my roommates, if I had lived by myself this whole thing could've turned out a whole different way, because all you want to do in a depression is be by yourself. And in a depression, you truly are your own worst enemy. Like I said before, if I give just one person even the slightest bit of reassurance about what they are feeling, I've done my job.
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hi I am going through something similar... I was wondering what you did after you got off birth control that helped you to get better.
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I am going through something very similar as well. I was wondering if you wanted to maybe talk about it?
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Hey there.. I am 17 years old. After being with my boyfriend for almost four months and had already been my first, my family gave me protection right away. I didn't know anything that birth control can do to you. All I knew was it gives you hormones and almost like you're on your period everyday basically. But.. I never knew that it would go so far as to take myself away. Reading these stories for the first time, makes me feel relieved that I'm not the only one. It's been exactly 3 days since I have stopped birth control. But nothing has happened.. I still feel worse. I've been dealing with anxiety, depression after awhile of using birth control. "It takes 3 months to get back to normal" they say. I haven't been back to normal. I'm ruining my relationship, school grades, I'm losing myself. I feel like I've already lost myself. This whole thing is ruining my relationship and that's the worst part that's happening in my life. It evolves around me and my boyfriend. Can you imagine it? How you feel so in love, so happy that tears would run down your eyes knowing that he's the one you want. That he is meant for you. That you both are perfect together, being so comfortable that nothing can ever break us. That he's gonna be the husband of your future life with kids together. I've felt like that.. and suddenly something happens, and that one small that's nothing, makes it into something bigger. My past is haunting me daily. After that I've been in confusing about my own feelings and I was crying everyday thinking to myself "why am I feeling this way?" I feel like my mentality is going crazy having these names repeated so much that it makes me want to rip out my hair. the thing is.. my boyfriend has been through it all with me. He knows it all and I tell him everything. If it weren't for him still being by my side, I wouldn't be myself and would've lost the one person I've been wanting for my whole life. It pains me so much to even treat him like sh*t sometimes cause of my anxiety going crazy that I start thinking too much. TOO MUCH NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. And I've even tried to leave my relationship because I thought that he deserved better. That I don't want to pain him anymore. Thinking what if this never ends? But he never left. He stood by me. He calmed me down and told me that he knows that I love him. That he loves me. And that we've been through bad situations before, and this isn't going to break us up. "You're my wife. I'm gonna marry you one day" is what he says. Those words. Oh god those words are just.. they're making me cry at this moment right now. I've begged and begged my faith to god to let me be happy. I know he's been there for me and he's been through everything for me. Right before even reading this.. I've been feeling horrible the whole day. I've been so negative that I was thinking of breaking up cause I felt like I can't go on like this. I can't go on giving the one person that I want the most give him pain.. but then again my mind is telling me something else as if I don't want him. I went into rage. It's happened before though. I'm being the one person that I never wanted to be. Someone that I hate. I miss my old self. The one who's so happy, and laughing all the time, who's postive, and care about school work. I miss her. I WANT MY OWN SELF BACK AND I WANT TO BE HAPPY. Deep deep down.. inside me.. my real me, is screaming to get out..... damn. I've calmed down after writing all of this. But yeah.. I wish I would've known this before without having to take birth control. But it's too late to regret now. All I just want in my life is to be back to myself.. with my true feelings that's been locked up inside of my depression. So I still have hopes of this.. I'm gonna keep trying and trying. I'm already done with the pills. I just hope this goes well. Good bye.
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Hey there.. I am 17 years old. After being with my boyfriend for almost four months and had already been my first, my family gave me protection right away. I didn't know anything that birth control can do to you. All I knew was it gives you hormones and almost like you're on your period everyday basically. But.. I never knew that it would go so far as to take myself away. Reading these stories for the first time, makes me feel relieved that I'm not the only one. It's been exactly 3 days since I have stopped birth control. But nothing has happened.. I still feel worse. I've been dealing with anxiety, depression after awhile of using birth control. "It takes 3 months to get back to normal" they say. I haven't been back to normal. I'm ruining my relationship, school grades, I'm losing myself. I feel like I've already lost myself. This whole thing is ruining my relationship and that's the worst part that's happening in my life. It evolves around me and my boyfriend. Can you imagine it? How you feel so in love, so happy that tears would run down your eyes knowing that he's the one you want. That he is meant for you. That you both are perfect together, being so comfortable that nothing can ever break us. That he's gonna be the husband of your future life with kids together. I've felt like that.. and suddenly something happens, and that one small that's nothing, makes it into something bigger. My past is haunting me daily. After that I've been in confusing about my own feelings and I was crying everyday thinking to myself "why am I feeling this way?" I feel like my mentality is going crazy having these names repeated so much that it makes me want to rip out my hair. the thing is.. my boyfriend has been through it all with me. He knows it all and I tell him everything. If it weren't for him still being by my side, I wouldn't be myself and would've lost the one person I've been wanting for my whole life. It pains me so much to even treat him like sh*t sometimes cause of my anxiety going crazy that I start thinking too much. TOO MUCH NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. And I've even tried to leave my relationship because I thought that he deserved better. That I don't want to pain him anymore. Thinking what if this never ends? But he never left. He stood by me. He calmed me down and told me that he knows that I love him. That he loves me. And that we've been through bad situations before, and this isn't going to break us up. "You're my wife. I'm gonna marry you one day" is what he says. Those words. Oh god those words are just.. they're making me cry at this moment right now. I've begged and begged my faith to god to let me be happy. I know he's been there for me and he's been through everything for me. Right before even reading this.. I've been feeling horrible the whole day. I've been so negative that I was thinking of breaking up cause I felt like I can't go on like this. I can't go on giving the one person that I want the most give him pain.. but then again my mind is telling me something else as if I don't want him. I went into rage. It's happened before though. I'm being the one person that I never wanted to be. Someone that I hate. I miss my old self. The one who's so happy, and laughing all the time, who's postive, and care about school work. I miss her. I WANT MY OWN SELF BACK AND I WANT TO BE HAPPY. Deep deep down.. inside me.. my real me, is screaming to get out..... damn. I've calmed down after writing all of this. But yeah.. I wish I would've known this before without having to take birth control. But it's too late to regret now. All I just want in my life is to be back to myself.. with my true feelings that's been locked up inside of my depression. So I still have hopes of this.. I'm gonna keep trying and trying. I'm already done with the pills. I just hope this goes well. Good bye.
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Im going through the exact same thing. Wanna talk about it? 

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Hey did you recover?
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Guys, be careful around birth control. It fails 1-10 times and it has been classified by the WHO as a group 1 carcinogen
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Finally somebody just like me I'm 16 and I'm been having the same problem as you, I was on the Implanon up until yesterday and I still feel like this towards my boyfriend, when deep down inside I love this boy with all of my heart. I mean I get im young, but we have been together for 2 years. I feel like something's missing but I know nothing is, I just want my old self back and I want my relationship to go back to normal. I wouldn't recommend anybody ever getting the implanon, it causes depression and anxiety and horrible mood swings.
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Hey did you recover? Im still going through doubts and its really hard.
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Hi, I am a few years older than you but am going through the same thing. I doubt my boyfriends attractiveness, my future with him, everything. Before I stopped apri everything was perfect. How feelings cam vanish like that is beyond me..hang in there.
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Hi all,
Been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years now and stopping birth control has hit me where it hurts. Questioning my future with him even though I used to get so excited about it. Questioning my attraction to him. Even if he does not always look his best (because in reality no one will) I will freak out and assume that our relationship is doomed. If I see another guy who is attractive, I obsess and assume I'd rather be with him, even though in the past id be able to shrug it off and know my boyfriend would be my husband. I feel so different towards him, can't explain it. Like we lost connection or the very glue that made us a team. My mind cycles thinking that I'm with him because I feel bad or that I'm settling. It is horrible.I cry at least once a day, and on a bad day it could be 5x about losing my boyfriend. it will hit me at work too. Also feel superficial too and that has never been me. Just feel like I am doomed and will never return to normalcy. I don't feel too odd saying I love, or doing things for him as I always did. It feels right, just the anxiety comes in and says that these feelings aren't true which again scares me. Just feel pessimistic and occasionally get depressed states. My heart goes out to anyone feeling lost and lonely, unsure if your feelings will ever be the same. It is a constant battle and takes a lot out of me. Talk to your boyfriends, mine was not scared at all and knows that I am going through a lot. Don't give up.
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Hey there, I saw this post and I honestly could not relate more. How long have you been off birth control? I went on Yasmin in February and came off it about 3 weeks later because it was making me depressed and anxious and feel indifferent to my boyfriend of 2 years. I am now about 4 months off and let me tell you it gets better. It truly is the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through. No I'm not better yet but I'm getting close. The love comes back slowly but it does. I just want you to know that SO many women are going through this from such a common little pill. I miss myself, I have never dealt with depression or anxiety. It truly is the pill and our bodies just need time to heal.
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Thank you so much for the reassurance! I am so happy to see this.I got off of it the first week of March 2017, so just hitting the 3 month mark. It is so odd that this is one of the side effects. I am definitely feeling better these days, but like all of his flaws come out now! Like for example, I always like when his hair is cut short and when it gets long and he is in need of a haircut, I literally obsess over him not looking good. Which in turn makes me cry and think the relationship is doomed!! I'm so happy the love is coming back for you! Love has been coming back to me too...but something still feels "odd". I have never experienced depression or anxiety either! I had one week where I was very very very depressed. It was hard for me to even realize I was depressed, but I could not get out of bed, go to the gym, eat and I even wondered how I would keep my job. But then it clicked, I had never felt so much sadness and pain, so it had to be depression or anxiety. Also, have you gotten your period yet? I initially was put on the pill because I worked out way too much ( gyno literally gave me a pill instead of helping me) and surpise, coming off of the pill I still do not have a period. I am wondering if this plays a part... Again thank you so much another sigh of relief. Best of luck!
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