Feelings indifferent towards boyfriend after period ever since coming off birth control

Just want to let you know that this is a VERY common occurence amongst a lot of women who come off of the pill, myself being one of them. It absolutely stinks. I have been off of the pill just shy of 4 months, and the strangeness for me started about 1 month after I stopped. I was with my boyfriend at a soccer game, and all of the sudden I asked myself if I found him attractive. I found this very odd, but at the same time I could not let it go that I thought that about him for the next 3 weeks. Granted, I have been in my relationship for 2.5 years and never thought my boyfriend was attractive 24/7; it just does not work that way. Finally, this thought morphed into "I don't think I love him anymore" and I fell into a week long of depression/ relationship OCD. Was so distraught over the thought of not loving my boyfriend anymore and doubting my future with him. Could not eat, wake up to go to work, workout , study. I contemplated how I would keep my job, and at my job I was nonstop crying, and when I would come home I would cry more and just want to go to sleep.
Fast forward 2 months from now, and I am doing much better but I still struggle a lot. That one "Is he attractive" question morphed into SO MANY fears; I finally realized that this was anxiety and no rational person would think of so many bizarre things. Fear that we will get divorced if we marry or I will fall in love with someone else, fear that I will cheat, fear that we never have fun anymore and that he is not interesting, fear that I am settling, fear that I am too young and should date more people, fear that I may have never loved him, fear that he is not manly enough. The list goes on and on and on, but fortunately, after a lot of research I have been able to dispel some of these fears. They are absolutely bizarre, and before this I never questioned my relationship. I was always just so happy in my boyfriend's company, we never fought or anything. He did not change. Our relationship did not change. Birth control being eliminated out of my life was the only change.
I just started to get my period 3 months after stopping the pill, but I found the anxiety is getting more manageable. I still feel a little weird towards my boyfriend which breaks my heart. I have tried so hard to feel love, but some days I feel complete indifference. Other days I feel like what I feel is love but it either may be on a lower scale, or I am analyzing it way too much to even think if I am feeling love. Now, I am no longer trying to "feel again." I am taking it day by day and realizing that I am healing and should not try to rush things, because that is when disappointment and more crying comes. All I want to do is appreciate the great person he is. Sometimes the intrusive irrational fears try to tell me that there are other guys who are just as great as he is when I know that I never thought those feelings before stopping the pill.
My hormones, and all the other blood tests I took, came back completely fine, but do realize that your body is in a big adjustment period that can take up to a year. Everyone is completely different. I hope I offered you some hope in my story.Just hang on and try to eat right, exercise, spend a lot of time with boyfriend if possible to get support, and get lots of sleep. Believe me, it is a nightmare as it sounds like you discovered. You will be ok. By the way, don't let anyone tell you that if you have these thoughts that "you do not love him". I remember telling my doctor and his nurse and it triggered MORE anxiety for me because they knew nothing about the withdrawal from the pill. So many women have these thoughts and things get a lot better. Best of luck.

Honestly this is the best thing I read so far because it's so similar to my situation! I'm only 18 but have been dating this guy since we were 15 and have been truly in love with him for about 2 years. It completely broke my heart when I started to feel like this because I knew it wasn't the end for us yet, nothing felt right. I got those thoughts when I felt like I would just be bored with him and that there is someone else out there for me. Everything so similar to what you said. When I finally think I am returning to normal I start thinking and going crazy again so honestly, it's an on and off occurrence. I came to a realization that if I really didn't want this relationship anymore it wouldn't be causing me so much anxiety and I wouldn't think about it constantly. There are times when I look at him and he's all I want in life but there are other times when I see nothing in him and I don't see any type of future. I feel like this process is just so long which makes it hard to have hope. Thank you so much, it truly helped. I wish you the best, it will get better for the both of us and we will be super happy with our boys again!!!! Lol

I'm glad to offer you comfort. It is a constant struggle. I also think that I am depressed but am able to function. Anytime I am stressed, I start having a crying spell and then that triggers the relationship anxiety. Oddly enough, I feel this way but don't want to push him away at all. Like when I have this anxiety, I just want to be with him to feel better.so weird, makes no sense. Thanks so much! I hope so much. Thanks for the reassurance!

I get the same way. Before I was even on birth control I could go days without seeing him and having a perfect relationship but now I feel as if I need to see him all the time to be happy or else I think crazy things. When I'm with him I'm fine and I know I love him but the thoughts are still always in the back of my mind. I would never let this ruin my relationship though because it's stupid!!!!!!

I also feel like if we aren't doing something I'll be bored. Before I started birth control I could literally lay in bed with him for days and be happy but now I feel like if we aren't doing something or don't have anything exciting coming up in the future that I will be bored.

Yes- I know exactly what you mean. I could go days without seeing him and miss him so much, but not once did I ever doubt my relationship. I feel the exact same way about the bored stuff! We used to be able to hang all the time and just watch tv. We would go out from time to time, but I never cared about staying in with him. I was just happy with him. Now, all my mind thinks about is if I will be bored when I hang out with him and that if we get married my marriage will be super boring. Granted, I was bored with him sometimes, but I don't know why my mind makes it seem like boredom is forever? It gets me really annoyed,but I found that when I am just by myself on a weekend home just doing chores, e.t.c the boring mindset kicks in too! Overall, I feel like my mindset is that everything in my life is boring now. Being home on a weekend is a problem.

It just really bothers me that it makes me feel like "How could I loved him the past 2 years." it drives me crazy because I know I was not faking anything, or thinking that I was settling. I used to think that he was such a smart guy, and now, I even contemplate his intellect! Overall, I feel like whatever has taken over my body has made me a very superficial person. I don't like it at all. I am 24; I never really liked partying or drinking at all; I have always been more concerned about my next workout. However, I now find that my love for fitness has diminished greatly. My mind also says that maybe I should go out and drink. I tried going out with friends last weekend, and I literally started crying in the bar. I have no idea if it was alcohol, or it was because every time I see an attractive male now I freak out that I don't love my boyfriend. I used to be able to brush off attractive guys easily because I knew I had my boyfriend and he was all I wanted. Now, I just feel horrible. I used to be able to have fun with friends and just go out for a quick drink, that was fun enough for me. and fun enough to not call my life ever boring.

Side note, look up "conscious transitions" and Sherly Paul. It is absolutely insane how much she is able to relate to people that go through relationship anxiety or any of the feelings that we are identifying with. Her blog posts, as well as other people's comments have helped me tremendously in the past few months.

It's crazy how similar our situations are but it's great to know that it's normal and someone feels the same(although I would never wish this on anyone). Overall, I think it's just sad to feel this way towards someone I was so in love with. Luckily it sounds like we both have supportive boyfriends who understand what we are dealing with. I think the hardest thing is just the wait to get better because it feels like it will never be the same! The same thing is happening to me with the other guys as well. It's extremely natural to find other guys attractive but I used to be able to just brush it off because I never wanted anything else. Now, I think about it way to much and it drives me insane. I find it odd how I just always feel like I'm going to be bored with him and that our future will be boring together. I feel miserable if I know I'm not going to see him for a few days yet, I used to obviously miss him but be able to deal with it and be comfortable just siting home and relaxing alone. We are both young therefore I think we both have the fear of being too young to spend the rest of our lives with this person even though we know that's what we want. I know I adore him and love him but it just doesn't feel like I'm completely in love anymore and that drives me insane.

I know what you mean. It literally is the biggest relief when you realize that you are not the only person going through this. At the same time, I have said all the time I wish that no one go through this.The wait is horrible. It almost is like an insecurity thing to be honest. Like I am almost not sure of myself. I drive myself insane with the other guy things too. Like I am almost afraid to go out because I will fall for someone else. It feels like I am not in love too. Like we are friends! But no matter how I feel I completely agree with you. No reason to end a relationship over this. Although I can't realize it now, but my boyfriend is so great. loving kind caring, smart and sweet. Your boyfriend sounds the same. How could anyone not want that in a person? It almost feels like my brain has returned to a younger, stupider mindset.

Another thing I liked to read, was that this anxiety develops because you (I say you as in anyone going through this) has something so good in life (their relationship) that the anxiety is a way of trying to protect you from ever getting hurt if you ever lost that thing in life. So, basically, our fears are depicted by anxiety. Your brain tries to make the person you love look like they are not right for you, and fear masks your true feelings. So, when you experience these feelings, the idea is you break up with the person so you don't have to ever get hurt.

Before this, I always had fears that boyfriend would get taken away from me (like die) but nothing on an anxiety level. It was more of thinking, I love him so much and he makes me happy, so I am going to enjoy every second with him and never take advantage of the time I spend.

I get annoyed when people suggests "maybe you are getting out of the honeymoon stage." I beg to differ. This is a completely different feeling.

I hate talking to anyone about it because they all just tell me the same thing. They say it's normal to fall out of love and maybe I just don't want the relationship anymore but, that's not the case. I think what we are going through is completely hormonal and we will be okay! It also makes it better if I just don't think about the future and take everything day by day.

Aw. That's why I stopped telling people unless they are receptive. I think and hope so too. Yes . 100% I found that thinking about the future is really bad too. I take everything day by day and try not to think about my feelings. That is what anxiety is, makes you so afraid of things that did not even happen.

I have a friend that is going to be a psychiatric nurse. I initially told her about this and she told me that when she broke up with her girlfriend in the past, she also was really upset about it and dwelled a lot on it. She told me that I should just wait on it because that is typical, to fall out of of love. Then, very coincidentally, during her period next, she got anxiety and the symptoms were exactly what we feel . She then told me she knew exactly how I felt and was very sorry that she had no idea what I initially felt. I can't tell you how fast she was to get an appointment with anyone .people don't understand.

Just re read or conversation because I've been having a couple of bad days. Just realized that you spoke about the week long depression about feeling this way towards your boyfriend and the same happened to me. I hungout with my boyfriend yesterday and was fine but just felt blah about the whole thing just because I had the thoughts in my head. But, when I look at him it makes so sad to feel like that towards him. Was wondering if it's normal to have felt like this for this long. I never started my pack in may and I've been off it ever since. I wasn't on it for a long time only a few months so idk why I would get these withdrawal symptoms so bad.

Also, my periods aren't back to normal yet, or at least the way they used to be before the pill. I used to have almost 40 days between my cycles because I was super super late everytime and that's one of the reasons I began taking birth control. Now, I get my period on a normal cycle even after stopping the pill. Also, I used to get really bad cramps and was able to feel when my period was coming almost a week before it actually came! Now, I have no sings that it's coming and barely get any cramps. That makes no sense to me since I'm off the pill.

Yes. This first started out as week long depression along with bad ocd and just constant crying and negative thinking. I know what you mean about feeling sad about not feeling the same. Now that the ocd has calmed down I'm able to ignore the thoughts a lot more, but I get sad and cry so hard sometimes.

Everyone's body is different. I was on it for 2 years and never had a bad symptom, just got like this when I quit. I know it's hard to wonder why these symptoms won't let up. I've been able to accept these thoughts and it's much easier to believe that they will eventually lift.


I think the periods won't balance out for a while to match "you".. I just got mine , last month, so it took 3 months for me to get it. I read that it took a year for some people. Unfortunately I realize it will be a long road. :(

The hardest is just realizing it's from coming off the pill. although I found various sources as well as people who feel the same way it's hard to believe that it will ever get better considering the feeling is very strong. I just find it bizarre that this isn't how I actually feel???