So here is my whole story. It started two months before my 14th birthday. I saw a transvestite porno and got an erection. I was confused because I had never thought trannies were attractive before. I started to question whether i was gay or not and then all these gay thoughts and images started to come up in my head. I didn't know what this meant and got scared by it. I actually thought I was turning gay and Im still worried about it. The thing is i never liked a boy in my life and still dont. I've only ever been attracted to girls. When this happened i stopped doing alot of things because I thought they were only contributing to my problem. I had to start watching gay porn to see if I was actually attracted to it. Whenever I watch it, it alway grosses me out and i never find it attractive. I dont even get erections from it and even thinking about it gets me uncomfortable. When I watch lesbian porn I always get an erection and it usually within 30 seconds of watching. I would watch 5 gay pornos for 3 minutes each and still not get an erection. Overall, it just feels right watching lesbian porn and not gay porn. Still im worried that im not straight. At school I feel uncomfortable around some of the boys. Its not that I like them because whenever I try to think of being in a relationship with a dude I always get uncomfortable. I can only see myself being friends with a dude and could never see myself marrying, dating,or even kissing a dude. Its just the fear that I might like them that has me acting like this. Whenever I think of being with a girl, I always think of ridiculous ways for them to end up with me. I've even gotten erections from thinking about holding hands with girls. I feel that this should prove that I'm straight but the thing is I've never had a girlfriend before. I've never even kissed a girl. Right now I like atleast 10 girls at my school and I really want to go up and talk to them but its hard for me to talk to girls. This is probably because of how many times I've been rejected by girls. Its been hard for me but I still try. Still i feel that maybe I waited too long to get a girlfriend and maybe this is why I'm having these thounghts. I read in a article that these thoughts are because of puberty and that they'll go away soon but im not sure. I just hope it really is just puberty because I honestly dont find men attractive. I only like girls and hope it stays that way. Thank you to any one who reads this and sorry for any grammar issues or for the question being too long I had alot to get off my chest.
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Hi Jay. During puberty frequent erections happen and watching a transvestite porno and getting an erection does not mean your gay. As far as watching gay porn and not getting an erection it seems you are so focused on proving to yourself that your not gay it wouldn't matter. You are just having some thoughts and no doubt curiosities about the same sex. Non of this will turn you gay no one just decides that they will be gay your sexuality is predetermined. For some the biggest issue is coming to terms with it and it does sound like you would really struggle with being gay if you were.
It does sound like your attraction is towards females and it also sounds like that you are working really hard to dismiss any attraction or curiosity that you have towards guys.
Being uncomfortable around some of the boys at your school is there any chance that happens because there is just a bit of unwanted attraction that happens when you see certain guys at your school?
Please don't get offended from this reply I am not saying your gay but it does sound like you are going to great lengths to convince yourself your straight and dismiss any thought about being gay that you have.
Discovering your sexuality is part of puberty along with curiosities towards both sexes. I really think your looking into this way to deep you have not waited to long to date your first girl if you wait another five years it will not turn you gay. If you think about guys occasionally and find them attractive that will not turn you gay and there is no need to justify or dismiss any of these thoughts or attractions that you have towards girls or guys it is all part of discovering who you are.
Cutting out the porn may help reduce some of the thoughts you have that your not comfortable with Jay.
Relax be yourself your the only one that can figure out your sexuality.
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Try not to worry when you have these thoughts Jay and you don't have find ways to dismiss them. Stressing and worrying about it won't change anything guys can have lots of curiosities and strange thoughts about both sexes during puberty.
Just be yourself and one day the doubts you have will be sorted.
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As you begin puberty, it makes a lot of sense that your sexual thoughts might focus on other boys or males. Ask yourself -- up to this point, what gender do you know best? And what sex are you most familiar with, now that you are seeing them sexually?
Your own body is your first "playground", and you are most likely to find that other boys are more willing to experiment and experience things sexual with you, because you're all kind of in the same boat. Unless it's somebody's sister, you are much more likely to see other boys naked, maybe even erect; and you're sure to get to know your own equipment (and by sight, theirs) first, right? Combine this "availability" with the burgeoning desire for closeness, intimacy and love, and you have a recipe for placing all those desires on another boy or boys. I know I did.
Your mind and your psyche will sort it out in time, and perhaps you will settle on one gender preference, or maybe you won't. Try not to worry about it all too much. Before you know it, the frantic, questioning mysteries of puberty will be behind you. Try to enjoy exploring all the things others can make you feel -- boys or girls -- same gender or not. Sex is one of the most wonderful and terrifying things we've been given as human beings ... don't second-guess it too much, you might just miss it!
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