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i am a 15 year old male and have always loved and wanted to have sex with girls. Now all of a sudden about 2 months ago i started to think what if im gay. when i go out i see other men and i try to imagine myself with them, same thing with girls. i am very depressed all the time. i used to be turned on by girls and  now nothing dont feel a thing. Can you suddenely turn gay out of no where or was my whole past a lie. I used to have sex with a guy a few times. I kinda enjoyed it but at the same time i didnt. The last time was maybe last year and i stopped in the middle of it and went home it felt wrong and awkward. So ive been avoiding him. i didnt think i was gay while i was having sex with him either. And the only other thing i used to do was wonder how big other guys were because i was afraid of my own size. i am really scared. And at times i can imagine myself with a girl and other times with a guy. its weird and very confusing. I want a family really badly but im also scared i want get an erection when i have sex with a girl and im scared i wont enjoy it. And it is also pushing me to do things i would never do. Like i shoved a few things up my but and it hurt and i peed on the floor and there was poop everywhere. i tryed to watch gay porn and i didnt really enjoy it at all. i didnt get erected to it either. And when i was having sex with this guy i couldnt get an erection most of the time and it took him like 10 minutes to get mine up. And the only time i ever got an erection was when we were watching straight porn. I even stopped watching straight porn and watched only lesbian or just looked at pictures because i didnt like the sight of another penis. I never had feelings for guys and am always nervous around cute girls. I also keep testing myself to see if im gay or straight. And now its trying to make me watch gay porn to see if i like it and im afraid ill get an erction or something. It is literally tearing me apart. I am also home schooled and when i was in school i had feelings for 2 girls. I even asked out this one girl once i was so nervous and it is during what i am going through. To be honest i asked her out only to prove that i was straight but it didnt help. i cant have good times when i go out and terrafied of this. And it is also say i like gay things and now its trying to get me to talk gay and stuff. And its saying i want to be gay when really i dont. Whenever i was out i used to stare at girls in bikinis i used to just stare at girls asses and now nothing. And now i keep thinking of my past and wondering if it all was a lie. As i said i am home schooled and its kinda lonesome. But i enjoy being home schooled. I told myself im bisexual and ill move the bar over toward gay or straight as i get older. it calmes me down sometimes but not much. i also came close to meeting a girl from a porn site and f*****g her to see if i like it. I told my grandparents about this because they are my legal guardians and now we are going to see a therapist. I aslo read that alot of boys are going through this too. i just want it to stop. I always imagined myself with a family and always talked never a man. i always said that i would spoil my children i would love them and how i didnt want them to turn out like  my sister who are very obnoxious. For the two past monthes its been the only thing on my mind its its very hard. i am also known to get very scared over other things like the world ending what will happen in the future and my grandparents dying. i sleep well though and do my school work. Today i went to a neurologist for headaches and a very sexy girl was my docter. When she came close to me to check my eyes i got nervous and felt good. But it keeps telling me i didnt like it it didnt feel good. Very deep down i know im straight but i dont know anymore. It also takes forever to have an orgasm but if this was 4-5 monthes ago i would almost instantly to a girl. It also keeps telling me i liked to put the thing up my butt and i love men but i dont. i find muscular bodies a little attractive but i think its more jealousy then attractiveness.I also really want to have sex with a girl to see what it feels like to see if i like it but i kinda want to wait till i get married.When i think of both guys or girls naked and having sex with them i get very nervous and feel nauseous. PLEASE IF ANYONE CAN HELP ASAP THAT WOULD BE GREAT .

 

P.S. sorry for all the typos and bad grammar. I dont take typing as serious as writing.

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Reading this my heart goes out to you, because I was 15 and extremely sexually confused too. I am female and turned out to be bisexual and now am pretty well adjusted. Even though my attraction to both sexes changes (sometimes I will go months and months without being attracted to one sex) I know that ultimately in the long-term I'm bisexual, and that allows me some peace because I know I never have to change my position I can just love and have sex with whoever I want. :-P

One reason you are so confused is because you are obsessing, and obsessing makes us confused. Keep in mind that the anxiety is usually worse than the problem itself. It's like we can't feel connected and natural and relaxed about things because we are so worried and panicked about the outcome and what it all means. I TOTALLY understand your desire to do this - to define what you are, and understand what you are attracted to. Sometimes I would get depressed and go for months without being attracted to ANYONE. But eventually this passed and now my sexuality is more consistent. It may take a few years though...

In the meantime, there's some things you can do to help yourself feel more comfortable with sexual expression:

1. Just forget about dating or sex for the moment, because it will take the pressure off

2. Don't analyze the past and your former attractions because everything is evolving and changing and that's ok

3. If you can, just take pleasure in finding really good ways to masturbate - focus the pleasure on yourself and what turns you on instead of other people 

4. Let yourself be open-minded..both men and women are sexy and so what if you appreciate them both. open-minded is pretty hot  :-)  

5. Find some friends that won't judge you either way.

I'm glad you are seeing a therapist and that you feel you could talk to your grandparents about needing to talk to someone. That's super brave of you and it's brave of you to post all of this stuff here. Do you still enjoy being homeschooled? I ask because maybe it's time to consider going to a regular school and meeting a wider network of people. It will really help with your anxiety if you can make some friends and feel a little more normal maybe? Personally I am prone to anxiety so if I were in your position it would make me feel very isolated. But the truth is you are not alone at all...a lot of people are dealing with this stuff in high school.

 

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Thank you it kinda helped but if the therapist gives me some pills should i take them or not. Also could it be hormones too? I also do enjoy being home schooled. I kinda want to quit masturbating and watching porn and stuff i just want to quit that all together and its really hard. Thank you very much for your help i will try and take your advise.

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If you are having panic attacks or really dark thoughts, you may need to go on medication. But if you think you can deal with your anxiety in other ways, try and find some alternatives with your therapist before taking pills. It can definitely be hormones...everything feels so mixed up for your right now. Don't beat yourself up if you still look at porn, it's not the worst thing. The most important thing is that you get your anxiety under control (sounds like you are worried about more than just your sexuality) and then the other things will fall into place. Make sure you find some open-minded friends too, who won't freak out if they know a little bit about your situation.

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Yeah i am going to a therapist sometime this week i think or next. The other thing is ive gotten to the point where i am almost convinced i am gay. I find the thoughts weird but i force myself to say oh hes sexy i like that but i dont. The only thing i have to go on is that when i think of a girl im a little happier and i get erections but when i think of a guy it goes up a little then goes straight down. In the beginning i was scared out of my mind but when i started to read about how other people are going through the same thing  it calmed me down for a day then it started to think of their symptoms and compared it to mine. to me it fit just right but to whatever this is it denied it and makes me think that im not scared of it anymore. The straight side of me is like being taken over. It is very hard to fight it so i try to give in. I started to try and act gay and think of the future with a guy. It forces me to think i like it say oh yeah thats what i want but i almost throw to the fact i am with a guy. 24/7 this is all i think. 

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This might sound different, but do you work out? Try going into a work out regimen. That will clear your mind a bit. It will also increase your testosterone Levels as well as other chemicals in your body. As for your sexuality itself, you will learn more about you and your body as you go along. If you are straight, then you are. If you are gay, so be it (by the way, there is no "acting gay"), and if you are bi, then you. For the record, in the animal kingdom, makes and females have sexual intercourse with each other. It's part of their evolution. Humans are are the only specie that has labels for it. So relax, buddy. Just be yourself and enjoy whatever feels right at the moment. Don't over think it. Enjoy it an be you, yah?
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When you said "But it keeps telling me I didn't like it" and "It also keeps telling me I liked to put things up my butt and I love men..." who is "it"?
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I know this is past due, but as someone who suffered from HOCD for a while, I knew thats what it was as soon as I read the first two sentances of your post!!

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Im 13 and a girl but I get you my mom is not pro or anti gay but for a period of time I thought I was and honestly I was scared I felt like a dumb freak and I lapsed into a deep depression which.seemed like so much for me to carry.i was stil a kid for petes sake than I got into middle school and met gay guys and girls and bi sexual people and I realized that who I am and there is no changing that
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It personally sounds like HOCD to me, but that doesn't mean things cannot change in a future setting. How many friends do you have that are guys? You may be just missing a same-sex friendship that is not currently in your life. I had friends that were guys, and I didn't have any attraction to them. However, another guy I knew, I was attracted to him. I learned in this way I was bisexual. I am turned on by guys getting naked around me. I've always wanted to look AND go further. If you have a guy that you would find attractive in the back of your mind, but there is no erection, that means you probably aren't gay. But life is a journey, things can change. You are still young.

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i am 14 years old and i had the same problem at age12 but no i am an official gay guy also it helps if you confess to all your close friends if they'er really your friends they will still accept you for who you are and it won't change a thing
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