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Hello, I’m 17 and still in secondary school(High school) and college is getting closer and I’m getting nervous, as I know party’s, girlfriends, sex and all that, but there’s one thing I’m confused and not sure if I’m straight?!? I want to be straight or even bi but I don’t want to be gay, nothing wrong with being gay but when I’m older I want a wife and kids and I’m afraid that’s not going to happen if I’m just gay, I’m obviously sexually attracted to men and all that, I’ve known since I was 11 but only recently have I started to take slight interest in girls, like out of 100 girls I’d say only 5 look attractive to me where if I saw 100 men I’d be attracted straight away just because they’re men and I don’t want that, I have had a girlfriend 3 years ago but it didn’t last as I was to nervous to even kiss or even hold hands, im a wreck basically, I masturbate to men as if i try masterbate to girls I just dont feel anything like not attracted, if I think about men I get erected but if I think about girls there’s no reaction, so recently I’ve tried to stop masterbating to men and start with girls, the first time I tried didnt last 5 minutes didn’t feel anything no reaction or nothing, second time I masterbated for 20 minutes yes 20 minutes nothing happened so today I tried again and it took 30 min to ejaculate but good news!!! I finally ejaculated to a girl and not a boy, was really happy so in a few days I’m going to try again, if I masterbate to males then I only last at least 3 min until cuming, so 30 minutes is a long time and sorta seems forced, can anyone help me with my confused situation?? Like advise??


Hi stepho

Your the only one that truly knows your sexuality and from your post it sounds like you figured it out when you were 11.
Your sexuality is something that can't be changed you can hope for it and live in denial and live your entire life pretending to be straight.

Just wondering if your recent slight attraction to girls is more that your hoping that you can become attracted to them and kind of doing what you feel is expected of you.

Believe me if you are gay there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay.
It can be hard to come to terms with being gay and often the expectations of others and what is considered normal influences what a person thinks they should be like.

If you are gay you can have a partner and you can have kids along with having a same sex marriage.

You might benefit a great deal from checking into what LGBT support services are in your area or at your school.

The relationship you had with that girl sounds like it was very awkward for you have you had any relationships with guys yet?

I think if not already one day you will know without any doubt what your sexuality is and hopefully you will be able to dismiss what you think others or yourself would prefer that you are.

If your gay working on accepting yourself just the way you are would help you much more than trying to hide your sexuality or pretending that you are changing it.

Like you said in your post there is nothing wrong with being gay and if you are gay that applies to you as well.

You could also talk to your school counselor or check into seeing a counselor outside of your school.
Your getting nervous about college is understandable just wondering if your focusing on what you feel is expected and considered normal behaviors but the parties the relationships and all that happens among the LGBT college students as well.

It may help you just to focus on being yourself don't worry about what others will think or what you think others would want you to be.


Hi Guest I created an account to follow up on notifications, I have heard stories of men actually living their entire lives, have a wife and kids but they’re actually gay, I personally don’t want to be really,yes the relationship with a girl was very awkward, no relationship with a guy and I don’t see one happening, I know I shouldn’t be forcing anything and should just accept who I am but I just don’t want to be, hopefully it will sort itself out, also would like to add that my fathers side is old fashioned catholic family and they don’t support gays, my father even told me I better not be gay, also know of one openly gay friend that’s it out honestly thousands of people I met, I’m not afraid to be gay or anything either, thanks so much for the reply!


In the end you have to do what you feel is best for you.
Your right there are lots of guys that live their entire lives living a lie and playing the straight game and have a wife and kids.

A life built on lies and attempting to deceive others must be difficult and so unfair for everyone in the family.
It is unfortunate your dad feels that way about being gay no doubt a remark like that has had an impact on you.
Hopefully the only thing you took from your dad saying, you better not be gay was that you would never say that to anyone in your life.

It's great your not afraid to be gay but it does sound like your really not comfortable with it.
It may help you just to try and stop worrying about labeling yourself or attempting to change yourself.

Focus on school and just being yourself no one needs to know about the attraction you have for guys.
If the day does come that you decide otherwise then you can explore the feelings you have.

For most people they end up meeting the person that they know is absolutely right for them and it really shouldn't matter if they are the same sex.

Hopefully things workout for you the way you want them to.


Thanks so much for your help! :)


Your welcome.
Not sure if it was much help but maybe just getting a different point of view gave you some things to consider.

Hope everything works out well for you.