I love my boyfriend, we've been together for nearly a year and he's had some issues getting and staying hard. It frustrates me sooo much and I've tried talking to him about it, but he says it just puts more pressure on him. I can understand that he gets pressured, but I feel pressured sometimes too when we haven't had sex for a while and I have no idea what is going on in his head, what he is thinking, or what I can do to maybe help him.
I've tried being patient, I either don't say anything or reassure him when he has issues, I've tried other things to help him relax, and it's gotten to the point where I don't dress up for him anymore because I don't know if he'll be "in the mood," and I can't stand the rejection if he isn't.
But I wish he would just TALK to me about it, so I know what's going on! I feel so disconnected and I honestly can't imagine how it's possible for our relationship to continue if he doesn't talk to me about it. He knows it frustrates me and he knows how important it is to me that we talk about it, so what am I supposed to do?
I've tried being patient, I either don't say anything or reassure him when he has issues, I've tried other things to help him relax, and it's gotten to the point where I don't dress up for him anymore because I don't know if he'll be "in the mood," and I can't stand the rejection if he isn't.
But I wish he would just TALK to me about it, so I know what's going on! I feel so disconnected and I honestly can't imagine how it's possible for our relationship to continue if he doesn't talk to me about it. He knows it frustrates me and he knows how important it is to me that we talk about it, so what am I supposed to do?
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Hi guest,
Your boyfriend is acting like a guy. We tend to not want to talk about things and keep it inside. Especially when it is a problem about sex.
Yes, talking about it does put pressure on him, he's embarrassed that this is happening.
You don't say how old your boyfriend is or what the exact problems are, please fill us in. Maybe we can offer some suggestions.
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My boyfriend is 29, and he has issues with getting or staying hard. Many times if he does get hard, he goes soft during sex. I try some things to help him along but it usually doesn't work.
When he does open up about it, I don't really get any answers. I ask him if there's anything specific that I can do to help him on, but he says no. I ask him if he's stressed, he says no...if it's painful, or if there was something I did that turned him off..no, and no. He can't pinpoint it.
We've recently gone through several periods of him just not being in the mood at all...and it gets me frustrated because I feel like there's nothing I can do to set the mood or to turn him on...and even if there is, he won't tell me, so of course I feel unattractive and questions run through my head as to what's going on, because he won't talk to me about it.
Help :(
When he does open up about it, I don't really get any answers. I ask him if there's anything specific that I can do to help him on, but he says no. I ask him if he's stressed, he says no...if it's painful, or if there was something I did that turned him off..no, and no. He can't pinpoint it.
We've recently gone through several periods of him just not being in the mood at all...and it gets me frustrated because I feel like there's nothing I can do to set the mood or to turn him on...and even if there is, he won't tell me, so of course I feel unattractive and questions run through my head as to what's going on, because he won't talk to me about it.
Help :(
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What is his physical condition? Is he fairly fit? When he is erect, is it "firm." Is he on any medications? Has he had a physical exam lately?
It is not uncommon to go "soft" during sex. Usually it is only a temporary situation.
It is important to rule out any physical causes.
Stress or anxiety can play a role in performance problems. He may not even know what the trouble is. Is there something bothering him, either at work or at home? Is he concerned about possible pregnancy?
This is not your fault in any way. It is not a matter of you being unattractive. If it is not physical then he needs to identify what is bothering him.
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If you have been with your boy for that long and he wont talk about some things then yall have some issues. My boyfriend is comfortable enough to put in my tampon when my fingers were slipping on it...
You two need to get comfortable or you will always have issues with eachother..
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Please leave him alone and let him sort out his problems. He should be aware of it and should be seeking help. Some times, guys don't want to talk about such things because it hurts their ego.
There are ways to resolve these temporary weakness in erection hardness. Please confident that he will find a way round it soon :)
There are ways to resolve these temporary weakness in erection hardness. Please confident that he will find a way round it soon :)
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