Couldn't find what you looking for?

TRY OUR SEARCH!

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. I knew from day one he had a drinking poblem. I was still attracted to him and wanted to get to know the real him. Once i got to know the real him (the sober him) we fell in love. We were together for 4 months before getting an apartment together. He had been sober for 3 and a half months before. Once we moved in together he started drinking heavily again. From that moment on he has gradually gotten worse. Its an on and off cycle. Seems like its never ending. we renewed our lease and continue living together even though our problems continued. I think i was trying to convince myself that he will get better. he will realize what hes doing to himself and the people that care about him. Just recently he lost his job. Due to what he says was panic attacks and drinking. A month later he got a new job but only held onto it for about 2 weeks then stopped going. Due to panic attacks and drinking again. I know there must be some underlying problem to make him drink and make him act the way he does when he drinks. When he drinks he is rude, mean, and a complete jerk. Another big issue of his when he drinks is that he talks to other girls. Mainly girls from his past that he may or may not have had a relationship with. He texts them saying "i love you" and "i wanna be with you" and "wanna F***" over and over. We talk about it all the time. How it hurts me and that i dont like it. He says he knows that he wont do it and doesnt mean it. Yet it keeps happening over and over. His family knows that he has a drinking problem, but they can only do so much. He tried to see a psychologist but missed a trial appointment and couldnt get into their program. so he just stopped looking for more help. He doesnt go to AA meetings and i have said i would go with if he wanted and i would help him get help. One minute he says he wants the help then next he is drunk and doesnt. Im on an emotional rollercoaster all the time. i cry and get angry and he doesnt seem to care. he says he loves me... but seems like he likes his booze more.. i love him (the sober him) but i HATE the drunk him. i dont know what to do. i try and try and try but nothing changes. im concidering leaving him but im afraid he will get worse then too and that i would miss him terribly and be even more miserable. my life is screwed up on our screwed up days. but i just want US to be happy again. the fun and excitment it gone. im sad and just want LOVE! what should i do? can anyone relate? I feel so alone in all this... i want help! i want to stop crying... any advice is good... thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

Loading...

i totally can relate i live with an alcoholic myselfand i deal with this on a daily basis ..im with him for 6 yrs, and let me tell u it never gets better..its soo hard and draining..they will only get help if they want it and they dont care about anyone elsebut themselves...im going thru what ur going thru ..i definately cant give u advice but im going to an AL-ANON meeting this weekennd hopefully it will help..u should look it up online see what u can find..a couple things i did learn from it...
its a disease
they need to hit rockbottom before they can get help n change
they need to want to change
they r selfish
they have no feelings
they want to cover and mask their problems thats why they drink
they cant love u if they dont love themselves (and he doesnt love himself)
Reply

Loading...

I can relate, my boyfriend and i have been together for a 2yrs now, i knew he liked to drink when we first got together but i didnt realize at the time it was as bad as it was, he was on unemployment and from the time he woke up to the time he went to bed he drank when i asked him why he drank the way he did he would tell me because he could be with his child everyday and was depressed, but after living with him for 3 mths i began to notice even when he did have his kid he still drank like a fish, hes back to work now and things seem to be better, he gets up in the morning makes coffee goes to work but the second he gets home he has a beer in hand, i am beyond out of my mind, his ex is trying to get soul custody of there kid an at the rate its going it looks like shes gunna win, i am concerned that if she does his drinking is going to be worse, im at my wits end so i can completly agree and understand what your going thru, im at a total loss myself, i want to leave because of the drinking, but i dont because im afraid it will get worse if i do leave and i love him with everything, wish you luck hope everything gets better for you
Reply

Loading...

Hi, I'm also living with an alcoholic partner and its got so much now I've had enough.

I never really noticed his drinking when we first got together, suppose I just ignored it. Then just after we moved in together his drinking got stupidly out of hand.
This was 2 years ago, and time after time he's said he would stop but I've been let down.

He's never been violent or abusive towards me, its just the fact that he's only 24 and killing himself!!

Its now got to the point where he's on sick from work, I have all his bank cards, and he goes into a depressive state every evening.

Although I love him, I'm drained! I'm 23 and feel like my life is slipping by because I have to keep an eye on him. My social life doesn't exist, and I want some fun, happy times to look back on.
Reply

Loading...

I can also relate, when I first met my now ex, we were young, it was summer and the drinking just seemed to be social. We moved in together a year later to a place that was in walking distance of quite a few bars, making it a lot easier for him to drink and not worry about having to drive home. The first year, every weekend was torture, especially because I do not drink, so he would end up just going out without me and came home and could barely walk. He would get upset with himself and say over and over he wanted to stop drinking. It seemed like he had taken some control and was doing good for a few months so we renewed our lease. However, the same thing started up again, even if he didn't go out every weekend, whenever he did he would come home blackout drunk and instead of saying he wanted to change he turned it on me saying that it wasnt like he drank everyday all day and he didnt go out every weekend anymore. He didn't understand that there are different types of alcoholics...not just the ones that have vodka in their coffee mugs every morning.

A few months ago he left me, saying one of the reasons was that he wanted to get his life in order, and in particular, stop the drinking. Since he's been gone, I've heard from mutual friends that he has been drinking more. Its so hard to hear because his parents don't even seem to care or try to help him. I don't think he really knows the reason he drinks and its hard to accept but HE has to want to change no matter how supportive I tried to be, I've had to realize that he just doesn't want the help. To be honest, I think the real reason he left was becaues he didn't want to hear me yell at him for his drinking anymore, and now he can really do whatever he wants without consequences on my end.

Take care of YOURSELF first.
Reply

Loading...

I have been with my partner for three years now, a year or so after we had been to gether I noticed that he could not only have "a couple of beers" and he was sometimes abusive towards me when he was intoxicated. A year and a half ago he met our neighbour who is a beauitful man with a lovely family, he however is an alcoholic who drinks everynight. My parnter is very close to him now, however this means hes drinking heavily atleast 4 times a week and he can not stop after half a dozen or a dozen beers. He then is quite often violent with me if we argue. He also gets agitated if I talk to him about his new drinking habit and, he usually apoligiges the next day if hes been really mean but Im starting to think the apoligie is said simply to get me off his back. Im living in a fooriegn country so do not have friends to talk to over here, Im scared about the futuer and what it may bring, I dont know how to stop his drinking now before it is to late, we are suppossed to be getting married in 6 months!! can anyone please give me some advice.....i would be so grateful.
Reply

Loading...

I too have an alcoholic boyfriend. We've been together for almost 10 yrs now, and it seems to be an on and off type of deal. He didn't drink at all for a few years, and that was wonderful. I guess it's been maybe a year now that he's gotten back into it. He's been drinking every weekend lately, and it really hurts me that he wants to do that every single weekend when that's really the only time we have off work. My boyfriend tends to be very smart-mouthed, defensive, threatening, and sometimes abusive when he has any amount of alcohol in him. And those traits are why I really want him to stop drinking all together again. Some people are fine when drinking, and others are not...he falls into the second category.

The sad part is that drinking is what killed his dad, and somehow he seems to have that "it won't happen to me" mentality about it. I do understand that alcoholism can be hereditary, but I also believe it's something you can beat. My boyfriend's brother drank very heavily for many years, and a few years ago he dropped it 100%, and it was long before their father died. He made a good choice in his life, for himself and the sake of his wife and son. My father was an alcoholic my entire life, and still is. That is probably why I choose not to drink. I've seen the damage it can do firsthand. I don't see alcohol as a problem solver in any situation. No matter what your issues, when you come back down, those issues will still be there.

He doesn't seem to understand that he's not the same person when he drinks. He doesn't understand that it hurts me, which in turn hurts "us" as far as the relationship. I hate having to feel like I need to always be around him to make sure he's not drinking too much. He gets angry when I come into the garage, because then he can't drink. I enjoy cars and racing, so I do pop in the garage where my cars are from time to time when he's down there. I like to see how things are done, etc...but he sees it as me "snooping," even though I've been into cars as long as I've been alive.

I don't know what to do to get him to stop; he says he will and now the supposed date will be "after Labor Day." I think that if he truly wanted to quit, he would just go ahead and do it, not set a date so that he can have his fun on a long weekend while ruining my long weekend at the same time. I shouldn't have to wish I was at work, rather than being off work with him on the weekends. I used to enjoy my weekends, but recently I've begun to dread them more and more.

I just really don't know what to say or do anymore. Anytime I try to talk calmly with him about it, he just gets angry and says I can leave if I don't like it. I don't think that's fair at all...he tells me to talk to him if I'm having any problems yet that's how I get treated when I try to discuss an issue with him. I feel like after 10 years I deserve a little more than "If you don't like it, you can leave." I just can't believe that alcohol can be that important to someone, so important that they're willing to give up someone who loves them so much and only wants the best for him and the relationship as a whole. I'm 30 years old now, and really don't want to believe that I've wasted 10 years of what could have been the best years of my life, only to have it ruined by something so ignorant and pointless.

He says his work is what is causing him to drink. He does have a fairly rough job, being that it's family run and owned, and they've gotten pretty lazy over there. But the drinking is only a temporary fix; the issues are still there when he's sober again. He says it makes him feel better, but at what expense? He knows how bad it hurts me, yet he can't seem to chill out with it. I just don't get it, and I want my normal boyfriend back again.
Reply

Loading...

I too have an alcoholic boyfriend. We've been together for almost 10 yrs now, and it seems to be an on and off type of deal. He didn't drink at all for a few years, and that was wonderful. I guess it's been maybe a year now that he's gotten back into it. He's been drinking every weekend lately, and it really hurts me that he wants to do that every single weekend when that's really the only time we have off work. My boyfriend tends to be very smart-mouthed, defensive, threatening, and sometimes abusive when he has any amount of alcohol in him. And those traits are why I really want him to stop drinking all together again. Some people are fine when drinking, and others are not...he falls into the second category.

The sad part is that drinking is what killed his dad, and somehow he seems to have that "it won't happen to me" mentality about it. I do understand that alcoholism can be hereditary, but I also believe it's something you can beat. My boyfriend's brother drank very heavily for many years, and a few years ago he dropped it 100%, and it was long before their father died. He made a good choice in his life, for himself and the sake of his wife and son. My father was an alcoholic my entire life, and still is. That is probably why I choose not to drink. I've seen the damage it can do firsthand. I don't see alcohol as a problem solver in any situation. No matter what your issues, when you come back down, those issues will still be there.

He doesn't seem to understand that he's not the same person when he drinks. He doesn't understand that it hurts me, which in turn hurts "us" as far as the relationship. I hate having to feel like I need to always be around him to make sure he's not drinking too much. He gets angry when I come into the garage, because then he can't drink. I enjoy cars and racing, so I do pop in the garage where my cars are from time to time when he's down there. I like to see how things are done, etc...but he sees it as me "snooping," even though I've been into cars as long as I've been alive.

I don't know what to do to get him to stop; he says he will and now the supposed date will be "after Labor Day." I think that if he truly wanted to quit, he would just go ahead and do it, not set a date so that he can have his fun on a long weekend while ruining my long weekend at the same time. I shouldn't have to wish I was at work, rather than being off work with him on the weekends. I used to enjoy my weekends, but recently I've begun to dread them more and more.

I just really don't know what to say or do anymore. Anytime I try to talk calmly with him about it, he just gets angry and says I can leave if I don't like it. I don't think that's fair at all...he tells me to talk to him if I'm having any problems yet that's how I get treated when I try to discuss an issue with him. I feel like after 10 years I deserve a little more than "If you don't like it, you can leave." I just can't believe that alcohol can be that important to someone, so important that they're willing to give up someone who loves them so much and only wants the best for him and the relationship as a whole. I'm 30 years old now, and really don't want to believe that I've wasted 10 years of what could have been the best years of my life, only to have it ruined by something so ignorant and pointless.

He says his work is what is causing him to drink. He does have a fairly rough job, being that it's family run and owned, and they've gotten pretty lazy over there. But the drinking is only a temporary fix; the issues are still there when he's sober again. He says it makes him feel better, but at what expense? He knows how bad it hurts me, yet he can't seem to chill out with it. I just don't get it, and I want my normal boyfriend back again.
Reply

Loading...

I have just broken up (I think?) with an alcoholic boyfried, of only about 4 months. When we first met, he completely swept me off my feet. He was drinking then, but I guess I was too, and we'd have fun, wild times together. It all happened very fast and he'd basically moved in with me within 2 weeks of us meeting (when I met him, he was living with his parents - at 32 - having been turfed out of the home of his former partner and their 2 children a few years before). He does have his own place, but he never stays there.

Although initially he wasn't really drinking, was excerising and being extremely loving, as the months went on, bad things started to happen. One night, I woke up in the morning and he was gone - turns out he'd gone to a friends house for an all night drinking session whilst I slept ,which continued until 11am, when I went to pick him up. Then, one night when he went out for a few drinks, he didn't come home at all. I didn't hear from him until 1pm the next day. He knew I was angry with him, so didn't come home for another full day and night. I broke up with him (by text!) but let him come back the next day. It was fine for a week or two, but then he went out again on a work night 'for a few beers' and didn't come home until 4.30am, extremely drunk. We fought, broke up, and yet again I took him back. Just a week later he did it again after a fight and this time I told him I was serious about breaking up. He disappeared but since then, every time he drinks (which seems often) he sends me a barrage of crazed, self-centred texts in the middle of the night accusing me of not supporting him and not being on his side. They are also becoming increasingly abusive.

We were supposed to have lunch today to sort stuff out, but he cancelled because he was 'ill". Yet it was only last night that he sent me the latest volley of messages. I have come to realise he is a fairly serious alcoholic. His behaviour generally and the frightening way in which he drinks (10 hours of drinking, 20-30 drinks, lots of shots) makes me very sad, because when he is sober we have the most amazing relationship - soul mates. He is smart, articulate, sweet, loving and very kind. He's just a different man when he drinks and i've realised he loves booze more than he could ever love me.

I'm heartbroken, but I dont' think there's anything I can do to help him, and I can't subject myself to this kind of pain on an ongoing basis.
Reply

Loading...

go to ALAnon
Reply

Loading...

You need to leave because he is not going to get better, Once you leave he may realise he has lost something amazing and spend a couple of years getting better. Remain friends in this time and then if he is sober for a year or two and continuing to go to metings and getting help then start dating and see where it goes. It hurts, Alot but a drunk is not going to stop because of YOU, they will only do it for themself and thats not what you or any other person deserves.
Reply

Loading...

yup...LEAVE...and it might help you to try Alanon meetings---letting some of this out can help
Reply

Loading...

I know what you are going through. I just got off the phone with my ex boyfriend as of tonight. He was so mean to me , arguing , hollering, accusing me of going past his house and going over to some friends of his that live in the cabins and asking all kinds of questions. I told the guys that my boyfriend ask me to come by. He wasn't home and they told me they didn't know. They had some expressions on their face, like he was doing something wrong. . One of the guys said he would call my boyfriends cell and see if he would answer his call, because I had called 4 times and he wouldn't answer and his mom had called all day.I went and set on his porch waiting for him. He was drunk waking down the side of the street across of where he lived. He looked my way while I sat there on the porch . He didn't even reginize me, he was drunk. The drunkest I had ever seen him. I shouted out hello to one of his friends hey to get his attention and then he saw me,i thought everything was fine at first. he came over to me and ask me if i brought him what he ask for . I said no, that is when he really got mad. He came up to me and started shouting and push me with his fingers in my chest. He told me to get the f <<< out of there and never come back I said okay I'm gone. I went and got in my car and left. Things had been so good before all this happened. I just don't know what happened. It was like he turned on me for not bringing him something to calm him down. He had told me he was about ready to explode on everybody earlier in the week. Today he text me and nice to me, then tonight was drinking night with the group there at the cabins. He said that the guys had told him everything I had said to them when to his house and he wasn't there , the guys also had talked about him, but put it all on me. They are scared of him ! he says he is the rooster of that place. I no longer want to even see him, speak with him. He put me down , blamed me for everything, before he always said he loved me, he wanted me to move in with him. He wanted me too in May. I told him June . I'm so glad I didn't . I don't know if he will contact me anymore usually he does the next day not remembering anything about it.That is what he tells me. I have told him i will take him to the doctor and get help, he won't go. He doesn't want help he says he doesn't drink too much he only drinks 2 I hear that everyday. My advice to you is get out now before you lose your mind. He blames me for everything , it's all my fault , on and on. To top it off he is my best friend of 32 yrs son ( nephew ) raised by her. He is 47 and I'm 56. We started going together Dec 2010 and then I broke up with March 2011. Jan 2012 we started talking again and got back together he was lonely and I missed him. I'm sorry it happened again. Girl get out now before it's to late. I love him, but if I don't let go my health will go down, my mind will go crazy. I was very sick this week off work for 2 days he didn't care. It will be hard for me very hard to let him go I have to forget him and my love for him. Read Co-dependent book I wish you the best . It will hurt but let him go . I am. I do not deserve this person , I am to good for him. God bless you .
Reply

Loading...

I know this is an old post, but I just want to let you know I'm going through the EXACT same thing, texting girls, wanting to get metter, drinking again, being a jerk, etc...it sounds so identical that I wonder if my boyfriend could even be the same person you're talking about. On the off chance you get this message, did you ever figure out what to do? What happened? Did anything work?? I could really use any words of wisdom. Like you, I just miss the happy fun US.
Reply

Loading...

It's funny how no matter what year and where we are in the world, we're all dealing with the same problems. My boyfriend always thinks about drinking. It's his main goal on the weekend. We used to like to drink together and still do, but I only do it for him. I didn't used to drink, the occasional drink once in a while, but since being with him, I feel like we can only be together when we're drinking. We've been together for two years now and I moved in with him and the beer cans just keep piling up, as do the bills. He doesn't have money to take me out, or buy me a present once in a while, but without fail, he always has money for beer. He's not abusive toward me, never been inappropriate, but it's just seeing him there with his drink, smelling of beer that I'm sick of. Sex is mediocre now, and the excitement is kind of wandering away. I care alot for him, but this personality trait is a big turn off. It's sad, I used to be head over heels for him, but now all I see is an alcoholic.
Reply

Loading...