I have to make this short, as even after giving in last night late and taking a Kadian (ER Morphine) when I could not take it anymore, I am still very sick and the clock is ticking. I have maybe 6 pills left thanks to my friend and my doctor. I suffer from Fibromyalgia, Neuropathy of the legs, pitting edema, Osteoarthritis, bone spurring, disk degeneration, and a bunch of other c**p. Doctor has me taking 120 mp Kadian every day along with 10/325 (I think) Percocets (4 a days) a buttload of Lyrica (don't remember dosage), Ambien to sleep, Zanaflex for muscle cramps and restless legs, and a myriad of other junk like Lasix, Potassium, Levothyroxine, etc that probably don't matter in this equation. I am disabled and so far below the poverty line I can't even SEE it anymore. I live some 30 miles outside Baton Rogue and the nearest hospital that I am aware of. I have to see my doctor once a month and pee in a cup and physically pick up my scripts for the "hard stuff."
This month, even with 3 weeks head warning, my one and only "friend" here that swore I could always count on her to get me to my doctor's appointments and get my meds for me, dropped the ball and was out of state. She is seriously downplaying this, saying I am just a drama queen and she won't have it. But I have called Comprehensive Pain Management and I get an answering machine and I leave messages stating why I had to miss my appointment and showing concern over the dwindling pills in my bottle, sent THREE e-mails over the last month to my Dr. (Dr. Weitz) at HER BEHEST in fact, and gotten NO reply. In desperation I went off everything cold turkey at once yesterday. The Percocets don't bother me; I could care less about those and have quit Lortabs cold turkey before and had no issues. But this isn't just Percocet. The Morphine in particular scares me. You know... I said I quit yesterday and that was a lie. I quit the morning BEFORE, sorry. I was at maybe 18 hours or so since I had taken my morphine, which is long acting when I caved and took one. I thought I was dying. RAGING headache, sweats to beat hell, uncover and instantly have chills that were literally painful, yawn yawn yawn... tears streaming from my eyes, body aches... did I mention the raging headache? And omg the nausea.... even taking my Promethazine it didn't make a dent in the nausea...
I gave in when it got so bad I thought I was going to die. Let me mention also that I am heavy as well. 340 lbs even though I practically starve. While you sit and snort your disbelief, see how much you can stuff YOUR face on $118 a month in food stamps and no money? My Disability and SSI comes to $694 a month and at last check my bills are $763. Yes I have a problem. That is another reason I need to get off this mess; so I can go donate plasma again for the couple hundred extra $$ a month that afforded me.
Anyway I am shaking and sweating and need to go lay down so.... going to end this. Just wondered what advice, if any...? I can't get ahold of my doctor, can't get to a hospital and either do this NOW carefully so I have a prayer in hell of coming off a bit slower than all at once (like I said I have about 6 pills left) or I wait til the last minute, have nothing to take if it gets too far out of control and I die. Unlike many I see on here (and I mean no offense) I do not take ANY of my meds for a euphoric "high" but strictly as intended for the reasons intended but I was nervous about getting on them in the first place and after the last 24 hours, I am frantic to get OFF them. I will suffer the pain; it beats the hell out of the dependency. Help.... I don't want to die but I have no one. No family, no friends and I guess no doctor with a sense of responsibility to her name.
I am literally going to go shower now, while I can still stand up so that if I die in the night I won't get my fat ass lugged out of here stinking like morphine sweat and with hairy legs.
This month, even with 3 weeks head warning, my one and only "friend" here that swore I could always count on her to get me to my doctor's appointments and get my meds for me, dropped the ball and was out of state. She is seriously downplaying this, saying I am just a drama queen and she won't have it. But I have called Comprehensive Pain Management and I get an answering machine and I leave messages stating why I had to miss my appointment and showing concern over the dwindling pills in my bottle, sent THREE e-mails over the last month to my Dr. (Dr. Weitz) at HER BEHEST in fact, and gotten NO reply. In desperation I went off everything cold turkey at once yesterday. The Percocets don't bother me; I could care less about those and have quit Lortabs cold turkey before and had no issues. But this isn't just Percocet. The Morphine in particular scares me. You know... I said I quit yesterday and that was a lie. I quit the morning BEFORE, sorry. I was at maybe 18 hours or so since I had taken my morphine, which is long acting when I caved and took one. I thought I was dying. RAGING headache, sweats to beat hell, uncover and instantly have chills that were literally painful, yawn yawn yawn... tears streaming from my eyes, body aches... did I mention the raging headache? And omg the nausea.... even taking my Promethazine it didn't make a dent in the nausea...
I gave in when it got so bad I thought I was going to die. Let me mention also that I am heavy as well. 340 lbs even though I practically starve. While you sit and snort your disbelief, see how much you can stuff YOUR face on $118 a month in food stamps and no money? My Disability and SSI comes to $694 a month and at last check my bills are $763. Yes I have a problem. That is another reason I need to get off this mess; so I can go donate plasma again for the couple hundred extra $$ a month that afforded me.
Anyway I am shaking and sweating and need to go lay down so.... going to end this. Just wondered what advice, if any...? I can't get ahold of my doctor, can't get to a hospital and either do this NOW carefully so I have a prayer in hell of coming off a bit slower than all at once (like I said I have about 6 pills left) or I wait til the last minute, have nothing to take if it gets too far out of control and I die. Unlike many I see on here (and I mean no offense) I do not take ANY of my meds for a euphoric "high" but strictly as intended for the reasons intended but I was nervous about getting on them in the first place and after the last 24 hours, I am frantic to get OFF them. I will suffer the pain; it beats the hell out of the dependency. Help.... I don't want to die but I have no one. No family, no friends and I guess no doctor with a sense of responsibility to her name.
I am literally going to go shower now, while I can still stand up so that if I die in the night I won't get my fat ass lugged out of here stinking like morphine sweat and with hairy legs.
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I didnt read your whole post. just sayin...
I live in new orleans so am familiar with the healthcare system down there... you could try university hospital (affiliated with the LSU teaching hospital), of course you might have to wait a month to get in. ( this is now the new charity hospital since it flooded during Katrina).
1. your doctor is prescribing you way to many medications.
2. I suggest exploring Ayurveda (a form of holistic treatment) to help alleviate some of the minor symptoms that medication isn't necessary for, for instance promethazine, if youre taking it for nausea.
3. Go to a meeting/out-patient therapy for moral/psychological support.
4. the intense symptoms of kadian detox dont last long...although it might take time for your body to recreate more dopamine.
Most importantly your health comes first, you cant accomplish anything without managing your health.
I live in new orleans so am familiar with the healthcare system down there... you could try university hospital (affiliated with the LSU teaching hospital), of course you might have to wait a month to get in. ( this is now the new charity hospital since it flooded during Katrina).
1. your doctor is prescribing you way to many medications.
2. I suggest exploring Ayurveda (a form of holistic treatment) to help alleviate some of the minor symptoms that medication isn't necessary for, for instance promethazine, if youre taking it for nausea.
3. Go to a meeting/out-patient therapy for moral/psychological support.
4. the intense symptoms of kadian detox dont last long...although it might take time for your body to recreate more dopamine.
Most importantly your health comes first, you cant accomplish anything without managing your health.
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Thanks for the reply; I am actually doing better, though at odds with my doctor. She seems bound and determined to keep me on them, while I am determined to get OFF of them. I am proud to say though that I finally am off the Lyrica entirely, although of course my symptoms came back... worst of all the intense Restless leg Syndrome which I had actually forgotten about lol.
I have halved my dosage, gotten used to that... extended the time between dosages to 35 hours from 12... got used to that too. Now I am halving again. A few days like that then the next step is off for good. Then the Percocets. Those, believe it or not, will be easy physiologically. At least for me. I have experience so I know. But that will leave me with NO pain relief at all and that will be hard to deal with again. However, I might mention that in many ways I feel BETTER now that I am knocking out all these drugs. I no longer take the Zanaflex either. Working on reducing the Ambien as well, so my body can learn to produce sleep on its own again.
So all in all I am doing well. It isn't fun but I am way past how sick I was when I first cut the morphine in half and started raising my length of time between dosages. I look forward to being totally clean again. If I were dying that would be a different story, but I have the rest of my life in front of me and I don't want to spend it in a darkened, home all alone medicated to my eyeballs.
Anyway appreciate the advice, but I am most of the way there now lol. I don't have the time to look for places to go detox. Not much more left then I am done with it. Then I am going to open every window in the house, air it out, finish unpacking, clean it up, and start a new life :-)
P.S. Since I am a guest and not registered, I think this didn't even post until days after I started Detoxing lol.
I have halved my dosage, gotten used to that... extended the time between dosages to 35 hours from 12... got used to that too. Now I am halving again. A few days like that then the next step is off for good. Then the Percocets. Those, believe it or not, will be easy physiologically. At least for me. I have experience so I know. But that will leave me with NO pain relief at all and that will be hard to deal with again. However, I might mention that in many ways I feel BETTER now that I am knocking out all these drugs. I no longer take the Zanaflex either. Working on reducing the Ambien as well, so my body can learn to produce sleep on its own again.
So all in all I am doing well. It isn't fun but I am way past how sick I was when I first cut the morphine in half and started raising my length of time between dosages. I look forward to being totally clean again. If I were dying that would be a different story, but I have the rest of my life in front of me and I don't want to spend it in a darkened, home all alone medicated to my eyeballs.
Anyway appreciate the advice, but I am most of the way there now lol. I don't have the time to look for places to go detox. Not much more left then I am done with it. Then I am going to open every window in the house, air it out, finish unpacking, clean it up, and start a new life :-)
P.S. Since I am a guest and not registered, I think this didn't even post until days after I started Detoxing lol.
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I, too, was on Kadian for the last 7 years, only I was on 240 mg. a day. I suffer from almost the same things as you, only I have no feeling in my Right leg due to a surgery gone bad in the worst kind of way. I was told I would never walk again, and for 2 years my leg just dangled like a deer with a broken leg. But I proved them wrong and I now walk without any help, but you can tell I have a stride/gate problem.
I would take my pills and then when the dose just wasn't cutting it anymore I did the unthinkable. I started shooting it up, so I wouldn't have to ask for an increase in my dose. This went on for the next 5 years, and I too was on a butt load of other medication for my fibro, RLS, Arthritis, Spinal Stenoisis, Degenerative cervical, yada yada yada.
I shot up my last 90mg. on December 9th and went cold turkey. OMG I wished I would of just killed myself!!!! The withdrawls are unbelievable, I have 22 days clean and I still am in withdrawls! I do want to tell you this, I don't hurt like I did while I was taking the Kadian. In fact I feel better than I did before I started taking that drug. I believe that Dr.'s that are up on what is really going on in your medical problems should know that feeding us these VERY ADDICTIVE pain pills for longer than what really should be prescribed should have their job looked at. They are making normal people and addict, and WE are the ones suffering in the long run.
My kidneys are failing, I have breathing problems now, my heart has an irregular beat now, and I have vision problems. Thanks MORPHINE, you have also taken my mind, spirit, and wellbeing. I have never been so alone, depressed, and my anxiety is sky high. But, I found a Dr. that is an addiction specialist, who helped me through the 4th, and 5th day after the withdrawls. I took Suboxone for those 2 days and decieded that I wasn't goig to be a slave to that either. So I stopped it and YES I think of the feeling I used to have, no pain, but I am a better person today.
I couldn't believe just how numb that drug made me, the first time I brushed my teeth was like I was feeling something I hadn't felt in my life. The water beating down on me in the shower was almost overwhealming, I have feelings that I haven't felt for years, (and I don't know how to handle them very well.) But I am a survivior and I WILL survive this too.:-)
I hope that you are doing well and please find a different doctor that will help you get where you need to be. You can do it.
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Wow, I had forgotten I ever even posted this! I am the original poster btw ;)
So for an update... I did get off all of that mess. Then she turned around and stuck me on Percocet 10's
and Fentanyl Pain Patches. Fentanyl, if you didn't know, is 100 times stronger than Morphine.
Then she pulled her little trick yet AGAIN, leaving me alone and with no way to get my meds.
I decided she had had all the chances she was having. I was taking my life back. I was tired of watching
life pass me by and not giving a damn, or even noticing. She ran her "You can't detox alone; you'll stroke out and die"
speech by me yet AGAIN, and I told her I didn't care much at that point... I needed a change of scenery anyway.
My last meds were roughly the middle of October, 2011.
I have not touched them since.
Like you, I still suffer daily, but I don't have pain like I did when I was dependent on constant
supplies of drugs in my system to keep it from being overwhelming.
My body learned to tolerate it and deal with it on its own again.
I am not happy, not active and certainly not healthy but I am no longer a slave to a drug, legal or not.
It is officially January 1rst, New Years Day and I STILL suffer from detox symptoms.
Because of these drugs, I am suffering from imminent renal failure.
I have severe heart arrhythmia.
My ears ring and buzz constantly.
I am so weak most of the time I can often barely get from one end of my trailer to the other.
I rarely leave the house, and when I do I have to go in my power chair, as my truck broke down and I can't walk far.
I get dizzy and stumble alot.
My hair is nearly all gone, as it is (was) waist length and started falling out in handfuls after I went off the drugs.
I lost 60 pounds in 4 months because I couldn't feed myself. Then the rebound happened and I am starving all the time.
The list is endless, but you get my point.
Those meds that were supposed to HELP me, destroyed my life.
I have taken my life back again but it is no longer worth having.
Every day of my life is pain filled and a vast aping chasm of loneliness.
I am glad you were able to get help getting off the drugs; doing it with nothing
and no one is beyond words on horrible.
Feel free to poke at me if you need someone to talk to and best of luck. It's a new year; maybe yours will turn out better
in the long run than mine. Congrats on being clean for 3 weeks and do NOT for ANY reason EVER go back on them.
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I am currently going through detox at home..amazing how doctors give you a !@#$ load of drugs and don't care what happens to you. Mine had me on 172mg morphine, clonazapan, trazadone...Please tell me the shakes, chills, tremors will stop. I have now cut down to 38 mg and now am trying to stop all together. Any advice or support plz. I am really proud of you.
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I tried several times to get off of my kadian and morphine IR but failed and my doctors were not willing to help me either. However by the grace of God I started seeing an acupuncturist who is Chinese and knows her stuff very well and she helped me completely get off all my meds. The first few weeks were the hardest but slowly got comfortable. I hope this helps and my prayers are with all of you.
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I need help really bad!! I am addicted to Lyrica and Tramadol. My doctor was giving me way too much and said it was great for pain and my high blood pressure. I was taking 15 Lyrica that were 300ml. He said it was non addictive and a non narcotic. Same as the Tramadol!! I have allot of health problems and have tried coming off both meds. Including 3 heart attacks!! It makes me think crazy things like taking my life... I have always been a happy person until now. I need to speak with someone who knows those drugs personally. and of course has successfully come off either meds and soon. Really soon!!! Otherwise I hope God will have mercy on me......
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Have u ever heard of suboxone? It is for opiate addiction, this drug saved my life.:-)
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om my feel sooo like tt dnt no y i stared big mistake 2 days n bak on them kiddys r the only thing keepin me here always fkn tab first pissed of sooooo much at myself
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Thank you for the advice - I am in a similar situation in another country, I had a graft to lower leg in 2011 and a piece of it did not take, it was not regrafted and I am suffering tremendously to get it healed, closed. State dermatologist told me to keep it closed, whereas herbal person said I must leave it open so it can get air. The herbal tablets have helped a lot and yes BC 56 is an ayurvedic ointment, seems to help me, but it has been a very, very slow process and impacted tremendously on my life. The biopsy showed no more squamous cell, completely benign. So I don't know what next, I am white, aged 61, have a very sensitive skin, I too just want my life back
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Same as you, someone bumped my right leg (lower) 2004, had tests 2011, as there was a mark there, state hospital said it is scc, cut it out and now 5 yrs later, the graft site has not yet closed - terrible. Had hell. Still not healed after all this time ..
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My lovely hair also falling since failed graft 2011 and been taking Tramadol when really bad or I can't sleep, not sure where it will end, but I am not ending my life .. life is hard. I had such beautiful legs, they said a piece of the graft did not take, she - the surgeon went in so deep; I was awake when they did it
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I'm sorry to hear that hun. You sound strong and must stay that way. I think we all wonder "why me" , but we have to keep pressing on. I know there's days where I just want the pain to stop but keep going. Maybe you could see about a specialist or I'm here as a friend. . All my luv to all that suffer , in one way or another.
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Another good pain reliever is HydroMorphone. Now, that's just as addictive, but you can accutally have a life again. Of course, ask your doctor first..
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