I have always been the kind of person who regenerates while I am alone, while many people I know regenerate around people. I love my solitude, which is why I love the early morning hours before others are up, and before phones are ringing. It's also why I don't like to go to sleep at night - I just love that dark quiet time. But since I also need to sleep, I do discipline myself to get about 7 hours of sleep a night.
I never get lonely when I have my time alone. Quite the contrary, I feel so filled up with the love and creativity from Spirit that comes in during my quiet times that I feel anything but alone or lonely.
I also love the connection of being with others who are also feeling filled up by Spirit. I find that I need a balance between being alone and being with connected others.
I do, however, feel lonely when I'm around disconnected people. My loneliness is my inner child letting me know that the other person is disconnected from themselves and their Guidance. They are empty inside and their emptiness is an automatic pull on my energy. Instead of exchanging love, they are trying to take love from me.
I was recently at a course where the leader of the course had a talking addiction. Once he started, he couldn't seem to stop. I've never been around someone who could talk so much! While professing to not need attention and to have healed his issues, energetically he was sucking the life out of everyone. As I looked around, I saw that most people were fidgeting in various ways. Some were looking at their iPhones or iPads. With others, their legs or hands were moving a mile a minute. Some got up to go to the restroom, while others stared into space, numbing out. I had brought my computer and an Internet card with me, so I spent the time doing my email and answering questions on the site. Not once did he seem to notice that he had lost his audience!
I chose not to spend any time with him because my little girl let me know unequivocally that she didn't want to be around him - that she didn't want to be that lonely.
Fortunately, he was not teaching the course. There were many wonderful faculty teaching, but he would introduce each one and go on and on so much that he kept cutting into their time, making everyone late. Amazingly, he didn't seem to notice this!
Loneliness is a very important feeling to attend to, as it has information for us. Here are some of the things that my loneliness tells me:
- On the rare times that I'm lonely when I'm alone, it is telling me it is time to seek connection with others - that I need to balance my alone time with connection time with another or others.
- When I'm lonely with another or others, it is telling me one of three things:
- I'm disconnected
- The other person is disconnected and pulling on my energy
- We are both disconnected
The first thing I do when I'm lonely around another is to check in to see if I'm disconnected from myself and my Guidance. If I'm feeling full inside, then I know the other person is disconnected. This important information gives me the opportunity to validate my feelings and ask my Guidance about what would be loving to myself in the situation. I always have a number of options:
- I can address the person directly with an intent to learn, saying something like, "It feels like you are needing something from me. Can you tell me what it is?"
- I can give the person the attention or approval I know they are seeking.
- I can change the subject to see if that helps the interaction.
- I can lovingly disengage.
- In a group situation, such as I was in at the course, I can do something else that I want to do.
I'm okay with doing any of these as long as it feels loving to me, so I rely on my Guidance to let me know what would be best for me.
It's so important to attend to our loneliness and to give ourselves the time alone we might need.