Does he just NOT turn me On????

Being overweight in itself is probably not the problem. But the question 'Does he just not turn me on?' is perhaps a clue, and this might be linked to you being overweight. There may be a self-esteem issue. Also a relationship issue.

So let me ask a few questions and offer some comments. You say "Im ... a very shy person when it somes to talking about sex" so if you prefer private where you can talk more freely, please do so, but in public it may help others.

1. "a LDR ((Long Distance Relationship)) with some who is more experienced then I am" Can you elaborate on that please.
   1. How long has this LDR been going on?
   2. Where do you and he live? How far apart is that?
   3. How often do you actually meet?
   4. What do you do when you do meet?
   5. How did you first meet?
   6. What is his "more experienced" history?
2. "I havent been with anyone, but I'm not a virgin either"
   1. In waht way is it that "I havent been with anyone"
   2. How is it that "I'm not a virgin"?
      • When did you lose your virginity?
      • How did that happen?
3. "He is very into "Phone Sex" "I understand that, but it also concerns me. It seems all self-centred. He seems to be putting undue pressure on you.
4. "he told me all I need to do is rub my clit (So I do) But nothing happens, I don't feel any type pleasure"
   1. Have you ever masturbated before?
   2. How do you rub it?(do you understand your genitals? do you need help that way?)
   3. Do you use lubrication?
   4. How do you feel emotionally when you do it?
5. "try putting a finger in, (again I do it) But nothing"
   1. If clit stimulation does nothing, just inserting a finger probably won't help
   2. Are you wet when you insert your finger?
6. "I dont want to like be a buzz kill, because I know he is into it and he is pleasuring himself"
   1. It is a good attitude that you want to please him.
   2. I expect he is pleasuring himslef. This is all designed for his own satisfaction.
   3. He is getting excited over your sexual activity and reaction, not because he he is delighted that you are getting pleasure.
   4. He has probably watched porn.
7. "So I fake it." That is rarely a good idea. Only do it in self-preservation. You are being dishonest. I think you are afraid of him or his reaction. But I think he is using you.
8. "Am I not doing it right?"
   1. Maybe, mabe not. But the mechanics is only part of it.
   2. Your emotional involvement is more important. Your brain is your biggest and most powerful sex organ!
   3. I think you are hanging on to someone who 'wants' you because you want a 'relationship' and are worried if you lose him, you won't have anyone because you are overweight. What do you think?
   4. I think he does not turn you on because you do not really love him.
9. "Is there some other way I can get the pleasure he THINKS I'm getting??"
   1. Yes there is. Very few women cannot get sexual pleasure.
   2. Your clit is designed for pleasure and, unless it has been damaged, is more than capable of giving you pleasure. It is it's only known function!
   3. Have you ever has any sexual pleasure? If so describe what happened.
   4. Inserting a finger without massaging your g-spot is not likely to do much on its own to start with.
   5. Are there any religious or cultural implications?
   6. What were your parents attitude to sex?

Lots of questions here. You need to answer all of them honestly to yourself. If you also provide me with the answers I will try to help more.

I hope this helps as a start.

1.) "a LDR ((Long Distance Relationship))"
-1.) We have been in a relationship for about a month ((We have known each other for 2years and have been in a relationship before but broke up because I moved out of state))
-2.) I live in Az and he lives in California.. we are about 7hrs apart..
-3.) We haven't met yet ((we had plans to before but it didn't happen, although we are saving up to meet next month))
-6.) He has had sex with three women before starting a relationship with me

2.) "I haven't been with anyone"
-1.) I haven't voluntarily had sex with someone.
-2.) I was forced by a family member as a child...

3.) "He is very into "Phone Sex""
-When he starts hinting towards having phone sex, he makes sure I'm okay with it first... He knows I've never done anything like it before, and tries to make it a comfortable experience. ((He is the first person to ever make me interested in "phone sex" we have only done it three times, and I want to enjoy it, I really do... He isn't pressuring me too, I just don't get the same experience he does.))

4.) "He told me all I need to do is...."
-1.) No, I have not... Which is why he was telling me what to do.
-2.) I just rubbed, I didn't know there was a certain way to rub it.
-3.) No, I didn't use anything
-4.) Emotionally, I feel bad because I can't enjoy it the way he is... Then my mind starts to focus on wondering if there is something wrong with me.

5.) "try putting a finger in..."
-2.) I'm wet, but I don't know what I'm doing...

6.) "I don't want to be like a buzz kill..."
-1.) I do want to please him, I care for him deeply and I have already decided that If things were different, he would have been the one I gave my virginity too... I'd do anything to please him, and since we can't be there together this is our only option.
-4.) He has watched porn, and I think he stopped after we started having "phone sex"

7.) "So I fake it"
-I know I'm being dishonest, but I'm hoping it will only be for a small period of time... I really do want to get into it like he does, which is why I posted this Plea for Help... I don't want to be dishonest, but if I've tried everything and nothing works then I have no choice but to come clean with him... I'm sure he will be some what upset at first, but I know he will understand why I did it.

8.) "Am I not doing it right?"
-1.) Like I said, I have no idea what I'm doing... I didn't know there was a certain way to do it.
-2.) I main just focus on whether or not he is enjoying himself, and why I'm not..
-3.) He knows everything about my appearance, he knows how much I weigh, what I look like, everything... and he still loves me, he has made that very clear multiple times..((I've asked him if it bothers him or would he be embarrassed for being with me, and every time I ask him... he gives me the sweetest answers, and each one is a different reason why he loves me, and why he wants me too stop worrying about whether or not he wont like me... he gives me the confidence to see my self as a beautiful person))
-4.) I love him deeply, I didn't believe in "marriage or being with someone for the rest of my life" until I met him... because of him, I believe that I can be in a marriage filled with love and happiness as long as it's with him... not saying our relationship is perfect, we have our stupid arguments but we never go to sleep mad... he is the first and last person I talk to everyday, and I love it<3

9.) "Is there some other way I can get the pleasure..."
-1.) How would I know if I'm one of those women that can't?
-3.) Not that I can remember...
-4.) To be honest, I don't even know what/where my G-Spot is..
-5.) No, we have the pretty much the same views... We aren't very religious, and our only difference is that he has had sex, and I haven't.
-6.) My mother never talked to me about anything... anything I know is either from Sex-Ed ((which isn't helpful)) or my boyfriend tells me ((and given the fact that he is a guy, isn't much))

I really hope my answers give you a better idea on how to help..

Thank you. I understand far better now.
I think there are several issues here, but I will first just deal with a couple of things.
1. I am so sorry that you were raped by a family member. That may be a significant part of your problem regarding sexual stimulation. I would think that you need to deal with that from a personal perspective in order to move on. Although it was not your fault at all, there may still be guilt attached to that. Furthermore, there may have been some sexual stimulation which was pleasurable (that is quite natural and understandable), and guilt can be associated with that. Thus the genital stimulation may bring back memories and the associated feelings can sub-consciously be blocked. That part of your sexual history can be dealt with, and recovery made, but it may take some time. Are you able to talk about that?
2. Regarding stimulation, I suggest you start simply and slowly dealing with your clit only. How you do it will to some extent depend on its size and presentation. But get yourself comfortable. maybe in a warm bath, and start gently exploring it with your fingers. It may be helpful, before doing this, to start with your breasts, as these were not developed when you were abused as a child. Massage them and the nipples, and note the sensations. Enjoy the feeling, and note any sensations that you feel in your lower abdomen, and particularly your vulva. Spend some time doing this before gently caressing your vulva. You may not feel inclined to touch your clit directly, but you may be able to incorporate the hood and shaft. Take your time, and don't rush it. When (and if) your bf instructs you what to do, just do what you enjoy, maybe caressing your breasts instead of your clit if you feel better doing that. I would avoid putting anything inside your vagina just yet.
I'll leave it there for the moment for you to mull over. I hope that helps as a start. Let me know how it goes and what your comments are on what I have said. Depending on what you say, I will try and help you progress further.
I hope this helps a bit more