How to Save a Relationship After Your Partner has Cheated
Although it is quite difficult to save a relationship once a partner has been caught cheating. It is possible, but the process can be a long, ragged journey and both partners need to have the same goal in sight.
The first thing you need to know from your partner is if he or she wants to save the marriage. Painful as it might be, your partner may not want to save your marriage and if that be the case anything you do will be in vain. You must both want to save the relationship and be willing to work hard to get past the infidelity.
If your partner is dedicated to saving the relationship, the next step would to seek counseling. Many of the issues that will arise after the infidelity will need professional help if they are to be resolved. Such issues are:
- Sexual intimacy
- Letting go of the past
A relationship without trust, no matter how much you love your partner, is almost certainly doomed. If every time your partner leaves and the thought of his or her affair comes flooding to the front of your thoughts, you will be living a life without trust for your partner. It is very difficult to gain back that trust after your partner has cheated and unless you deal with the issue right away, burry it, and never dig it back up, it will keep you hindered in your relationship for many years to come. Trust has to be earned but how does one earn trust if the partner continue to look for signs of mistrust? This is a difficult question to answer and professionals will be able to help guide you through this process. It is far easier to forgive than it is to forget; it is human nature to be gun-shy once you’ve been shot in the heart.
This is a tough issue to contend with; insecurity can creep in at any given moment without warning. Insecurity is brought on by a lack of self-confidence which comes from the jilted partner wondering if he or she is still good enough or good looking enough to satisfy his or her partner. The thoughts of why the partner cheated continually scramble through their mind and many times tend to blame themselves for their partner’s infidelity. Insecurity will hinder any chances of repairing the relationship unless this issue is dealt with correctly and professionally. It is very common for the jilted partner to become very insecure within the relationship and takes a great deal of work to become confident with themselves which then helps to heal the hurt and mistrust he or she has taken on by the infidelity.
It is a hard pill to swallow finding out your partner has cheated on you; the lack of trust, the insecurities, and then regaining sexual intimacy. Sometimes it’s far too emotionally draining to even contemplate being intimate with your partner again, knowing the he or she has been with somebody else. The desire may be there but emotionally you may not be ready and until you resolve the emotional aspects of the infidelity, you should hold off from regaining a sexual intimacy with your partner. If the emotional aspects aren’t dealt with prior to intimacy, you may give the impression to your partner that what he or she has done is in the past and they may expect that you have totally gotten past it. A relationship without sexual intimacy can survive, but a relationship without trust and insecurities will almost always fail. You must deal with all the emotional aspects before you proceed to getting back into the routine of sexual intimacy. This can be difficult because as humans are only human, we all tend to have “needs” and desires that can often times over-rule emotional scars. Seeking counseling will help you to recover from those scars so that you and your partner can once again have a meaningful sexual relationship.
Letting go of the Past
This is possibly the hardest part of finding out your partner has cheated on you; letting go of the hurt and moving forward. For many people it is an impossibility to totally remove it from their thoughts. It is, however, the cornerstone of rebuilding your relationship. You have to deal with it, talk it through, get past the trust and insecurity issues, and then bury the past and never dig it back up. It is so easy to use the past as leverage against your partner, but if you have agreed to forgive him or her and have agreed to make the relationship last, it is your responsibility to bury it and leave it buried. This is where that saying comes in, “Once a cheater, always a cheater”; that is the mindset of so many people who face these issues in their relationships and if they can’t get past this train of thought, the relationship is going to die an ugly death.
How do I Know if my Partner is Being faithful?
It is common for the jilted partner to “check up” on his or her partner to see if he or she is where they said they would be. Many will go to great lengths to confirm that their partner is still not cheating by following them, checking phone records, and even hiring a private investigator to keep track of their partner. If your relationship has come to this, it may be time for you to seriously consider ending the relationship as this is no way to live; always wondering and always worrying if your partner is being faithful. If you have made the commitment to save the relationship you must be able to trust him or her just as you did prior to finding out about the infidelity. I know that’s easier said than done and that’s why it is so important to get professional counseling during this time; to help you sort out your feelings and to rebuild the relationship from the ground up. Consider your relationship as a house. The foundation of the relationship is trust. All the other aspects of the relationship are the furnishings inside the house as well as the paint on the exterior of the house. You can put on a fresh coat of paint and buy pretty new furnishings, but if the foundation is weak, the house will crumble.
This is a painful subject and one that is all too common among couples. Relationships, at their best, are hard work and when you throw infidelity into the mix, it makes it a hundred times harder. To save the relationship you must deal with the issues or else the relationship is doomed.